Author: Dove

I am Dove (she/her). I am: Team Jessica (Sweet Valley); Team Bad Guy (Point Horror); Team Geiger (Making Out); Team Nina/Lucas (Making Out); and I am the voice of a claymation cow named Daisy, and I was in an advert for Fairy Liquid in the 80s.

Sweet Valley High #28: Alone in the Crowd

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #28: Alone in the Crowd, wherein Lynne Henry wallows in self-loathing, writes a song, and falls in love. Also, there’s rocking chairs. [Note: Also, some of Dove’s ebook is missing, apparently.]

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Sweet Valley High Super Edition #2: Special Christmas

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Editions #2: Special Christmas wherein the specialness is ranked by how many whispered conversations the Wakefields can have about Suzanne Devlin.

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Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1: Perfect Summer, where most of the action is off screen but it makes up for it with 240 pages of dish washing.

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Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown the age-old story of two girls fighting over a boy. Who tries to kill one of them.

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Sweet Valley High #16: Rags to Riches

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #16: Rags to Riches, wherein a cute boy becomes rich, and Jessica suddenly wants to date him. And it’s actually better than it sounds.

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Sweet Valley High #13: Kidnapped!

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #13: Kidnapped!, a misleading book because 71% of the book is not about a kidnapping. It’s about the value of homework. FFS.

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Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl, where Jessica AGAIN bullies a perfectly nice girl. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide

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Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.

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Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play and goes BOOM every few paragraphs. Also Liz doesn’t understand sarcasm or metaphors. Seriously.

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Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

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Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real

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Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets

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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets in which Enid Rollins is the only decent human being

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School

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Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.

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