Tag: Don’t be a bully be a star

Look, if Saint Elizabeth doesn’t think it’s a big deal, all this bullying probably won’t have any negative effects on anyone.

Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet!

Posted on 14 June 202127 June 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet, in which Janet Howell does a very passible impersonation of Kyle’s Mom.

Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian

Posted on 27 July 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Posted on 16 March 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War

Posted on 1 July 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War, wherein middle school is exactly like the Cold War, Ellen’s dad wears a funny hat, and Johnny Buck again fails to move to Sweet Valley

Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret

Posted on 5 March 201821 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret, wherein we find people both stupider and bitchier than the Unicorns, and Elizabeth wants to know: HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD?

Sweet Valley Twins #38: Lois Strikes Back

Posted on 15 January 201828 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #38: Lois Strikes Back, in which Sweet Valley’s resident fatso climbs on a bike in the name of charity…

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost

Posted on 18 December 201710 December 2020 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost, which is a Sweet Valley retelling of A Christmas Carol, with pop stars and talking unicorns (not the girl gang), and loads of versions of Jessica… all of which she takes a few minutes to identify as being herself (or Liz).

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #3: The Big Camp Secret

Posted on 23 October 201728 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #3: The Big Camp Secret, in which the Wakefield Twins attend a Sleepaway Camp, and ACTUALLY ENTER A CONTEST THEY DON’T WIN.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief

Posted on 21 August 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief, in which there are spies, disappearing ink, and the most inept choral leaders on the planet.

Sweet Valley Twins #22: Out of Place

Posted on 24 July 201728 June 2018 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 22: Out of Place. Once again the harpies of Sweet Valley decide to bully a new student to the point of suicide, and somehow that’s ok.

Sweet Valley Twins #21: Left Behind

Posted on 18 July 201728 June 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 21: Left Behind, where Saint Elizabeth solves everything. Again.

Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully

Posted on 26 June 201720 August 2017 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #19: The Bully, a book which begs the question, “What are the cave’s dimensions?”

Sweet Valley Twins #16: Second Best

Posted on 22 May 201728 June 2018 by Wing

Wing Recaps Sweet Valley Twins 16: Second Best. Where brothers dislike each other, and it’s up to busybody Elizabeth to turn them into BFFs.

Sweet Valley Twins #12: Keeping Secrets

Posted on 10 April 201718 March 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: Keeping Secrets, wherein Ned teaches the girls a secret (and tedious) language and IT TEARS THE SCHOOL APART!

Sweet Valley Twins #11: Buried Treasure

Posted on 3 April 201718 March 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #11: Buried Treasure wherein Ellen and Jessica find buried treasure at the exact moment the class money goes missing and conclusions are drawn.

Sweet Valley Twins #9: Against the Rules

Posted on 13 March 201713 December 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #9: Against the Rules, wherein Elizabeth befriends a poor person. And her parents don’t like it. Can you blame them? You don’t live in Sweet Valley to bump into poor people.

Sweet Valley Twins #6: The New Girl

Posted on 13 February 201728 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #6: The New Girl, wherein the twins meet a girl so obnoxious that it creates a triplet named Jennifer. Bullying is fun!

Sweet Valley Twins #4: Choosing Sides

Posted on 30 January 201718 March 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #4: Choosing Sides, wherein Amy wants to twirl a baton, Jessica doesn’t want her to, and Elizabeth feebly stands in the middle, wondering whose side to take.

Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House

Posted on 16 January 201719 January 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House, where the entire school mistakes an orphan for a witch, and bullies her accordingly.

Sweet Valley Twins #1: Best Friends

Posted on 2 January 201718 March 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #1: Best Friends, wherein we meet the perfect twins… and Wing is displeased