Characters

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  •   !ACTUAL GHOSTS! (3)
    Actual ghosts. Supernatural happenings. Do you know what this means? It means that: 1) people can and do die in Sweet Valley; and 2) this series is spookier than Point Horror.
  •   #NotMySpunkwaffle (1)
  •   Aaron Dallas (21)
    Jessica’s sort-of boyfriend. Although if you read Sweet Valley Confidential, it states she never liked Aaron and didn’t know him well. He likes dumb jokes and sportsball. Because boy.
  •   Abbie Richardson (0)
  •   Adam (1)
    Caroline Pearce’s fictional boyfriend who writes her passionate love letters in order to feel joy.
  •   Adam Scott (1)
    An ecology-enthusiast that Jessica meets during the oil spill in #45 Lucy Takes the Reins. Never seen again, but I genuinely feel that Jessica wouldn’t have killed him. Unless she blames him for Whiskers having to go back to the wild. Wait, yeah, that’s what happened. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   AJ Morgan (0)
  •   Alice Wakefield (82)
    The twins’ mother, often mistaken for the twins’ older sister. Works part time as an interior designer, cooks excellent meals and keep the Wakefields’ “attractive split-level house” spotlessly clean. Sucks at being a parent.
  •   Amanda Harmon (1)
    The president of Eight Times Eight.
  •   Amy Sutton (89)
    Elizabeth’s best friend and one of the writers for the Sixers. The only member of The Boosters (besides Winston Egbert) who isn’t a Unicorn. She’s both too clumsy for ballet, but a brilliant addition to the Booster club. And still she’s boring.
  •   Andrea Robinson-Wallace (1)
    Mary’s mother. Married to Tim Wallace.
  •   Andrea Slade (0)
  •   Andy McCormick (1)
    Brother of Melissa. Apparently good at basketball. Not really very important.
  •   Anita Pearce (2)
    Caroline Pearce’s older sister, and Josh Angler’s ex- (or is she) girlfriend.
  •   Anna Barrett (1)
    A girl who can't sing but fakes her way into a choir competition so she can find her long-lost sibling because adoption and shit.
  •   Anna Reynolds (1)
    A deaf girl who moves to Sweet Valley late in the series, frightfully important for one book, then invisible for the rest of the series.
  •   Anna Wang (2)
    Elizabeth’s new BFF at Junior High. Because she’s Asian she must be called Anna. It’s the law. And those are the least interesting things about her. She has a dark secret, an annoying male best friend, goals of being a writer, and she’s utterly charming.
  •   Annie (1)
    Was all set to marry Sarah Thomas’ dad for his money, until her blatent neglect of Sarah drove a wedge between them.
  •   Annie Whitman (2)
    A turboslut who has held hands with dozens of boys at Miller’s Point.
  •   Arthur Castle aka Castillo (1)
    A prince from Santa Dora pretending to be a lowly serf, like us. Keeps being given Confederate flags by the Sweet Valleyites.
  •   Ashley Quigley (1)
    Amy’s secret sister. Doubt we’ll ever see her again.
  •   Aunt Laura Bates (nee Robertson) (1)
    Alice’s sister. Mother of cousin Kelly. Married a ne’er do well.
  •   Avery Glize (1)
  •   Bambi Mifflin (1)
    George Fowler’s girlfriend in The Unicorns Go Hawaiian. Lands a part in Days of Turmoil. Never seen again.
  •   Barbara Fields (1)
    Antagonist of The Big Camp Secret. Is mean to everyone except for Grace Oliver, because she’s hiding the scars of her divorced family. Saves Grace from a highly improbable fire (lightning hits a wooden shack in the middle of a torrential downpour), so it’s all ok. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Barry Cooper (1)
  •   Barry Rork (0)
  •   Beau Dillon (5)
    Totally hot teenage movie star of Tender Hearts, a movie all about the tragedy of a privileged white boy with plenty of insurance, who suffers from cancer. Oddly released at Christmas. When #WhitePeopleProblems are what everyone wants to watch.
  •   Belinda "Billie" Layton (17)
    Female athlete who graciously gave up her own name, when her dumb parents were too lazy to come up with another name for her new brother, Billy.
  •   Ben Mays (1)
    Skiing pro. No personality. A mountain tries to kill him. Everyone cheered on the snow. Sadly he survived. Let’s hope Jessica killed him and buried him in the Mercandy backyard.
  •   Ben Oliver (1)
    Some high school boy that Jessica dates to make her brother Aaron jealous.
  •   Bernard the Kiln Boy (1)
    Jessica’s one-time love interest when she spends a weekend at SVU. She gets over him pretty quickly. As in, he’s never seen again. She probably cremated him in the kiln.
  •   Bethel McCoy (0)
  •   Betsy Gordon (6)
    A popular member of the Unicorn Club. Not to be confused with Betsy Martin, who's a mean girl from a poor family.
  •   Betsy Martin (3)
    A mean girl from a poor family who grows up to be a slut and an alcoholic. But her sister's really nice.
  •   Bill Chase (3)
    Surfer dude with the IQ of that sludge that accrues in your salad crisper if you don’t clean it out often enough.
  •   Blue Spicolli (0)
  •   Bob Russo (0)
  •   Bobby Gray (1)
    The poor man married to Coco. He’s actually a better parent than his wife to his stepdaughter, Brooke Dennis. But maybe that’s because he’s not actually from Sweet Valley.
  •   Brian Boyd (2)
    A troubled soul, which probably explains his Aryan leanings. Let’s fuzzy-hug him through his issues, but never fix that racism!
  •   Brian Rainey (0)
    Elizabeth’s locker partner. Good looking and popular. That’s all I’ve got right now.
  •   Brooke Dennis (10)
    Initially a mean girl who was just misunderstood, became popular once she cheered up. Also rarely seen outside of her books.
  •   Bruce Patman (52)
    A super-rich, super-cute boy who is a year older than the twins, but appears to have no friends his own age, so he hangs out with the sixth grade. Seems like the type who wears a banana-hammock.
  •   Cammi Adams (5)
    A shy girl who rarely shows up as anything other than background noise. During The Incredible Madame Jessica her name is spelled “Cammie”. This is probably the most exciting thing about her.
  •   Cara Walker (7)
    A gossip hungry friend of of Jessica's... so far (description written after only recapping Double Love).
  •   Carl the Orderly (1)
    Kidnaps Elizabeth. It’s fine. She goes on TV as soon as she’s back. She’s fine.
  •   Caroline Pearce (23)
    A massive gossip. Apparently has no friends, because she only pops up - by herself - whenever gossip needs to be transmitted.
  •   Cathy Connors (7)
    Steven's girlfriend. Clearly a McGuffin he has to win.
