Tag: Something Must Be Done

Someone, usually Elizabeth, is going to sort this shit out. Right now.

Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels by Francine Pascal

Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.

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The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

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Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.

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Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.

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Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play and goes BOOM every few paragraphs. Also Liz doesn’t understand sarcasm or metaphors. Seriously.

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The Unicorn Club 5: Unicorns in Love

The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love

Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we

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Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!

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Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won't Someone Help Anna by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna?

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna? There’s a new girl in town, and she’s deaf. BURN HER! BURN THE WITCH!

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Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery, which abounds with mystery and a little schooling, but has infinite charm.

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Sweet Valley Twins 52: Booster Boycott by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

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