Tag: THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH

How on earth would we survive without Saint Elizabeth?

Sweet Valley High #22: Too Much In Love

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #22: Too Much In Love, in which he feels empathy for DeeDee and Bill while dicking about with a friendly AI robot.

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Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway, and it was going so well! Jessica’s depression worked! And then that rushed, Thank God For Liz ending ruined it.

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Sweet Valley High #20: Crash Landing!

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #20: Crash Landing! In which not even a titular exclamation point can muster up a flicker of interest.

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Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown the age-old story of two girls fighting over a boy. Who tries to kill one of them.

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Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels by Francine Pascal

Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School

Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.

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The Unicorn Club 4: Lila's Little Sister

The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister, in which Lila Fowler’s life is upended by a four-year-old spawn of pure evil.

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Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra

Dove recaps Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra and loathes every second of it, with special shout-out to Elizabeth-behaving-as-Jessica and Supah Speshul Sandra, not to mention the incomprehensible layout of where these games take place.

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Sweet Valley Twins #118: No Escape!

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #118: No Escape!, the last in the main SVT series – where Mr Seigel is crowned GOD OF TERRIBLE TEACHERS and Dove becomes Team Elizabeth in response.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #11: Jessica’s No Angel

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #11: Jessica’s No Angel, wherein – for the second time ever – Elizabeth is the greatest character ever.

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Sweet Valley Twins #94: Don’t Talk to Brian

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground AND DEAR GOD THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION BULLSHIT.

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Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery at the Mall by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall, in which Elizabeth Wakefield channels John McClane to bring down a crime ring.

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Magna Edition 2 - A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth, in which Elizabeth Lassos the Moon. Merry Chrismas, Sweet Valley!

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Sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero

Raven recaps sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero, in which Elizabeth saves Denny Jacobson’s life over and over again, yet no one thinks to stab Steven in the face.

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Sweet Valley Twins 67: Jessica the Thief by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief, and it’s fun enough for an overdone plot and subplot. Also: Jessica is a damn thief all the damn time. Except this time.

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it’s actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book’s about.

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