  •   Celebrities woooh! (0)
    It is amazing how many celebrities you just bump into in Sweet Valley!
  •   Celine Boudreaux (0)
  •   Chad Bucklateski (1)
    The brains and brawn behind the Buckster. Johnny Buck is an idiot manchild, on par with Steven Wakefield. Thus, his cousin with the really ridiculous name, is a perfect stand-in for him.
  •   Charlie Cashman (9)
    A bully? A trouble-maker? I dunno, he pops up when conflict is necessary.
  •   Charlie Markus (1)
  •   Chris Handel (1)
    Annoying identical twin who woos one of our twins. Which one? Nobody cares. Too much twin switching.
  •   Chris Sanders (0)
  •   Chrissy Steele (1)
    What happens when you have both a child and a holiday? Why, you take the holiday and give the child to the Wakefield twins to look after. Chrissy is their “little sister” for a week. During which time, the twins realise they hate being older sisters.
  •   Christian Gorman (0)
  •   Christoph Bachmann (1)
    East German gymnast.
  •   Christopher Hunter (1)
  •   Claire Caldwell (1)

    1882-1892 RIP

    If that didn’t tip you off, she’s dead. She captivates Elizabeth and her end goal was to get Elizabeth to join her in the afterlife, so they can be DBBF (Dead Best Friends Forever).
  •   Claire Middleton (0)
  •   Colin Harmon (2)
    A dude. Not really sure what he does, but he’s always around in the background.
  •   Conner McDermott (0)
  •   Constance Gray aka Coco (1)
    Are you into Johnny Buck? You are? Loser. Everyone knows Coco is where it’s at now. She’s also Brooke’s mom. She’s also a fucking terrible parent. So she fits right in at Sweet Valley.
  •   Courtney Thomas (1)
  •   Curtis Bowman (3)
    Ellen’s surfer dude boyfriend, whom nobody else likes because they’re from California, near the beach, and they look down on… surfing Californians? *stage whisper* The Jamies know that Sweet Valley is in California, right?
  •   Cute Recurring Boys (0)
    OMG he’s “soooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute”
  •   Damon Ross (1)
    A writer on the Spectator. That’s all I’ve got at book 1.
  •   Dan Scott (1)
  •   Dana Larson (3)
    Fantastic singer. Probably won’t do much other than lose singing gigs to Jessica until Sweet Valley High.
  •   Daniel Ross-Jones (0)
    Jessica's science teacher who helps her reach her full potential. (from Wiki, since I have no idea who this is.)
  •   Danny Jackson (1)
    Danny Jackson is the subject of a very special episode, wherein Liz thinks he went to a rubbish school before attending Sweet Valley Middle, but actually he has a learning disability – dyslexia, to be precise.
  •   Danny Stauffer (0)
    Jessica’s date during Dangerous Love. She drops him when he feebly allows himself to be beaten up by Jerry “Crunch” McAllister. Then takes him back in Dear Sister.
  •   Darren Caruso (1)
    Love interest of Aunt Laura. Wonder if he’ll still exist by the time we get to Sweet Valley High?
  •   Dave Carlquist (1)
    High school radio DJ with a super-cool voice. Also known as Buddy. Is described as looking exactly like Buddy Holly, but I suspect referencing the 1950s was too contemporary for Sweet Valley. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   David Barton (1)
    Is he a ghost? Unlikely, he’s wearing a Johnny Buck t-shirt. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy McClarendon backyard by Jessica.
  •   David Lowell (1)
    Kid at the Sweet Valley Homeless Shelter. He has a dog named Charlie, which he kept hidden, and the Wakefields have to foster until he gets a new home. Goes to Lila’s Founding Fling.
  •   DeeDee Gordon (2)
    Bill Chase’s girlfriend. Sorry to define her as such, but she doesn’t really have any character traits beyond “girl” and “in love with Bill”.
  •   Dennis Asher (1)
    Some boy that Jessica wants her third first kiss with. Status: probably dead in the woods somewhere. Maybe eaten by a bear.
  •   Dennis Cookman (5)
    A bully who calms down after knowing the friendship of a good woman. Well, girl.
  •   Dennis Sampson (1)
    Monster child that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Denny Jacobson (7)
    Athlete, seventh grader, Janet Howell’s sort-of boyfriend. Or actual boyfriend. Maybe you’re allowed to date when you’re thirteen? Older brother of Pamela, who was important for all of one book and hasn’t been seen since.
  •   Devon Whitelaw (0)
  •   Donald Zwerdling (3)
    A nerd. Only used if Winston Egbert and Randy Mason are busy.
  •   Donny Diamond (1)
    Also known as Donald Kaminsky, lead singer of the Polka Dots. Ms Langberg’s cousin. Also a mega star who is “sooooooo cuuuuuuuuuute”.
  •   Dr Costa (2)
    Doctor who points out – very reasonably – that Mary Giacco-Robinson-Wallace has been through a lot recently. For example, the fact that in the space of six books she’s had three different surnames.
  •   Dr Robinson (1)
    Vet at the Sweet Valley Aquarium. Helped save Whiskers’ life, and was involved in the clean-up of the oil spill in #45 Lucy Takes the Reins.
  •   Dylan McKay (2)
    The less popular, much nerdier, brother of Tom McKay. Has issues then vanishes, just like every other issue-riddled b-player in Sweet Valley. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Elizabeth Wakefield (207)
    Most perfect human being on the planet. How would life go on without her?
  •   Ellen Riteman (86)
    Member of the Unicorn Club. Thick as two short planks. On the covers, she always looks like she's been transplanted from the 1950s.
  •   Ellie McMillan (2)
    Lila’s “little sister” from the Child Care Centre. Wins over our haughty diva by telling her she’s pretty. Mutual adoration on both sides from then on.
  •   Emily Mayer (1)
  •   Enid Rollins (9)
    Elizabeth’s new best friend since Amy moved to Connecticut. She has an abusive boyfriend, a deep dark past, and Elizabeth for a best friend. Can this girl just not get a break?
  •   Ethan Williams (1)
    A professor at Sweet Valley University who has a crush on Elizabeth. Who is aged twelve at the time. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?
  •   Eva Sullivan (2)
    Is she a ghost? Is she a demon? Is she real? To quote Alice Wakefield, “I guess we’ll never know”. There, I just saved you reading four terrible books.
  •   Evie Kim (7)
    A new girl (shocking, right?). A breath of fresh air! I wonder what she’s like? I hope she’ll stay—oh, she’s gone. Ok. Well, it was nice having a smidge of diversity while you were here, Evie Kim.
