Tag: Something Must Be Done

Someone, usually Elizabeth, is going to sort this shit out. Right now.

Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels

Posted on 6 February 20236 February 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.

Sweet Valley High #17: Love Letters

Posted on 30 January 202330 January 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #17: Love Letters, in which Caroline Pearce invents a boyfriend, who is more well rounded than most of her classmates.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Posted on 16 January 202316 January 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies

Posted on 12 December 202212 December 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.

Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Posted on 21 November 202221 November 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister

Posted on 31 October 20224 December 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.

Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play

Posted on 3 October 20224 December 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play and goes BOOM every few paragraphs. Also Liz doesn’t understand sarcasm or metaphors. Seriously.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #13: Elizabeth: Next Stop: Jr High

Posted on 11 July 202211 July 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #13: Elizabeth: Next Stop: Jr High, in which Elizabeth Wakefield spends five weeks in Costa Rica, snogging a boy in a forest.

The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love

Posted on 19 October 202125 November 2021 by Wing

Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we

Sweet Valley Twins #109: Don’t Go Into the Basement

Posted on 8 March 202114 March 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #109: Don’t Go into the Basement and there’s some sleuthing afoot.

Sweet Valley Twins #103: Elizabeth Solves It All

Posted on 16 November 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #103: Elizabeth Solves It All, where this Jamie appears to hate Elizabeth as much as Dove does, and Amy Sutton is surprisingly awesome. Yeah, no, really.

Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy

Posted on 10 August 20201 July 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Elizabeth the Spy, in which Elizabeth commits perjury in order to secure her supply of thick strawberry milkshakes.

Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian

Posted on 27 July 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Posted on 16 March 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace

Posted on 1 January 201921 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!

Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna?

Posted on 17 December 201825 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna? There’s a new girl in town, and she’s deaf. BURN HER! BURN THE WITCH!

Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery

Posted on 22 October 201825 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery, which abounds with mystery and a little schooling, but has infinite charm.

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Posted on 18 June 201821 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

Sweet Valley Twins #40: Danny Means Trouble

Posted on 5 February 201828 June 2018 by Dove

Dove slugs her way through another Very Special Episode during which she wants to murder Elizabeth. More than usual.

Sweet Valley Twins #36: Mary is Missing

Posted on 1 January 201826 May 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #36: Mary is Missing and though everybody’s a sleuth no one wears a dramatic trench coat.