Tag: Wakefields Must Win

The universe will literally crumble to dust if one of those spoilt blonde twigs doesn’t win. No matter what they do, no matter what Jessica lies about, the universe will rearrange itself to prove that the twins are right and they always win.

Sorry, maybe I should flag this as “spoilers”.

Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra

Dove recaps Team Sweet Valley #2: Win One For Sandra and loathes every second of it, with special shout-out to Elizabeth-behaving-as-Jessica and Supah Speshul Sandra, not to mention the incomprehensible layout of where these games take place.

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Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game, which pays homage to a legendary Eighties television gameshow, in a frankly incomprehensible way.

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Sweet Valley Twins #110: Pumpkin Fever

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 110: Pumpkin Fever in which Jessica wants to be crowned Halloween Queen, and will stop at nothing to achieve it, including murdering a fictional squirrel!

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Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

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Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.

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Sweet Valley Twins #65: Patty's Last Dance by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #65: Patty’s Last Dance

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #65: Patty’s Last Dance and the book dances its way into her heart.

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it’s actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4 The Unicorns Go Hawaiian by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian, and she braces herself for some horrible stereotypes and cultural appropriation. Did she go boom? Read to find out.

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Sweet Valley Twins 52: Booster Boycott by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

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Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book’s about.

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Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica, wherein Brooke becomes Brookette (trés French) and Jessica’s family use humiliation to teach her a lesson.

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Sweet Valley Twins 37: The War Between the Twins by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins, in which Jessica launches a rival newspaper, many lies are told and Amy Sutton can just get in the f***ing sea.

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