  •   Ferney Glize (1)
  •   Frank Howard (1)
    The hot millionaire that Jessica is convinced Alice will leave Ned for in Jumping to Conclusions. Raven assumes he looks like Fabio. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   George Fowler (8)
    Father of Lila Fowler. Attended the prestigious “Oh, I have a child? Um… take my credit card” School of Parenting. Graduated with a Searing Indifference in attention and a Spectacular Absence in attendance.
  •   George Henkel (1)
    Son of Howard Henkel, a man with PTSD, who resents everyone on the planet. Thank god Elizabeth is here to force them to reconcile, because who you are biologically related to is far more important than what is good for your (or their) mental, physical and emotional well-being. Because Elizabeth says so. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   George Warren (2)
    The boy that Enid went joyriding with on a meth high and nearly killed a child. Also, totally cute now that he’s a good boy. Better than Ronnie Edwards. But then again, many things are.
  •   Ginny Lu Culpepper (2)
    Yeeee-haw! Like a boring version of Jessie from Toy Story 2. Bullied because of her country ways. But she gets better. And then vanishes. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Giovanna Screti (1)
    Irritating exchange student who does not immediately throw herself on the ground and proclaim that Sweet Valley is literally the best place in the universe. Also, kind of a dickhead herself. Her book sucks.  Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Gloria Andrews (1)
    Some girl who thinks Steven’s hot in book #16 Second Best. Never seen again, so clearly she came to her senses. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Grace Oliver (10)
    Timid member of the Unicorn Club. Tames a bully. Fancies a nerd. I sort of love her.
  •   Grandma Robertson (1)
    Alice’s mother. Got her ears pierced at a young age.
  •   Grandpa Robertson (1)
    Alice’s father. Likes Darcy Campman.
  •   Granny Mercandy (1)
    Alleged witch. Actually just a nice old lady who takes care of her orphaned granddaughter and ill husband. It's so easy to confuse those things.
  •   Great Aunt Helen (3)
    The bringer of the cash the kids make it rain with on the front cover of The Wakefields Strike it Rich. She also inherits an inn from an old friend. Too much money and free properties? This woman suffers from #WakefieldProblems (Rosey also reports this woman is nothing to do with the Wakefield clan according to the Wakefield Sagas.)
  •   Greg Voynow (1)
    Olympic hurdler with learning disabilities. Now an activist. The text points out that he often visits boys’ clubs to talk about it. So from that we can infer that girls don’t have learning disabilities. Or that Olympic Greg has preferences.
  •   Gretchen Sampson (1)
    Monster child that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Guy Chesney (1)
  •   Heather Mallone (0)
  •   Heather Sanford (0)
  •   Helen Bradley (2)
    Someone Jessica passed notes to in class. Who are you Helen Bradley? Why don’t you exist outside of this single sentence in #13 Stretching the Truth? Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Henry “Hank” Patman (3)
    Father of Bruce. Bit of a dick. Owns a massive mansion that reeks of old money. Also owns a beach house in Sweet Valley. You know, the town by the beach. Where his main house is.
  •   Hollywood Jones (1)
    TV presenter of the Sweet Valley equivalent of Record Breakers. Kind of a dick.
  •   Homeless Kate (1)
    A homeless woman staying at Sweet Valley Women’s Shelter with her daughter that Lila hires to act as her mother.
  •   Jack (no surname) (1)
  •   Jake Hamilton (2)
    Popular seventh grader – oh, Bruce does have friends – and Lila’s love interest.
  •   Janet Howell (71)
    President of the Unicorn Club and Lila’s cousin. Kind of a moron and a dickhead. Possibly the only girl in seventh grade. Apparently very popular, despite the fact that nobody likes her. It’s a conundrum.
  •   Jason Stone (1)
    A friend of Steven’s who is so grown up at eighteen that he runs an art course. Shows an interest in Betsy Martin.
  •   Jay McGuire (1)
  •   Jean and Joan Percy aka The Tween Twins (1)
    A pair of twins that the Wakefield twins have never met. The Wakefield parents offer to babysit them for a couple of weeks and promptly drop them in Jessica’s lap. All the while berating her for any mistake she makes in parenting a set of twins she never fucking asked for. (Yes, Dove is still bitter. Can you tell?)
  •   Jean-Claude de Willenich (1)
  •   Jeannie West (0)
  •   Jeff Casey (1)
    Relative of Mr Casey. Wants to inherit Casey’s Place, despite obviously hating working there. Frames Joe Carey for armed robbery.
  •   Jeffrey French (0)
    The beige paint that replaces beige paint. I feel certain we never find out what happens to him. One day he just becomes so beige that the walls accept him as one of their own, and now he’s just a part of the halls of Sweet Valley High forever.
  •   Jerry McAllister (13)
    Utterly interchangeable with Dennis Cookman and Charlie Cashman. Oh, wait. He might be fat. But not as fat as Lois, because every knows fatness is twice as gross on girls.
  •   Jessica Wakefield (216)
    Aspiring serial killer. Utterly selfish and ruthless, snobby and vapid.
  •   Jill Hale (2)
    The most wonderful and perfect girl that Steven has ever seen (aside from Jessica, obv). Unfortunately she, like everyone else on the planet, thinks he’s a complete tool. Of course, she’s an obnoxious tit, so they would be perfect together, but that was not to be.
  •   Jim Sturbridge (4)
    A guy who plays baseball. Belinda Layton’s love interest. Also, a colossal prick who really gets his bullying groove on in the early books.
  •   Jimmy Lancer (0)
    The high school boy that Lila sets her sights on and showers with money and gifts in an attempt to get her father’s attention. Yeah, you read that right. Lila’s issues are not nuanced. Just expensive.
  •   Jimmy Underwood (1)
    A character created purely because the fleet of ghostwriters forgot that they already had a short guy in the form of Ken Matthews. Or the ghost writer of The Bully didn’t want to make Ken Matthews a victim of bullying. I don’t think we ever see Jimmy again. He is described thusly: “Jimmy was the smallest boy in school. He was even shorter than Ken Matthews. Everyone teased him about his size, but he was well liked and protected by the bigger guys, especially Aaron Dallas.” Ah, the juxtaposition of being ruthlessly teased, but well-liked and allegedly protected. Feels like a protection racket to me.
  •   Joe (aka "Sam") Howell (13)
    Janet’s brother. For some reason, he’s known as Sam in #37 (The War Between the Twins) but he’s actually known as Joe throughout the rest of the series. Why? Because the same reason that Melissa’s mum died, then picked her up from the Dairi Burger 12 books later.
  •   Joe Carrey (1)
    (New) owner of Casey’s place. Nearly went to prison for armed robbery because his lawyer was too dim to figure out what Elizabeth Wakefield did.
