Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life
Member of the Unicorn Club. Actually nice and is friends with people outside the club. Beat cancer and regrew her hair after chemotherapy in the space of a chapter. Clearly magical.
Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.
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Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.
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Raven recaps the Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date, in which I’d happily take a cricket bat and bludgeon Johnny Buck into a marmalade pulp.
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Wing recaps The Unicorn Club 20: In Love with Mandy and it is horrible, boring, repetitive, obnoxious, and she is just done.
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, in which the Unicorns discover you can be TOO thin, while simultaneously reminding us you can be too fat.
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Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Boyfriends for Everyone, AND THE STRENGTH OF HER RAGE COULD DESTROY THE WORLD. FUCK UNICORN “FRIENDSHIP.” FUCK EVERYTHING.
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #16: Bon Voyage, Unicorns, in which Ellen splits herself into four Horcruxes in an attempt to become immortal.
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Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #14: Lila on the Loose where Lila finally has had enough of her father’s lack of parenting and snaps. And it’s kind of glorious.
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn, in which Mandy Miller is both the ugliest thing in the world and the most beautiful girl on the planet.
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Title: Five Girls and a Baby Tagline: The baby-sitting job that won’t end Summary: When my friends in the Unicorn
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Title: Angels Keep Out Tagline: Playing dirty… [Wing: Where’s Nydick? He’d be thrilled with this.] Summary: Guess what the Angels
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #10: Mandy In The Middle, in which Mandy is obsessed with Randall, Lila is obsessed with Mandy, and Raven is obsessed with the word count.
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Title: Kimberly Rides Again Tagline: The Unicorns hit the trail! Summary: Guess what? Just when the Unicorns were finally back
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #7: Too Close for Comfort, and wishes he’d spent his time doing LITERALLY anything else.
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Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition) which is a rehash of Tug of War if blank-page Bella from Twilight was a main character #NotMyMandy
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Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister, in which Lila Fowler’s life is upended by a four-year-old spawn of pure evil.
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Title: The Best Friend Game Tagline: Winner take all… Summary: Can you believe there’s a new club at Sweet Valley
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Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Move Comeback and actually there’s some amazing character work and friendships while Maria stresses the hell out in a super sympathetic way.
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Dove recaps Save the Unicorns! and cannot stop gushing about how bloody fantastic it is, we have daring flood rescues, fabulous parties and righteous demonstrations, not to mention great girl friendships!
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