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Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

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Sweet Valley Online

Relationship: Enid Rollins/George Warren

Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets

Posted on 12 September 202225 September 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets in which Enid Rollins is the only decent human being

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Sweet Valley High
23 comments
  Dance: The Fall Dance
  Alice Wakefield, Bruce Patman, Cara Walker, Elizabeth Wakefield, Enid Rollins, George Warren, Jessica Wakefield, Ken Matthews, Lila Fowler, Ronnie Edwards, Winston Egbert
  Elizabeth Wakefield/Todd Wilkins, Enid Rollins/George Warren, Enid Rollins/Ronnie Edwards, Jessica Wakefield/Bruce Patman
  meh       meh       Bad 

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About

Evil twins, Wing (she/her) and Dove (she/her), trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven (he/him), joining them for a dude’s point of view.

We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.

We upload every week for three weeks, and take a week off. We upload the recap on Monday, and the podcast the following weekend.

Our next recap will be Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels (Wing on 6 Feb 2023) .

Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.

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Raven’s Twinparisons

This is the story of the two perfect twins
One is a monster, one died for your sins
One is warm hearted, while the other’s much colder
Both have a dimple, one’s four minutes older.

The first twin’s Elizabeth, she longs to be a writer
Unlike her other half, she’s a lover, not a fighter.
She fixes problems plaguing each and every waif and stray
If you’re new, you’re sure to be her Best Friend For A Day.

The second twin is Jessica. She likes boys and dancing,
The Unicorns and purple, parties and romancing.
She loves the thought of Hollywood, awash with glitz and glamour,
And caving in the skulls of fucking bitches with her hammer.

Together they are bulletproof, a family like no other,
With idiotic parents and dim incesty brother.
Blonde, blue eyed and Aryan, straight from a Nazi rally,
Sieg Heil to the Wakefields. Welcome to Sweet Valley.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard

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Tags

#BestJamieSuzanne #TeamGrapplegate A+ parenting Always With the Incest Bleak Valley aka Sweet Valley Low Book-long soulmates comments by Dove comments by Raven comments by Wing Dance Baby Dance Don't be a bully be a star Double Dipping Plot Dove goes BOOM! Elizabeth Has A Spine! Ewww poor people! For the hundred and thirty-seventh time... FUCK YOU TAMARA CHASE Great Ghosties I'm running away! I'm scared of Jessica I HATE STEVEN Jessica's New Fave Hobby lo! a haunted house Needs More Werewolves No means no - unless you're Jessica Plucky girl detectives Poor little Jessica Raven disapproves of the faculty Raven goes BOOM Shame you're not a perfect size 6 sketchy student-teacher relationships Something Must Be Done SUPERNATURAL OOOOH Sweet Valley Time THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH That brand new tradition we've always had The new girl/boy The tears of a saint The twins CANNOT sing The twins CAN sing too many Peters TWIN MAGIC Wakefields Must Win Wing's heart grew 10 sizes Wing goes BOOM

Characters

Aaron Dallas (21) Alice Wakefield (78) Amy Sutton (88) Belinda "Billie" Layton (17) Betsy Gordon (6) Brooke Dennis (10) Bruce Patman (49) Caroline Pearce (23) Cathy Connors (7) Charlie Cashman (9) Denny Jacobson (7) Elizabeth Wakefield (193) Ellen Riteman (86) Evie Kim (7) George Fowler (8) Grace Oliver (10) Janet Howell (71) Jerry McAllister (12) Jessica Wakefield (201) Joe (aka "Sam") Howell (13) Johnny Buck (7) Julie Porter (16) Ken Matthews (22) Kimberly Haver (30) Lila Fowler (140) Lois Waller (24) Mandy Miller (58) Maria Slater (32) Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace (33) Melissa McCormick (9) Mr Bowman (14) Mr Clark (7) Mr Nydick (8) Mrs Arnette (8) Ms Wyler (8) Ned Wakefield (55) Nora Mercandy (8) Olivia Davidson (8) Rick Hunter (14) Sarah Thomas (6) Sophia Rizzo (13) Steven Wakefield (92) Tamara Chase (14) Todd Wilkins (39) Winston Egbert (33)

Elizabeth’s BFF

Amy Sutton (5) Anna Barrett (1) Arthur Castle aka Castillo (1) Belinda "Billie" Layton (1) Betsy Martin (2) Brian Boyd (1) Brooke Dennis (3) Cammi Adams (1) Chrissy Steele (1) Christoph Bachmann (1) Danny Jackson (1) Denny Jacobson (but not through choice) (1) Dylan McKay (1) George Henkel (1) Ginny Lu Culpepper (1) Grace Oliver (1) Joe Carrey (1) Kala (1) Ken Matthews (2) Leslie Forsythe (1) Lila Fowler (2) Lois Waller (2) Lucy Benson (1) Mandy Miller (1) Maria Slater (3) Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace (3) Melissa McCormick (1) Miranda Page (1) Nora Mercandy (1) Pamela Jacobson (1) Pamela McDonald (1) Patrick Morris (1) Poor disabled and homeless Benjamin (1) Robin (Wakefield?) (3) Robin Wilson (1) Samantha Williams (1) Sam Sloane (1) Sandra Ferris (1) Sarah Thomas (1) Sophia Rizzo (1) Starr Johnson (1) The (homeless) Glass family (1) Winston Egbert (1)

Jessica’s Hobby

Acting (10) Baby-Sitting (5) Ballet (1) Basketball (2) Becoming a lawyer (1) Being a Bag of Dicks (1) Being a Big Sister (1) Being Famous (1) Being Jailbait (2) Being psychic (4) Being the good twin (1) Being treated like a grownup (3) Candy Striping (1) Caring about the disabled (2) Catching Criminals (2) Ceramics (1) Changing Herself for a Boy (1) Cheerleading (5) Comedy (1) Dogs (yes really) (1) Fashion Designer (1) France (1) Gymnastics (1) Having her picture taken (1) Horse Riding (1) House-Sitting (1) Hypnosis (1) Intellectual Property Theft (1) Ithig (1) Lying (1) Modelling (1) Murder (1) Re-living Days (1) Running a Student Paper (1) Saving the Environment (2) Seals (1) Singing (6) Skiing (1) Softball (1) Solving Mysteries (1) Student Council (1) Surfing (1) Treasure Hunting (1) Unabashed EEEVIL (2) Using her evil powers of scheming for good (3)
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