  •   Johanna Porter (1)
    Julie Porter's older sister, singer, and invisible until needed. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   John Pfeifer (0)
  •   Johnny Buck (7)
    Supercute “rock star” who starts concerts at 3pm, throws baseball caps to girls at every town he’s in, and has albums with titles such as “The Buck Stops Here”.
  •   Josh Angler (2)
    The first person to give Jessica her “first kiss”. Also, a junior at High School, so he’s sixteen to her twelve years of age. Made a teensy bit less creepy by the fact that Jessica lied and said she was fourteen-and-a-half (don’t forget the half). But still creepy. Also, baby face on a twenty-five year old’s body on the cover. Back to creepy. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Julia Abbott (1)
    One of the Eights.
  •   Julie Porter (16)
    One of Elizabeth's best friends, despite the fact we never see her, and she never does anything interesting. Writer on the Sixers. Has an older sister.
  •   Justin Belson (0)
  •   Justin Pratt (1)
    Lila’s gardener’s grandson/date for Valentine’s day. Sadly never seen again. Dove adores people who are not afraid of Lila’s rudeness.
  •   Katherine Pierce (1)
    A failed starlet, washed up at the age of… oh, I don’t even care. Was the face of a gym/health centre that promoted starving yourself, washing in dubious chemicals and getting off your tits on vitamins.
  •   Kelly Bates (1)
    Cousin Kelly. Daughter of Laura and her feckless wastrel of an ex. Apparently will reappear in Sweet Valley High, which is weird, because the twins are BFFs with cousin Robin until the Sweet Valley High team got in touch and told them about Kelly.
  •   Ken Matthews (23)
    Very short basketball player with daddy issues and a Napoleon complex. As intelligent as plywood. Amy’s love interest. (Spoiler: goes “fatally” blind in one SVH book, but gets better.)
  •   Kent Kellerman (2)
    Adorable actor on tacky soap All the World that the Unicorns are addicted to. Also, Brooke Dennis’ father knows him.
  •   Kerry Glenn (5)
    Q: Who are you, Kerry Glen? A: If you need a background non-Unicorn to speak, and Cammi Adams isn’t around, Kerry’s who you need.
  •   Kimberly Haver (30)
    Member of the Unicorn Club. Honestly, I don't think she's ever done anything interesting ever. Maybe when we get to the Unicorn Club I'll have something to write here.
  •   Kristin Seltzer (2)
    A popular girl at Junior High who has beautiful hair, a great smile, and is described as “chubby”. Which Jessica breezes right past to think about how amazing her hair is. A moment of amazing character growth. Long may it continue.
  •   Lacey Frells (2)
    Another pretty, popular girl at Junior High, who seems to have mysterious motives. Dove thinks she’s obsessed with Jessica, Raven thinks she has beef with Lila. As of book 1, neither of us knows for sure.
  •   Larissa Harris (0)
  •   Laura the Angel (1)
    Elizabeth’s guardian angel, who teaches Elizabeth that Sweet Valley would fucking crumble without her.
  •   Laura Wright (1)
    Granddaughter of the woman who didn’t marry the gardener who buried $200 in the Ritemans’ back yard in the 1920s. (Note: Not only did her gran refuse to marry “the help” for true love, but she also kept his money. What a bitch.) Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Leslie Forsythe (1)
    The genius who convinced Mr Bowman to make a movie instead of teaching English during The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley. Big crush on Randy Mason. Has aspirations of becoming an actress.
  •   Leslie Linwood (1)
    Long-lost biological brother of Anna Barrett. Who is Anna Barrett? Well, if you didn’t read Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief, you’ll never know. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Lila Fowler (146)
    Member of the Unicorn Club, Jessica's BFF (Best Frenemy Forever), Janet's cousin. Fabulously wealthy.
  •   Linda Lloyd (2)
    Exists solely to move away and vacate the position of Sixth Grade President. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Lloyd Benson (3)
    Need a nerd? Randy Mason and Winston Egbert are busy? Don’t worry. Lloyd Benson is here. I don’t know what his thing is. Winston is a Booster, Randy wears a “Physics is your friend!” t-shirt. Lloyd is the leftover nerd.
  •   Loads of East Germans (1)
    Yeah. Loads of them.
  •   LOADS of fantasy characters and cliches (2)
    Too many to count. Behold the fun (and fail) of Sweet Valley trying the fantasy genre.
  •   Lois Waller (24)
    OMG, SHE'S FAT! SHE'S A FATTY! A CHUBBER IN SWEET VALLEY! GATHER THE VILLAGERS! TELL THEM TO LIGHT THEIR TORCHES AND GATHER THEIR PITCHFORKS. (Observe the front cover of her book, she's just the same size as everyone else.)
  •   Lucy Benson (1)
    Girl who likes horse-riding. Yet another one of Elizabeth’s book-long soulmates. Has an angsty backstory with epilepsy, but everything comes good when her parents see how good she is at riding and not having an epileptic seizure. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Lynne Henry (1)
  •   Madame André (5)
    French ballet teacher, with no business sense at all. Randomly creates lessons and demands people turn up with five minutes’ notice. If there was any kind of justice in Sweet Valley, she’d go bankrupt.
  •   Madame Baril (1)
    Ballet teacher. Significantly better than Madame André. Picks up on Patty’s scoliosis.
  •   Madame du Noir (1)
    French woman. Sass on legs. The only redeeming feature of a totally shit book. Shame she wasn’t a murderer.
  •   Mandy Miller (58)
    Member of the Unicorn Club. Actually nice and is friends with people outside the club. Beat cancer and regrew her hair after chemotherapy in the space of a chapter. Clearly magical.
  •   Manuel Lopez (0)
  •   Margo Chapelle (0)
  •   Maria Santelli (0)
  •   Maria Slater (32)
    Former child star, close friend of Elizabeth – quite often has something to do outside of her own book. Probably the only African-American in Sweet Valley. Oddly for its time and the scary Aryan nature of genetics in Sweet Valley, this is not a big deal. I’m amazed.
  •   Marie Patman (1)
    Bruce’s mother. A right Karen. Who is best friends with another Karen. And that’s the nicest thing I can say about her.
  •   Marion Hobart (1)
    Another girl who looks exactly like the twins. She accomplishes this by acting taller. Or something. Her one redeeming feature is all the bitchy pot-shots she takes at long-running ghost-written serialized fiction. God bless her.
  •   Mark Ramirez (1)
    A teacher who is too good for this sinful world. He teaches an “optional” creative writing (that is not optional at all), and changes Todd’s life. He teaches him that he can have two personality-defining traits. Consequently, Todd now likes basketball and writing.
  •   Mark Riteman (2)
    Younger brother of Ellen. Once had a pet parakeet called Leon. Got swindled by Ellen and Jessica during Buried Treasure.
