Sweet Valley High #26: Hostage!
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #26: Hostage!, which features hostages, daring rescues, useless police, and… random shit about Ken Matthews failing English.
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[Maroon is Raven’s colour.]
Sweet Valley High #25: Nowhere to Run
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #25: Nowhere to Run and what looks like a simple evil stepmother story ends with Wing BURNING EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND.
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Sweet Valley High Super Edition #2: Special Christmas
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Editions #2: Special Christmas wherein the specialness is ranked by how many whispered conversations the Wakefields can have about Suzanne Devlin.
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Sweet Valley High #23: Say Goodbye
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High 23: Say Goodbye and oh, it would help if she gave one flying fuck about Todd and Liz’s relationship, but since she doesn’t, be prepared for some nitpicking when cars and names change within a few pages.
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Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer, where most of the action is off screen but it makes up for it with 240 pages of dish washing.
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Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway, and it was going so well! Jessica’s depression worked! And then that rushed, Thank God For Liz ending ruined it.
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Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown the age-old story of two girls fighting over a boy. Who tries to kill one of them.
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Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.
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Sweet Valley High #16: Rags to Riches
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #16: Rags to Riches, wherein a cute boy becomes rich, and Jessica suddenly wants to date him. And it’s actually better than it sounds.
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Sweet Valley High #15: Promises
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.
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Sweet Valley High #13: Kidnapped!
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #13: Kidnapped!, a misleading book because 71% of the book is not about a kidnapping. It’s about the value of homework. FFS.
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Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.
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Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl, where Jessica AGAIN bullies a perfectly nice girl. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide
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Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many and is so. fucking. charmed. Friendships! Sisterhood! Emotional character growth! How is this series so damn cute?!
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Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.
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Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play and goes BOOM every few paragraphs. Also Liz doesn’t understand sarcasm or metaphors. Seriously.
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Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real
Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real
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Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire and three books in, she’s burning Sweet Valley to the ground.
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