Tag: The tears of a saint

Elizabeth is crying once more.

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer, where most of the action is off screen but it makes up for it with 240 pages of dish washing.

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The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

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Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

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Sweet Valley High #8: Heart Breaker

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Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #8: Heart Breaker, in which Bill Chase’s depressing backstory gets him an X Factor audition.

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Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long

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Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long, in which Jessica is “romanced” by a man with a mustache, and Elizabeth… fails… a… TEST!

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Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love

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Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love, the first book in the new series… and we’re not in Kansas anymore.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School

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Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.

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The Unicorn Club 6: The Unicorns at War

The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition)

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Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition) which is a rehash of Tug of War if blank-page Bella from Twilight was a main character #NotMyMandy

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

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Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

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Magna Edition 2 - A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth

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Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth, in which Elizabeth Lassos the Moon. Merry Chrismas, Sweet Valley!

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it’s actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost, which is a Sweet Valley retelling of A Christmas Carol, with pop stars and talking unicorns (not the girl gang), and loads of versions of Jessica… all of which she takes a few minutes to identify as being herself (or Liz).

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Sweet Valley Twins 18: Center of Attention - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #18: Center of Attention

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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #18: Center of Attention. And she loves it. Massively. We can mock her for this.

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Sweet Valley Twins 14: Tug of War by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #14: Tug of War

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #14: Tug of War, the first in the series to reuse a plot – and only two books after the last time this plot was used: student council elections!

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