  •   Martin (1)
    Partnered with Jessica in Jessica on Stage. Got stage fright and had to bail. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Marvin Mercandy (1)
    Accused of being a zombie. Actually suffering from partial paralysis following a stroke. Thank god the Sweet Valley kids are so sensitive about these things.
  •   Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace (33)
    Former foster kid (Giacco, living with the Altmans), found her birth mother (Robinson), went through angst when her mum remarried (Wallace) but finally settled down. Sometimes has brown hair, sometimes looks just like the twins. Her mother looks just like Alice Wakefield. Seriously, the gene pool is shallow in Sweet Valley.
  •   Max Dellon (1)
    A member of The Droids. And a member in general. Spends an entire book raging that he doesn’t understand books. Finally has a breakthrough at the end of the story, where he realises that reading them helps you understand them. A fucking moron. Even after he learns this valuable lesson.
  •   May Brown (1)
    The babysitter who was thrust on the unsuspecting Wakefield kids when their parents absconded to Mexico to mule drugs across the border. Very into health food. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Melissa McCormick (9)
    An “orphan” with a living father. Is not scared of Lila. Her mother’s death was the subject of Book #58 (Elizabeth and the Orphans), but in book #86 (It Can’t Happen Here) she picks up Melissa from the Dairi Burger. Guess that death thing didn’t take.
  •   Mike McClusky (2)
    Random dude who only shows up when a certain writer is acting as Jamie. Bless her for trying to make fetch happen.
  •   Miranda Page (1)
    Some girl from camp that the twins befriend.
  •   Molly Hecht (0)
  •   Mr “Chrome Dome” Cooper (0)
    The alleged principal of Sweet Valley High. Everyone knows the Wakefields run it though.
  •   Mr Baker (1)
    Awesome science teacher with the short-lived SOAR! (Science Offers Awesome Rewards!) programme. Utterly cool. Too good for Sweet Valley Middle School, but we will miss him. It is extremely unlikely that Jessica killed him and buried him in the Mercandy backyard.
  •   Mr Beaumont (1)
    Thief and swindler, who was caught and brought to justice by Saint Elizabeth Wakefield.
  •   Mr Bert/Jim Wilkins (1)
    Todd’s father, who goes from supportive father to emotional abuser in the space of about three chapters, causing his son to try to run away. Called Jim in Twins, but Bert in High. Or Todd has two dads, which is incredibly progressive for this series.
  •   Mr Bowman (14)
    “Quirky” English teacher with boundary issues. Wears horrible clothes. Elizabeth’s favourite teacher, so I hate him based on that.
  •   Mr Clark (7)
    After a lengthy debate on the podcast, we finally established that Janet Howell is not the head teacher. It’s Mr Clark.
  •   Mr Davis (4)
    Absolute tool of a human being, who thinks girls are smaller, weaker and less intelligent than boys (and deserve to be paid less). But he grudgingly gives a two-word apology at the end of a book, so all good here.
  •   Mr Dennis (1)
    Brooke’s father. A much better parent than his ex-wife, Coco, who forces Brooke to keep secrets from her own father. For some reason though, the text is convinced that a daughter needs a bad mother far more than a good father.
  •   Mr Edwards (1)
    A teacher. Teaches and shit. I’m tired. I don’t know who he is. Is he the vice principal or something?
  •   Mr Gerard Stillman (1)
    The boyfriend of the mother of the little girl that Lila takes a shine to at the shelter. Good god that's a mouthful.
  •   Mr Grant (1)
    Father of Rachel Grant. Also attended the same hopeless school of parenting as George Fowler.
  •   Mr Linwood (1)
    Father of Leslie Linwood, who is long-lost biological brother of Anna Barrett. Who is Anna Barrett? Well, if you didn’t read Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief, you’ll never know.
  •   Mr Lowell (1)
    Father of David. Very handy with cars. Was homeless until he scored a job with the Fowlers maintaining their cars.
  •   Mr Nydick (8)
    Allegedly about to be fired in book 1 for doing “something horrendous, maybe to one of the kids.” but still has a job in later books.
  •   Mr Quincy (1)
    Utter gurgling sewer pipe of a human being. Abused his dog. Wing wants to set him on fire. We all want Wing to set him on fire. Status: Never seen again. We hope he is dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica. #ThankYouJess
  •   Mr Riteman (1)
    Ellen Riteman's dad. After the divorce, he gets his own place an apartment complex. Has he mentioned the pool and tennis courts?
  •   Mr Robert Thomas (2)
    Sarah Thomas’ father. Was going to marry Annie, until she nearly killed his daughter with neglect. Moved on to a much better woman – Sophia Rizzo’s mother.
  •   Mr Roger Collins (2)
    The new Mr Bowman. This one is a creepily invested in his young students’ personal lives. Particularly Elizabeth’s.
  •   Mr Sampson (1)
    Parent of the monster children that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Shockingly indifferent regarding who looks after her child. As long as the babysitter goes to Sweet Valley Middle School, it’s all good. No, don’t want to meet them first. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Mr Stefan (1)
    Choir master. Is apparently unable to hear the difference between three and four voices singing. Possibly music was his “backup” career? Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Mr Sutton (1)
    Married to Dyan Sutton, father to Amy. Maybe one day he’ll get a name.
  •   Mr Sweeney (1)
    Teaches art. That’s all I got.
  •   Mrs Arnette (8)
    Known as “the Hairnet” because she wears a hairnet every day. Kind of grumpy.
  •   Mrs Beaumont (1)
    Thief and swindler, who was caught and brought to justice by Saint Elizabeth Wakefield.
  •   Mrs Catherine Bramble (1)
    Owner of a fat spaniel named Sally. Puts up with more shit than she should, and doesn’t have the good sense to throttle Jessica for failing to do the job she was paid to do.
  •   Mrs Gerhart (2)
    Teaches cooking. I bet that’s rewarding in a town full of people who have maids.
  •   Mrs Harrington aka Dolores Dufay (1)
    Once a star of the silver screen. Was in an acting partnership with her husband, but when he passed away, she left the business, feeling that she wasn’t a performer in her own right. (Also, she was over thirty, so it’s not like she’d get cast in anything.) Worked with Jessica during her first acting phase.
  •   Mrs Henry (aka Hot Mamma) (1)
  •   Mrs Linda McMillan (2)
    Mother of Ellie, Lila’s “little sister”. Seems like a nice, hard-working lady. Pretty sure Lila’s going to steal her kid.
  •   Mrs Patman (1)
    Mother of Bruce. Bit of a dick. Owns a massive mansion that reeks of old money. Also owns a beach house in Sweet Valley. You know, the town by the beach. Where her main house is.
