Character: Ned Wakefield

Law-practicing father of the twins. Not sure what kind of law, he seems to know about adoption, land, wills and corporate. Clearly must be a nightmare to work with. Or he’s still a trainee and is doing a three month seat in each area?

Legal Practice areas: Family (#7 Three’s a Crowd); Corpoate/Copyright/IP (#18 Centre of Attention); and more to come as we cover those books.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Continue reading

Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love, the first book in the new series… and we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Continue reading

The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.

Continue reading
Cover of The Unicorn Club #11 Angels Keep Out

The Unicorn Club #11: Angels Keep Out

Title: Angels Keep Out Tagline: Playing dirty… [Wing: Where’s Nydick? He’d be thrilled with this.] Summary: Guess what the Angels

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins #112: If Looks Could Kill

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 112 If Looks Could Kill and a boring set of love triangles becomes an entertaining KILL THEM ALL game. Metaphorically, alas.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins #111: Sisters at War

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #111: Sisters at War, and wishes that time travel was a thing, so he could rewind to the day before he read it.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth where Elizabeth is evil, Steven is useful, Jessica is awesome and Ellen is in character #WINNING

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster, in which Jessica could have poisoned an entire Home Ec class with a little more dedication.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader, and Raven is right: Sweet Valley Middle School has the worst teachers in the world. BURN. IT. DOWN.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets and it is filled with delightful Twin … what’s the opposite of Magic? That.

Continue reading

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.

Continue reading
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller: The Curse of the Golden Heart. There are far too many dreams and far too little cursing.

Continue reading