Raven's Rating: Good

Sweet Valley High #29: Bitter Rivals

Posted on 27 June 202327 June 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #29: Bitter Rivals, in which Elizabeth is trapped in a face-off with her friendship as the prize! And a rosette too, probably.

Sweet Valley High #28: Alone in the Crowd

Posted on 19 June 202319 June 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #28: Alone in the Crowd, wherein Lynne Henry wallows in self-loathing, writes a song, and falls in love. Also, there’s rocking chairs. [Note: Also, some of Dove’s ebook is missing, apparently.]

Sweet Valley High #26: Hostage!

Posted on 15 May 202321 May 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #26: Hostage!, which features hostages, daring rescues, useless police, and… random shit about Ken Matthews failing English.

Sweet Valley High #22: Too Much In Love

Posted on 27 March 202327 March 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #22: Too Much In Love, in which he feels empathy for DeeDee and Bill while dicking about with a friendly AI robot.

Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway

Posted on 6 March 20236 March 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway, and it was going so well! Jessica’s depression worked! And then that rushed, Thank God For Liz ending ruined it.

Sweet Valley High #17: Love Letters

Posted on 30 January 202330 January 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #17: Love Letters, in which Caroline Pearce invents a boyfriend, who is more well rounded than most of her classmates.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Posted on 16 January 202316 January 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many

Posted on 13 November 20223 February 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many and is so. fucking. charmed. Friendships! Sisterhood! Emotional character growth! How is this series so damn cute?!

Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister

Posted on 31 October 20224 December 2022 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.

Sweet Valley High #6: Dangerous Love

Posted on 24 October 202224 October 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #6: Dangerous Love

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #14: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High

Posted on 19 July 202218 July 2022 by Wing

Title: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High Summary: Sunscreen alert! Jessica and the Unicorns are headed for the balmy, boy-filled beaches

The Unicorn Club #10: Mandy In The Middle

Posted on 6 December 20218 May 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #10: Mandy In The Middle, in which Mandy is obsessed with Randall, Lila is obsessed with Mandy, and Raven is obsessed with the word count.

The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret

Posted on 22 November 202125 November 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #9: Ellen’s Family Secret, wherein Ellen tries to Parent Trap her feuding parents without anyone finding out and asks probing questions such as: What Would Jessica Do? and Do the Fowlers’ servants ever get a day off?

The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition)

Posted on 25 October 202125 November 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #6: Unicorns at War (Super Edition) which is a rehash of Tug of War if blank-page Bella from Twilight was a main character #NotMyMandy

The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Movie Comeback

Posted on 21 September 202125 November 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #2: Maria’s Move Comeback and actually there’s some amazing character work and friendships while Maria stresses the hell out in a super sympathetic way.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

Posted on 5 April 20215 April 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Posted on 3 August 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Posted on 25 May 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage, in which there’s genuine, terrifying, nail-biting peril. And the best line EVER from Tamara Chase.

Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister

Posted on 28 January 202028 January 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister, in which Amy v2.0 charms everyone in a thirty mile radius.

Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall

Posted on 6 January 20206 January 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall, in which Elizabeth Wakefield channels John McClane to bring down a crime ring.