Character: Ken Matthews

Very short basketball player with daddy issues and a Napoleon complex. As intelligent as plywood. Amy’s love interest. (Spoiler: goes “fatally” blind in one SVH book, but gets better.)

Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets

Posted on 12 September 202225 September 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets in which Enid Rollins is the only decent human being

Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Posted on 3 August 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Posted on 25 May 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage, in which there’s genuine, terrifying, nail-biting peril. And the best line EVER from Tamara Chase.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Posted on 24 February 202023 February 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine, in which Lila falls for a bit of rough, and Todd Wilkins is completely insufferable.

Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day

Posted on 13 March 201913 March 2019 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day, and is way too charmed by a made-up holiday focused on pink romance.

Sweet Valley Middle School Yearbook Superlatives

Posted on 24 December 20183 January 2019 by Dove

Raven and Dove never did yearbooks. They never did superlatives. They felt like they missed out. Here are what they came up with…

Sweet Valley Twins #66: The Great Boyfriend Switch

Posted on 20 November 201825 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps The Great Boyfriend Switch, and needs a spreadsheet to keep track on all the Twinny subterfuge.

Sweet Valley Twins 62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mom by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum

Posted on 8 October 201813 December 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum and is both annoyed and bored. How? How is that even possible? All these great tropes and yet the story is terrible.

Sweet Valley Twins #54: The Big Party Weekend

Posted on 2 July 20189 February 2019 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #54: The Big Party Weekend, wherein the Wakefield siblings hold a super-cool party while their parents are off their boxes on disco biscuits.

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Posted on 18 June 201821 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

Sweet Valley Twins #43: Elizabeth’s First Kiss

Posted on 12 March 20182 December 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #43: Elizabet’s First Kiss, which sees Elizabeth lose her lip virginity to the inestimable Todd Wilkins… or does she?

Sweet Valley Twins #35: Amy’s Pen Pal

Posted on 11 December 201728 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins 35: Amy’s Pen Pal, in which Amy Sutton loses a new friend to siren call of the Unigibbons. Will they steal her friend forever?

Sweet Valley Twins #32: Jessica on Stage

Posted on 15 November 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing Recaps Sweet Valley Twins #32: Jessica on Stage, wherein Jessica gets mentored by the Sweet Valley equivalent of Doris Day. Because why not?

Jessica vs Elizabeth (The Hunger Games) by Dove

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 13

Posted on 11 November 201711 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. The tributes receive sponsorship gifts.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 9

Posted on 8 November 20177 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo, this time with a really long chapter of pre-Hunger Games interviews, hosted by Beau Dillon and Johnny Buck!

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 5

Posted on 4 November 20174 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to #NaNoWriMo. The tributes have been picked. How is everyone dealing with this? You might guess “not well” is the answer. You’d be right.

Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack

Posted on 9 October 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack, wherein Jess faces four children more evil and annoying than herself. And Wing has zero sympathy. It is beautiful.

Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork

Posted on 18 September 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork, in which a dog gets a bad dye job and Ken Matthews doesn’t get paid for his hard work. Oh, and the twins exist.

Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully

Posted on 26 June 201718 April 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully, a book which begs the question, “What are the cave’s dimensions?”

Sweet Valley Twins #11: Buried Treasure

Posted on 3 April 201718 March 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #11: Buried Treasure wherein Ellen and Jessica find buried treasure at the exact moment the class money goes missing and conclusions are drawn.