  •   Mrs Pervis (2)
    Housekeeper at the Fowler household. Is like a mother to Lila. Has a son. All of this we learned in a single paragraph in Poor Lila!
  •   Mrs Riteman (3)
    Possibly the only decent parent in Sweet Valley as of the first twelve books. Actually reprimanded her kid for stealing – noting that just because the money they took didn’t belong to their friends, didn’t make it any less theft.
  •   Mrs Rizzo (2)
    Sophia and Tony’s mom. Kind of an awesome lady. Was on disability benefits, but was saved by the Wakefields (obv). Now works for an international firm where she gets to use her Italian a lot. Dates Mr. Thomas.
  •   Mrs Sampson (1)
    Parent of the monster children that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Shockingly indifferent regarding who looks after her child. As long as the babysitter goes to Sweet Valley Middle School, it’s all good. No, don’t want to meet them first.
  •   Mrs Waldron (1)
    Aunt of Ginny-Lu Culpepper. Not sure what she teaches.
  •   Mrs Wilkins (1)
    Todd’s mother, who is just wasting space on the page. I hear in later books she bakes a cake. That’ll be exciting.
  •   Mrs Willard (1)
    The head honcho at the Child Care Centre where the Unicorn Club are sentenced to community service. Seems nice, but values Wakefield life over a cat, so Raven and Dove are torn on how they feel about her.
  •   Ms Lacey (1)
    Teaches the jewellery making class in #13: Stretching the Truth.
  •   Ms Langberg (2)
    Gym teacher. Seemingly oblivious to the bully tactics of the Unicorns. Or a big enabler. At least it fits the trend of sadistic PE teachers.
  •   Ms Malone (1)
    Alarming MLM/pro-ana “health club” manager who does her best to kill a celebrity with shitty vitamins and overwork. Kind of like that girl you knew in school but didn’t like, but that’s not stopping her from sending you invites to join her MLM over Facebook. Sometimes even on your birthday posts. That girl. (If you are that girl: fucking stop.)
  •   Ms McDonald (2)
    Teaches music. Works out ithig. Was utterly competent until she joined the teaching staff full time.
  •   Ms Mendez (Assistant Principal) (1)
    Assistant Principal in The Curse of the Ruby Necklace. We are sceptical she will never show up again. This tag will give us an answer.
  •   Ms Nora Dalton (1)
    Pretty French teacher who seems to have spent the first two books fending off unwanted attention. She was dating George Fowler, but then there was a rumour that she was shagging Ken Matthews (a minor), but thankfully it was the 80s, so that wasn’t considered rape, and now she’s in Mr Collins’ sights. Run, lady. Run. You can speak French. That’s a great skill. I hear Canada’s nice.
  •   Ms Pauley (1)
    Teacher? In #16 Second Best? I got nothing.
  •   Ms Shepard (1)
    Trainee teacher who takes the kids back to the pioneer ages, but is young and cool, so even the Unicorns are interested. Mostly because she wears awesome shoes.
  •   Ms Wyler (8)
    Uh… teaches maths?
  •   Ned Wakefield (58)
    Law-practicing father of the twins. Not sure what kind of law, he seems to know about adoption, land, wills and corporate. Clearly must be a nightmare to work with. Or he’s still a trainee and is doing a three month seat in each area? Legal Practice areas: Family (#7 Three’s a Crowd); Corpoate/Copyright/IP (#18 Centre of Attention); and more to come as we cover those books.
  •   Neil Freemount (1)
    Just a random guy who dates Jessica.
  •   Nicholas Morrow (4)
    Brother of Regina. Rich as Bruce and Lila. Imprints on Elizabeth the first time he sees her. It’s not quite as creepy as Jacob and Renesmee, but it’s pretty close. Especially since Elizabeth has literally just returned from being abducted by a man who imprinted on her on their first meeting.
  •   Nick Handel (1)
    Annoying identical twin who woos one of our twins. Which one? Nobody cares. Too much twin switching.
  •   Nicky Shepard (1)
  •   Nora Chapelle (0)
  •   Nora Mercandy (8)
    Mistaken for a witch who lives in a haunted house. Relentlessly bullied until she revealed she had a famous grandpa, and now everything’s cool.
  •   Nurse Talkington (1)
    A nurse with far too big a mouth, who happily spills all the tea on a young celebrity to Mandy, based on the fact that Mandy bravely trounced cancer.
  •   Officer Carey (2)
    Officer Carey, the best police officer Sweet Valley has to offer. And by this I mean he’s blazingly indifferent to everything that goes on, safe in the knowledge that busybody Elizabeth will solve the crimes of Sweet Valley.
  •   Oliver Washington (1)
    Jessica’s favorite/number one pest at the Child Care Centre. She saved him from drowning. He saved her from drowning. It’s a thing. Read the book. It’s amazing.
  •   Olivia Davidson (9)
    Quirky hippie artist. Ought to beware of fridges and earthquakes.
  •   Pam Martin (1)
    Some girl that Steven tries to woo, despite already having a girlfriend that is too good for him (Cathy Connors).
  •   Pamela Jacobson (4)
    Subject of a Very Special Episode, where we learn that being disabled is just like spraining your ankle. Her brother, Denny shows up in far more books. Probably because he’s “so cute”. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Pamela McDonald (1)
    One of the creepiest characters ever invented in Sweet Valley. She becomes obsessed with Elizabeth during Elizabeth the Impossible. She dresses like her, befriends her, gets rid of Elizabeth’s other friends, and then starts controlling Elizabeth’s behaviour. See, Elizabeth, it’s not nice to be on the other end of your book-long soulmates bullshit, is it? Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Pamela Robertson (0)
  •   Parents and Teachers and other adults who should know better (0)
    Exactly what it says above.
  •   Patrick Morris (6)
    Sophia Rizzo has a crush on him. I swear he has a storyline, but I cannot remember it. After re-reading that story, no wonder I forgot it. His parents kept saying no to stuff because they were broke. Patrick ran away. But everything got better. It sucked.
  •   Patty Gilbert (2)
    Sweet Valley's second African-American student. Shows up to have scoliosis, and is never seen again. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Penny Ayala (0)
  •   Pete Stone (1)
    Was seen in Sweet Valley Twins #40: Danny Means Trouble “pretending to be deaf” by sticking straws in his ears. Clearly a thoughtful young man. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Peter Burns (2)
    Not to be confused with the lead singer of Dead or Alive. Was seen in Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard, Jessica thinks he was Einstein in a former life. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Peter DeHaven (5)
    The smart one, according to Wiki. I can’t tell the difference between him and the other Peter. Runs for the position of Class Treasurer against Elizabeth and calls himself “Rockin’ Peter” for this.
