Sweet Valley High #20: Crash Landing!
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #20: Crash Landing! In which not even a titular exclamation point can muster up a flicker of interest.
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Dove's Rating: Bad
Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #18: Head Over Heels and would have found it charming and silly had the romantic hero not been BRUCE FUCKING PATMAN, abusive rapist.
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Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long, in which Jessica is “romanced” by a man with a mustache, and Elizabeth… fails… a… TEST!
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The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall
Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.
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The Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date
Raven recaps the Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date, in which I’d happily take a cricket bat and bludgeon Johnny Buck into a marmalade pulp.
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The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies
Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies, a book so infuriating that even a mountain loses patience it.
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The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World
Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, in which the Unicorns discover you can be TOO thin, while simultaneously reminding us you can be too fat.
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The Unicorn Club #18: Rachel’s In, Lila’s Out
Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Rachel’s In, Lila’s Out and fixates on the one throwaway line that there are 75 rooms in Fowler Crest. That’s tells you all you need to know about how good the plot is.
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The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn?
Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn, in which Mandy Miller is both the ugliest thing in the world and the most beautiful girl on the planet.
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The Unicorn Club #12: Five Girls and a Baby
Title: Five Girls and a Baby Tagline: The baby-sitting job that won’t end Summary: When my friends in the Unicorn
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The Unicorn Club #11: Angels Keep Out
Title: Angels Keep Out Tagline: Playing dirty… [Wing: Where’s Nydick? He’d be thrilled with this.] Summary: Guess what the Angels
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The Unicorn Club #8: Kimberly Rides Again
Title: Kimberly Rides Again Tagline: The Unicorns hit the trail! Summary: Guess what? Just when the Unicorns were finally back
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