Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna?
Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #69: Won’t Someone Help Anna? There’s a new girl in town, and she’s deaf. BURN HER! BURN THE WITCH!
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Book-long BFF: Cammi Adams
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About
Evil twins, Wing (she/her) and Dove (she/her), trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven (he/him), joining them for a dude’s point of view.
We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.
We will upload a recap every Monday for three weeks, and a podcast on the fourth.
Our next recap will be The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies recapped by Dove on 23 May 2022.
Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.
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Raven’s Twinparisons
This is the story of the two perfect twins
One is a monster, one died for your sins
One is warm hearted, while the other’s much colder
Both have a dimple, one’s four minutes older.
The first twin’s Elizabeth, she longs to be a writer
Unlike her other half, she’s a lover, not a fighter.
She fixes problems plaguing each and every waif and stray
If you’re new, you’re sure to be her Best Friend For A Day.
The second twin is Jessica. She likes boys and dancing,
The Unicorns and purple, parties and romancing.
She loves the thought of Hollywood, awash with glitz and glamour,
And caving in the skulls of fucking bitches with her hammer.
Together they are bulletproof, a family like no other,
With idiotic parents and dim incesty brother.
Blonde, blue eyed and Aryan, straight from a Nazi rally,
Sieg Heil to the Wakefields. Welcome to Sweet Valley.
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard
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Tags
#BestJamieSuzanne
#TeamGrapplegate
A+ parenting
Always With the Incest
Bleak Valley aka Sweet Valley Low
Book-long soulmates
comments by Dove
comments by Raven
comments by Wing
Dance Baby Dance
Don't be a bully be a star
Double Dipping Plot
Dove goes BOOM!
Elizabeth Has A Spine!
Ewww poor people!
For the hundred and thirty-seventh time...
FUCK YOU TAMARA CHASE
Great Ghosties
I'm running away!
I'm scared of Jessica
I HATE STEVEN
Jessica's New Fave Hobby
lo! a haunted house
Needs More Werewolves
No means no - unless you're Jessica
Plucky girl detectives
Poor little Jessica
Raven disapproves of the faculty
Raven goes BOOM
Shame you're not a perfect size 6
sketchy student-teacher relationships
Something Must Be Done
SUPERNATURAL OOOOH
Sweet Valley Time
THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH
That brand new tradition we've always had
The new girl/boy
The tears of a saint
The twins CANNOT sing
The twins CAN sing
too many Peters
TWIN MAGIC
Wakefields Must Win
Wing's heart grew 10 sizes
Wing goes BOOM
Characters
Aaron Dallas
Alice Wakefield
Amy Sutton
Belinda "Billie" Layton
Betsy Gordon
Brooke Dennis
Bruce Patman
Caroline Pearce
Cathy Connors
Charlie Cashman
Denny Jacobson
Elizabeth Wakefield
Ellen Riteman
Evie Kim
George Fowler
Grace Oliver
Janet Howell
Jerry McAllister
Jessica Wakefield
Joe (aka "Sam") Howell
Julie Porter
Ken Matthews
Kimberly Haver
Lila Fowler
Lois Waller
Mandy Miller
Maria Slater
Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace
Melissa McCormick
Mr Bowman
Mr Clark
Mr Nydick
Mrs Arnette
Ms Wyler
Ned Wakefield
Nora Mercandy
Olivia Davidson
Patrick Morris
Rick Hunter
Sarah Thomas
Sophia Rizzo
Steven Wakefield
Tamara Chase
Todd Wilkins
Winston Egbert
Elizabeth’s BFF
Amy Sutton (5)
Anna Barrett (1)
Arthur Castle aka Castillo (1)
Belinda "Billie" Layton (1)
Betsy Martin (1)
Brian Boyd (1)
Brooke Dennis (3)
Cammi Adams (1)
Chrissy Steele (1)
Christoph Bachmann (1)
Danny Jackson (1)
Denny Jacobson (but not through choice) (1)
Dylan McKay (1)
George Henkel (1)
Ginny Lu Culpepper (1)
Grace Oliver (1)
Joe Carrey (1)
Kala (1)
Ken Matthews (2)
Leslie Forsythe (1)
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Lucy Benson (1)
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Maria Slater (3)
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Melissa McCormick (1)
Miranda Page (1)
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Pamela Jacobson (1)
Pamela McDonald (1)
Patrick Morris (1)
Poor disabled and homeless Benjamin (1)
Robin (Wakefield?) (3)
Samantha Williams (1)
Sam Sloane (1)
Sandra Ferris (1)
Sarah Thomas (1)
Sophia Rizzo (1)
Starr Johnson (1)
The (homeless) Glass family (1)
Winston Egbert (1)
Jessica’s Hobby
Acting (10)
Animals (1)
Baby-Sitting (5)
Ballet (1)
Basketball (2)
Being a Big Sister (1)
Being Charming (1)
Being Jailbait (2)
Being psychic (4)
Being treated like a grownup (3)
Caring about the disabled (2)
Catching Criminals (2)
Ceramics (1)
Cheerleading (2)
Comedy (1)
Cookery (1)
Dogs (yes really) (1)
Fashion Designer (1)
France (1)
Gymnastics (1)
Having her picture taken (1)
Horse Riding (1)
House-Sitting (1)
Hypnosis (1)
Intellectual Property Theft (1)
Ithig (1)
Lying (1)
Modelling (1)
Pranks (1)
Predicting Earthquakes (1)
Re-living Days (1)
Rollerblading (1)
Running a Student Paper (1)
Saving the Environment (2)
Scuba Diving (1)
Seals (1)
Singing (6)
Softball (1)
Solving Mysteries (1)
Student Council (1)
Treasure Hunting (1)
Unabashed EEEVIL (1)
Using her evil powers of scheming for good (3)
Voodoo (1)
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