Character: Ellen Riteman

Member of the Unicorn Club. Thick as two short planks. On the covers, she always looks like she’s been transplanted from the 1950s.

Cover of The Unicorn Club #11 Angels Keep Out

The Unicorn Club #11: Angels Keep Out

Title: Angels Keep Out Tagline: Playing dirty… [Wing: Where’s Nydick? He’d be thrilled with this.] Summary: Guess what the Angels

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The Unicorn Club 9: Ellen's Family Secret

The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret, wherein Ellen tries to Parent Trap her feuding parents without anyone finding out and asks probing questions such as: What Would Jessica Do? and Do the Fowlers’ servants ever get a day off?

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The Unicorn Club 6: The Unicorns at War

The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition)

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition) which is a rehash of Tug of War if blank-page Bella from Twilight was a main character #NotMyMandy

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The Unicorn Club 5: Unicorns in Love

The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love

Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we

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The Unicorn Club 4: Lila's Little Sister

The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister, in which Lila Fowler’s life is upended by a four-year-old spawn of pure evil.

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The Unicorn Club 2: Maria's Movie Comeback

The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Movie Comeback

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Move Comeback and actually there’s some amazing character work and friendships while Maria stresses the hell out in a super sympathetic way.

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The Unicorn Club 1: Save the Unicorns

The Unicorn Club #1: Save the Unicorns!

Dove recaps Save the Unicorns! and cannot stop gushing about how bloody fantastic it is, we have daring flood rescues, fabulous parties and righteous demonstrations, not to mention great girl friendships!

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Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra

Dove recaps Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra and loathes every second of it, with special shout-out to Elizabeth-behaving-as-Jessica and Supah Speshul Sandra, not to mention the incomprehensible layout of where these games take place.

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Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game, which pays homage to a legendary Eighties television gameshow, in a frankly incomprehensible way.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

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Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies, in which the sass is electric, the cereal is inedible, and Jessica needs to have a word with herself.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #8: Jessica’s First Kiss

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #8: Jessica’s First Kiss, which is pointless because Jessica was kissed in book 15, which was 110 books ago. But this book contains camping! Bears! Vomit! EXCITING, YES?

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Special #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts and oh my god, the highs and lows. THE HIGHS AND LOWS. And adorable bear cub.

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Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

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Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica wherein Jessica AGAIN thinks she’s psychic, and this book just retreads the last psychic book. The Jamies are running on empty now, aren’t they?

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