  •   Peter Jeffries (3)
    The one Mandy has a crush on, according to Wiki. I can't tell the difference between him and the other Peter.
  •   Peter Sampson (1)
    Monster child that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Prince Adair (1)
    Prince of the Hidden Kingdom. Rules with his identical twin. He’s the Jessica of the two.
  •   Prince Dorin (1)
    Prince of the Hidden Kingdom. Rules with his identical twin. He’s the Elizabeth of the two.
  •   Rachel Grant (5)
    Moves in next door to Lila. Is a fucking nightmare. Because in a series about toxic girls backstabbing each other, what you want to add is one more backstabbing harpy. Also, she's black. So that's terrific representation. I'm sure young black girls are delighted to see themselves represented by a spoiled brat that would screw over their "best friend" at the drop of a hat. THANKS, I HATE HER.
  •   Randall Boyer (1)
    Another kid that is bravely trouncing cancer while Mandy Miller (another cancer trouncer) cheers him on. Also a pawn in the Unicorns' big scheme to win Mandy back to their cause after the Unicorn/Angel split.
  •   Randy Mason (5)
    Super nerd. Loves science. Because nerd.
  •   Regina Morrow (3)
    Super rich. Super beautiful. Lila has a rivalry with her that is never explained, so we can only assume that “girls be like that, amiright?” is the reason. Deaf, but so magical you’d never notice it. The narrative always gushes, without any sense of embarrassment, about how she’s one of the good ones. She does seem nice, but Elizabeth’s patronising thoughts about her make Dove want to beat Elizabeth to death.
  •   Rene Glize (1)
  •   Riccoli kids (x5) (3)
    When the Wakefield’s shamelessly copy the Baby-Sitters Club, they need kids to sit. These ones will do. They’re probably dead now.
  •   Rick Andover (1)
    Bad boy. Drinks a lot. Kidnaps and assaults girls. Everyone is fine with it. You date him, you’re asking for it. That’s just how he is. What a good message.
  •   Rick Hunter (14)
    Another cute seventh grader (are there any other kinds? Are there any girls in seventh grade?), who has a crush on Jessica, meaning they snipe at each other. And I got invested and aside from one book, it never happened again!
  •   Ricky Capaldo (2)
    Small, shy, skinny boy. Jessica threatens to put him on a committee in #19 Boys Against Girls, in order that he’ll pull a sickey and the girls can control the vote. Narrowly avoided being tied up and kidnapped, but Jess managed to come up with a different plan.
  •   Rob (Amy's Boyfriend?) (1)
    Colossal wazzock. Tries to steal Jessica’s CDs at the Wakefields Big Party Weekend. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Roberta Manning (1)
    Ex-member of the Unicorn club. Had the bad taste to date Steven Wakefield. Was thrown out of the club. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead. Suspected murder(s): Alice Wakefield (because sooner or later her maternal instinct must kick in); Janet Howell (because she has a thing for Steve and hates people bad-mouthing the Unicorns); or Jessica Wakefield (because why not?). Probably buried in the Mercandy backyard.
  •   Robin (Wakefield?) (5)
    The twins' cousin who lives in San Diego. Sort of a mish-mash of Elizbeth and Jessica, and she looks like them too. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THE GENETICS IN THIS SERIES?
  •   Robin Wilson (3)
    A gigantic fat girl the size of a cruise ship who somehow slims down to Wakefield perfection after running for a week. Anyone on a weight loss journey envies Robin's weight loss abilities. Or thinks that SVH is the bitchiest school on the planet for fat-shaming a size eight. Either way, Robin, you're too good for this shit. Kill them all.
  •   Roger Barrett Patman (3)
    Bruce’s cousin-bro. The love child of Paul Patman and a minimum wage worker. Lived in poverty, and forced to work, his whole life because of his mother was too proud to accept the money freely offered by the Patman family. Dating Olivia, despite Lila and Jessica showing interest (only after he won a prestigious scholarship and became rich respectively).
  •   Ronald Rheece (0)
    The most adorable nerd that ever nerded. Dove is hoping that Ronald/Jessica is endgame and is willing to throw books across the room if it doesn’t happen.
  •   Ronnie Edwards (3)
    A slightly nerdy dude (but not as nerdy as Randy Mason), who would have been good on a the school remodeling committee, but this is war, and the girls controlled the vote in #17 Boys Against Girls.
  •   Saint Wakefield Clan (0)
    The Wakefield Clan. Cross your hands over your heart and whisper, "In Wakefields we trust" every time you see their overly-beautiful forms.
  •   Sally Holcomb (2)
    Sixth grader who has the audacity to have breasts already. Slut. She’s crushing on Jim Sturbridge, and kills Billie/Belinda Layton’s confidence. Then she vanishes without a trace and nobody ever mentions her again. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Sally Larson (0)
  •   Salvador del Valle (2)
    Elizabeth’s other new BFF at Junior High. This one is complicated by slight crushes on both sides (as of book 1). Bit of a tool, but far more rounded than any boy we met in Twins.
  •   Sam Sloane (1)
    Long-lost twin of David Barton. Note a ghost. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy McClarendon backyard by Jessica.
  •   Sam Woodruff (0)
  •   Samantha Williams (1)
    Penpal of Amy Sutton. Is a bag of dicks to Amy, ditches her for the Unicorns, and – as it turns out – ran away from home because her parents were paying more attention to her sister. Who was sick. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Sandra Bacon (0)
  •   Sandra Ferris (6)
    A fugly invisible girl who becomes popular through the power of prettiness after a makeover. Clearly she reverted to her former look, because she was never seen again after her book. Which is a good thing, because Sandra is an attention-seeking drama queen who needs a good kick in the face. Emotionally manipulative. Will probably spend the rest of her life crying in the loos on a night out, desperately forcing her friends to validate her prettiness. (Or Jessica killed her. I’m plumping for that one.) Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica. #ThankYouJess
  •   Sandra Kimbali aka Supah Speshul Sandra (1)
    SHE’S JUST SO MAGICAL AND SOOPAH SPESHUL I COULD DIE. Or a baby could. Shilled to the hilt for being fantastic, but utterly bland and uninteresting. Has the distinction of being in one of the worst books in the entire series. Oh, she’s the volleyball coach, if you want actual facts.
  •   Sarah Thomas (6)
    Only child, dead mother, a bit spoilt and would have died without Elizabeth's intervention (according to A Christmas without Elizabeth). Gets to be unlikely BFFs with Sophie Rizzo when their parents meet and start dating.
