Tag: Shame you’re not a perfect size 6

Look, we all know that fat people are the worst. And that being a perfect size 6 is the dream. Well, before size zero happened.

The Unicorn Club 1: Save the Unicorns

The Unicorn Club #1: Save the Unicorns!

Dove recaps Save the Unicorns! and cannot stop gushing about how bloody fantastic it is, we have daring flood rescues, fabulous parties and righteous demonstrations, not to mention great girl friendships!

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Sweet Valley Twins #112: If Looks Could Kill

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 112 If Looks Could Kill and a boring set of love triangles becomes an entertaining KILL THEM ALL game. Metaphorically, alas.

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Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller: The Curse of the Golden Heart. There are far too many dreams and far too little cursing.

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Sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero

Raven recaps sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero, in which Elizabeth saves Denny Jacobson’s life over and over again, yet no one thinks to stab Steven in the face.

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Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married, wherein each twin gets paired with an even worse version of themself and wacky hi-jinks ensue with bonus baby (egg) death! #RIPStevenFidos #NeverForget

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Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas wherein the emphasis is on the Magic rather than the Christmas, dolls can move, creatures die, and gosh, this summary sounds dark.

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Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book’s about.

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Sweet Valley Twins 37: The War Between the Twins by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins, in which Jessica launches a rival newspaper, many lies are told and Amy Sutton can just get in the f***ing sea.

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Sweet Valley Twins 29: Jessica and the Brat Attack by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack, wherein Jess faces four children more evil and annoying than herself. And Wing has zero sympathy. It is beautiful.

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Sweet Valley Twins 28: April Fool by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool!

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool! This book sees Elizabeth and Jessica join forces against their brother Stephen, who has become possessed by a giant squid. The fourteen-year-old sandwich chomper threatens to squirt his murky ink all over Sweet Valley, and the twins decree he Must Be Stopped. (Actually, that’s a big lie… April Fool!)

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Sweet Valley Twins 25: Standing Out by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #25: Standing Out

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 25: Standing Out, in which Billie Layton has to deal with getting her period, liking boys, and having her shitbag parents steal her name and give it to their new child.

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Sweet Valley Twins 19: The Bully - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully, a book which begs the question, “What are the cave’s dimensions?”

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Sweet Valley Twins 16: Second Best - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #16: Second Best

Wing Recaps Sweet Valley Twins 16: Second Best. Where brothers dislike each other, and it’s up to busybody Elizabeth to turn them into BFFs.

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Sweet Valley Twins #12: Keeping Secrets

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: Keeping Secrets, wherein Ned teaches the girls a secret (and tedious) language and IT TEARS THE SCHOOL APART!

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Sweet Valley Twins 5: Sneaking Out

Sweet Valley Twins #5: Sneaking Out

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #5: Sneaking Out, wherein Jessica nearly kills a dog. And gets rewarded with jewellery.

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Sweet Valley Twins #4: Choosing Sides

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #4: Choosing Sides, wherein Amy wants to twirl a baton, Jessica doesn’t want her to, and Elizabeth feebly stands in the middle, wondering whose side to take.

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Sweet Valley Twins 3: The Haunted House

Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House, where the entire school mistakes an orphan for a witch, and bullies her accordingly.

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