Character: Jessica Wakefield

Aspiring serial killer. Utterly selfish and ruthless, snobby and vapid.

The Unicorn Club #20: In Love with Mandy

Posted on 18 May 202218 May 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club 20: In Love with Mandy and it is horrible, boring, repetitive, obnoxious, and she is just done.

The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

Posted on 9 May 20229 May 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, in which the Unicorns discover you can be TOO thin, while simultaneously reminding us you can be too fat.

The Unicorn Club #18: Rachel’s In, Lila’s Out

Posted on 2 May 20228 May 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Rachel’s In, Lila’s Out and fixates on the one throwaway line that there are 75 rooms in Fowler Crest. That’s tells you all you need to know about how good the plot is.

The Unicorn Club #17: Boyfriends for Everyone

Posted on 19 April 202221 May 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Boyfriends for Everyone, AND THE STRENGTH OF HER RAGE COULD DESTROY THE WORLD. FUCK UNICORN “FRIENDSHIP.” FUCK EVERYTHING.

The Unicorn Club #16: Bon Voyage, Unicorns

Posted on 12 April 202221 May 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #16: Bon Voyage, Unicorns, in which Ellen splits herself into four Horcruxes in an attempt to become immortal.

The Unicorn Club #14: Lila on the Loose

Posted on 14 March 202214 March 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #14: Lila on the Loose where Lila finally has had enough of her father’s lack of parenting and snaps. And it’s kind of glorious.

The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn?

Posted on 7 March 20227 March 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn, in which Mandy Miller is both the ugliest thing in the world and the most beautiful girl on the planet.

The Unicorn Club #12: Five Girls and a Baby

Posted on 20 December 202120 December 2021 by Dove

Title: Five Girls and a Baby Tagline: The baby-sitting job that won’t end Summary: When my friends in the Unicorn

The Unicorn Club #11: Angels Keep Out

Posted on 13 December 202113 December 2021 by Wing

Title: Angels Keep Out Tagline: Playing dirty… [Wing: Where’s Nydick? He’d be thrilled with this.] Summary: Guess what the Angels

The Unicorn Club #10: Mandy In The Middle

Posted on 6 December 20218 May 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #10: Mandy In The Middle, in which Mandy is obsessed with Randall, Lila is obsessed with Mandy, and Raven is obsessed with the word count.

The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret

Posted on 22 November 202125 November 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret, wherein Ellen tries to Parent Trap her feuding parents without anyone finding out and asks probing questions such as: What Would Jessica Do? and Do the Fowlers’ servants ever get a day off?

The Unicorn Club #8: Kimberly Rides Again

Posted on 16 November 202116 November 2021 by Wing

Title: Kimberly Rides Again Tagline: The Unicorns hit the trail! Summary: Guess what? Just when the Unicorns were finally back

The Unicorn Club #7: Too Close for Comfort

Posted on 8 November 202125 November 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #7: Too Close for Comfort, and wishes he’d spent his time doing LITERALLY anything else.

The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition)

Posted on 25 October 202125 November 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition) which is a rehash of Tug of War if blank-page Bella from Twilight was a main character #NotMyMandy

The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love

Posted on 19 October 202125 November 2021 by Wing

Title: Unicorns In Love Tagline: Blinded by love… Summary: The Unicorns are over… finished for good. But this time we

The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister

Posted on 12 October 202125 November 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #4: Lila’s Little Sister, in which Lila Fowler’s life is upended by a four-year-old spawn of pure evil.

The Unicorn Club #3: The Best Friend Game

Posted on 27 September 202125 November 2021 by Raven

Title: The Best Friend Game Tagline: Winner take all… Summary: Can you believe there’s a new club at Sweet Valley

The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Movie Comeback

Posted on 21 September 202125 November 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Move Comeback and actually there’s some amazing character work and friendships while Maria stresses the hell out in a super sympathetic way.

The Unicorn Club #1: Save the Unicorns!

Posted on 6 September 202125 November 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Save the Unicorns! and cannot stop gushing about how bloody fantastic it is, we have daring flood rescues, fabulous parties and righteous demonstrations, not to mention great girl friendships!

Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for Gold

Posted on 5 July 20215 July 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for the Gold and it fails completely at being a sports book BUT ROCKS AT BEING AN ENEMIES TO FRIENDS (TO LOVERS) BOOK.