Tag: Wing goes BOOM

Either the book, or Raven and Dove, provoke Wing to the point where she explodes like an explodey fiery thing, raining down death and destruction on everything surrounding us.

Sweet Valley High #25: Nowhere to Run

Posted on 1 May 20231 May 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #25: Nowhere to Run and what looks like a simple evil stepmother story ends with Wing BURNING EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND.

Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels

Posted on 6 February 20236 February 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Posted on 16 January 202316 January 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Posted on 21 November 202221 November 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Sweet Valley High #6: Dangerous Love

Posted on 24 October 202224 October 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #6: Dangerous Love

Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Posted on 26 September 20223 February 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire

Posted on 19 September 20224 December 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire and three books in, she’s burning Sweet Valley to the ground.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #14: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High

Posted on 19 July 202218 July 2022 by Wing

Title: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High Summary: Sunscreen alert! Jessica and the Unicorns are headed for the balmy, boy-filled beaches

The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall

Posted on 23 June 202223 June 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.

The Unicorn Club #17: Boyfriends for Everyone

Posted on 19 April 202221 May 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Boyfriends for Everyone, AND THE STRENGTH OF HER RAGE COULD DESTROY THE WORLD. FUCK UNICORN “FRIENDSHIP.” FUCK EVERYTHING.

The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love

Posted on 19 October 202125 November 2021 by Wing

Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we

Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra

Posted on 12 July 202112 July 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra and loathes every second of it, with special shout-out to Elizabeth-behaving-as-Jessica and Supah Speshul Sandra, not to mention the incomprehensible layout of where these games take place.

Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for Gold

Posted on 5 July 20215 July 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for the Gold and it fails completely at being a sports book BUT ROCKS AT BEING AN ENEMIES TO FRIENDS (TO LOVERS) BOOK.

Sweet Valley Twins #99: The Beast Must Die

Posted on 21 September 202030 October 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 99: The Beast Must Die and hates everything. Mostly because of what’s going on in the world, but also the book sucks.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts

Posted on 24 August 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Special #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts and oh my god, the highs and lows. THE HIGHS AND LOWS. And adorable bear cub.

Sweet Valley Twins #94: Don’t Talk to Brian

Posted on 27 July 202023 April 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #8: The Secret of the Magic Pen

Posted on 6 April 20206 April 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #8: The Secret of the Magic Pen, wherein the twins go to summer camp (again) and Elizabeth finds a pen in a cave.

Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader

Posted on 9 March 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader, and Raven is right: Sweet Valley Middle School has the worst teachers in the world. BURN. IT. DOWN.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground

Posted on 20 January 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground AND DEAR GOD THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION BULLSHIT.

Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie

Posted on 1 April 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie, which is offensive to voodoo practitioners, the disabled, Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth specifically, and is literally the worst Sweet Valley book Dove has ever read. That includes ithig.