Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High Super Edition #3: Spring Break, and the Wakefield twins head off on their very first trip to France, a trip of a lifetime, one that HAS ALREADY HAPPENED IN TWINS. Twin magic, Liz has no spine, mighty storms, and a Steven love triangle. Oh boy.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High Super Editions #2: Special Christmas wherein the specialness is ranked by how many whispered conversations the Wakefields can have about Suzanne Devlin.
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley High 23: Say Goodbye and oh, it would help if she gave one flying fuck about Todd and Liz’s relationship, but since she doesn’t, be prepared for some nitpicking when cars and names change within a few pages.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #19: Showdown the age-old story of two girls fighting over a boy. Who tries to kill one of them.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #13: Kidnapped!, a misleading book because 71% of the book is not about a kidnapping. It’s about the value of homework. FFS.
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Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #11: Too Good To Be True, in which we meet a girl who makes Jessica look like Mother Theresa.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl, where Jessica AGAIN bullies a perfectly nice girl. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide
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Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #13: Elizabeth: Next Stop: Jr High, in which Elizabeth Wakefield spends five weeks in Costa Rica, snogging a boy in a forest.
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Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.
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Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.
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Raven recaps the Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date, in which I’d happily take a cricket bat and bludgeon Johnny Buck into a marmalade pulp.
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #19: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, in which the Unicorns discover you can be TOO thin, while simultaneously reminding us you can be too fat.
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Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #17: Rachel’s In, Lila’s Out and fixates on the one throwaway line that there are 75 rooms in Fowler Crest. That’s tells you all you need to know about how good the plot is.
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Raven recaps The Unicorn Club #13: Who Will Be Miss Unicorn, in which Mandy Miller is both the ugliest thing in the world and the most beautiful girl on the planet.
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Title: Kimberly Rides Again Tagline: The Unicorns hit the trail! Summary: Guess what? Just when the Unicorns were finally back
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Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Elizabeth the Spy, in which Elizabeth commits perjury in order to secure her supply of thick strawberry milkshakes.
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica wherein Jessica AGAIN thinks she’s psychic, and this book just retreads the last psychic book. The Jamies are running on empty now, aren’t they?
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 90: The Cousin War and it is love octagon farce in the most delightful ways.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #88: Steven Gets Even, and between the girl power and a drive-by spagging, the Mercandy backyard theory becomes canon.
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