Sweet Valley Online

Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

Book-long soulmates

Elizabeth has spotted a new potential BFF-for-a-book. Like, they’re not as cool as Amy, but Amy’s so boring, because she hasn’t got any problems Liz can fix, so they’ve agreed to BFF other people for a book, because Liz needs an exciting BFF with a bucket of angst that Liz can pour away while smiling beatifically.


Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won't Someone Help Anna by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna? (17 Dec 2018)
Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won't Someone Help Anna? There's a new girl in town, and she's deaf. BURN HER! BURN THE WITCH!

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans (20 Aug 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it's actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom (23 Jul 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom wherein Coco, the newest hottest star, is a genuinely awful parent, allows her employee to abuse her daughter, and actively teaches her daughter to keep secrets from her father.

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Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley (25 Jun 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley wherein she over-identifies with a nerd, keeps saying Smooze instead of "the Slime" and Jessica's first kiss gets revoked.

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Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible (4 Jun 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book's about.

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Sweet Valley Twins #45: Lucy Takes the Reins by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #45: Lucy Takes the Reins (9 Apr 2018)
Dove recaps Lucy Takes the Reins, wherein Dove doesn't care in the slightest about Lucy, but ADORES WHOLEHEARTEDLY the b-plot, which features #BestJess

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Sweet Valley Twins 40: Danny Means Trouble by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #40: Danny Means Trouble (5 Feb 2018)
Dove slugs her way through another Very Special Episode during which she wants to murder Elizabeth. More than usual.

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Sweet Valley Twins 31: Jessicas Bad Idea by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #31: Jessica’s Bad Idea (30 Oct 2017)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 31: Jessica's Bad Idea, in which the most loathesome creature on the planet goes toe-to-toe with... Jessica? Yes. There is someone *worse* than Jess in Sweet Valley.

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Sweet Valley Twins 30: Princess Elizabeth by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #30: Princess Elizabeth (16 Oct 2017)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 30: Princess Elizabeth, in which we learn that the Santa Doran monarchy have incredibly lax security, and that... DOVE LOATHES THE CONCEPT OF MONARCHY.

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Sweet Valley Twins 27: Teamwork by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork (18 Sep 2017)
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork, in which a dog gets a bad dye job and Ken Matthews doesn't get paid for his hard work. Oh, and the twins exist.

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