Character: Steven Wakefield

Irritating older brother of the twins. His personality bounces wildly between wise protective big brother and colossal asshat.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Posted on 16 January 202316 January 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies

Posted on 12 December 202212 December 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.

Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Posted on 26 September 20223 February 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love

Posted on 5 September 20224 December 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love, the first book in the new series… and we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Sweet Valley Twins #112: If Looks Could Kill

Posted on 12 April 202112 April 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 112 If Looks Could Kill and a boring set of love triangles becomes an entertaining KILL THEM ALL game. Metaphorically, alas.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

Posted on 5 April 20215 April 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

Sweet Valley Twins #111: Sisters at War

Posted on 22 March 202122 March 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #111: Sisters at War, and wishes that time travel was a thing, so he could rewind to the day before he read it.

Sweet Valley Twins #107: The Twins Hit Hollywood

Posted on 8 February 202110 April 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 107 The Twins Hit Hollywood and there’s a whole lot of shaking going on. And by shaking, she means pranking and boredom.

Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies

Posted on 25 January 202110 April 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies, in which the sass is electric, the cereal is inedible, and Jessica needs to have a word with herself.

Sweet Valley Twins #105 Jessica’s Lucky Millions

Posted on 18 January 202125 February 2021 by Wing

Wing (@devilselbowpod) recaps Sweet Valley Twins #105 Jessica’s Lucky Millions and is fairly eh over it all. More on her than the treasure hunt or the sibling prank war. Again.

Sweet Valley Twins #103: Big Brother’s In Love Again

Posted on 23 November 20204 September 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #103: Big Brother’s In Love Again, in which Steven Wakefield is a Class A copper-plated bobby-dazzling bellend.

Sweet Valley Twins #101: Twins In Love

Posted on 5 October 202010 April 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #101: Twins In Love, in which Elizabeth pretends to be Jessica, Jessica pretends to be Elizabeth, Steven pretends to be a cowboy, and Raven can’t pretend to care.

Sweet Valley Twins #100: If I Die Before I Wake

Posted on 28 September 202030 October 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #100: If I Die Before I Wake. What happens? To quote Alice Wakefield, “I don’t think we’ll ever know the answers…” SERIOUSLY? FUCK YOU!

Sweet Valley Twins #99: The Beast Must Die

Posted on 21 September 202030 October 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 99: The Beast Must Die and hates everything. Mostly because of what’s going on in the world, but also the book sucks.

Sweet Valley Twins #98 – The Beast Is Watching You

Posted on 7 September 202030 October 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #98 – The Beast Is Watching You, in which the noble art of babysitting is examined ad infinitum.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts

Posted on 24 August 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Special #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts and oh my god, the highs and lows. THE HIGHS AND LOWS. And adorable bear cub.

Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy

Posted on 10 August 20201 July 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Elizabeth the Spy, in which Elizabeth commits perjury in order to secure her supply of thick strawberry milkshakes.

Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Posted on 3 August 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian

Posted on 27 July 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris

Posted on 13 July 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris, in which the twins run away, then run away again. Then run away again. And again.