  •   Scheming Bitches Who Aren’t Jessica (0)
    When Jessica does it, it’s… well, it’s not ok, and since we got to High it’s not even fun, but the narrative seems to think it is. The narrative also seems to think when other girls do it, it’s awful. I feel like there’s some kind of observation in there… if only I could get to it…
  •   Scott Daniels (1)
    Predator who looks like Tom Selleck
  •   Scott Joslin (1)
    Seventh grade friend of Bruce Patman, so most probably a dick. Was briefly in the “rock band” NRG with Jessica. Status: Seen once or twice after initial appearance but disappears later. Possibly dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Shellae Mueller (0)
    From Wiki, since I haven't got that far in the series yet: enemy of the twins, burned their pom-poms, easily identified by her clipboard and 3-inch stiletto heels. (A 12 year old in 3" heels? WTF?)
  •   Sherrie Dunston (1)
    Superstar soprano/pretty girl and obvious nemesis of Jessica in Super Edition 2: The Class Trip. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Skye Morrow (1)
  •   Sonya Gray (1)
    Sonya is Brooke’s half-sister (Coco and Bobby’s child), though Brooke never refers to her as such, always just “sister”. That’s all I got. She’s largely just a McGuffin to move around the book as required.
  •   Sophia Rizzo (13)
    OMG, SHE’S POOR! RUN AWAY! Thank god Elizabeth sees past her mother’s income and get to know the real Sophia. Gets to be unlikely BFFs with Sarah Thomas when their parents meet and start dating. Has two birthdays in one school year (Against the Rules and The Incredible Madame Jessica).
  •   Stacey (Wakefield?) (3)
    Younger sister of Robin, and cousin to the twins. Has red hair like her father. Does she not know that everyone looks like the twins in this family?
  •   Stan the Director (1)
    The director of the Corny-O’s commercial the twins starred in.
  •   Starr Johnson (1)
    Some girl from camp that the twins befriend.
  •   Steven Fido I-VI (1)
    The six “children” of Jessica Wakefield and Rick Hunter. All met tragic ends due to their parents’ incessant abuse. #RIPStevenFido #NeverForget
  •   Steven Wakefield (98)
    Irritating older brother of the twins. His personality bounces wildly between wise protective big brother and colossal asshat.
  •   Susan Rainer (1)
    Yet another example of why girls can’t be friends. This one is a stuck-up cow who attends the SVU visit and is Jessica’s roommate.
  •   Susan Sampson (1)
    Monster child that Jessica babysits in Jessica and the Brat Attack. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Susan Stewart (0)
  •   Suzanne Devlin (2)
    Gorgeous, flirty and evil. I know, just like Jessica, right? Except this one is evil. I know, just like Jessica, right? Well the narrative informs us that this one, despite doing exactly the same things Jessica has done, is evil. Maybe it’s because she has dark hair?
  •   Suzanne Hanlon (1)
  •   Sweet Valley High ONLY Characters (0)
    Characters that only appear in Sweet Valley High.
  •   Sweet Valley Junior High Characters (0)
    Characters from Junior High.
  •   Sweet Valley Twins ONLY Characters (0)
    Characters that were dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard, and thus never made it to High.
  •   Tamara Chase (14)
    Member of the Unicorn Club. Has never done anything interesting in the entire series so far (I'm up to book 83). But she has a really pretty name, so that's something. Raven has a completely unfounded hatred for her.
  •   Team Boring (0)
    Elizabeth's vibrant and exciting besties. Go on, name one fun thing Amy Sutton did in middle school. In fact, name literally anything Julie Porter did in middle school.
  •   Team Unibore (1)
    The combination of Unicorns and Team Boring. Surprisingly pleasing.
  •   Team Unicorn/Jessica's Harpies (0)
    The hot evil ones. They’re really beautiful, but they’ll probably hack out your throat with a stiletto, spread rumours about you behind your back and hold hands with your boyfriend. And that’s if they like you.
  •   Ted Rogers (4)
    A lowly stablehand with a limp. Goes on to own Thunder, a horse previously owned by Lila, and never shows up again after book 8, First Place.
  •   Teddy Collins (1)
    Mr Collins’ mini-me. Convenient plot point that Elizabeth babysits. Also, Raven said that if Teddy showed up ever again, he would eat his hat. Or a cake that looks like a hat. Either way, this tag exists to show how much cake he’ll be making.
  •   The Bit Players (0)
    The guys and girls who show up week after week, sometimes being bullied by Jessica, sometimes being fixed by Elizabeth. Sometimes both at the same time, because everyone loves a time-saving book. But they’re not as important as the inner circle.
  •   The Clone of Tricia Martin (1)
  •   The Droids (0)
    A band. Not as interesting as that description would imply.
  •   The Jaguars (1)
    Pronounced: Jag-wahr (unless you’re English, then it’s jag-u-ahr) Like the evil twins of the Unicorns. These girls are so evil that people miss months of school after their initiation rituals. They make the Unicorns look like kind, giving and upstanding members of society.
  •   The Name Soup People (0)
    By the end of the book, you’ll have forgotten these people. They will never be seen again. Probably because Jessica murdered them and buried them in the Mercandy backyard.
  •   Tim Davis (3)
    He’s tall. And he plays basketball. That’s all I’ve got. Status: Never seen again. Presumed dead and buried in the Mercandy backyard by Jessica.
  •   Tim Wallace (1)
    Mary’s mother’s husband. Causes angst for Mary, who feels that there’s not enough room in her mum’s life for both of them, but is actually awesome, and everyone lives happily ever after.
  •   Todd Wilkins (42)
    Magnificently boring love interest of Elizabeth. Prone to getting in a snit over nothing. He never grows out of this. Sadly, he survives. I've read all of Sweet Valley Confidential/Sweet Life.
  •   Tom McKay (2)
    Much better and cuter version of Dylan McKay.
  •   Tony Rizzo (1)
    Sophia’s VCR-stealing brother. A cautionary tale of what happens if you mix with the wrong element of Sweet Valley. You become the wrong element of Sweet Valley.
  •   Tricia Martin (2)
    Allegedly a sweet and wonderful person who does amazing things. But we never get to see this, we’re only told by the Wakefields how she’s the only good one in the Martin family. Then she dies. So sad. Or it would be, if she had any personality traits beyond being very slim and pretty. Oh wait, they’re not traits. They’re descriptions.
  •   Uncle Kirk (Wakefield?) (1)
    Married to Aunt Nancy. Father of Robin and Stacey. Unknown surname. Nobody can figure it out. Ginger.
  •   Veronica Brooks (4)
    New girl. Lives next door to Lila. Her house is even bigger and better (and probably more gauche) than Lila’s. Tries to steal Todd. Tries to frame Jessica for theft. Appears to hate the Wakefields as much as every reader.
  •   Wakefield Grandparents (1)
  •   Winston Egbert (34)
    Class clown, geek, and member of the Boosters Club. Sort-of in a couple with Grace Oliver.