Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.
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Event: School Family Project
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About
Evil twins, Wing (she/her) and Dove (she/her), trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven (he/him), joining them for a dude’s point of view.
We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.
We will upload a recap every Monday for three weeks, and a podcast on the fourth.
Our next recap will be The Unicorn Club #5: Unicorns in Love recapped by Wing on 18 Oct 2021.
Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.
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Raven’s Twinparisons
This is the story of the two perfect twins
One is a monster, one died for your sins
One is warm hearted, while the other’s much colder
Both have a dimple, one’s four minutes older.
The first twin’s Elizabeth, she longs to be a writer
Unlike her other half, she’s a lover, not a fighter.
She fixes problems plaguing each and every waif and stray
If you’re new, you’re sure to be her Best Friend For A Day.
The second twin is Jessica. She likes boys and dancing,
The Unicorns and purple, parties and romancing.
She loves the thought of Hollywood, awash with glitz and glamour,
And caving in the skulls of fucking bitches with her hammer.
Together they are bulletproof, a family like no other,
With idiotic parents and dim incesty brother.
Blonde, blue eyed and Aryan, straight from a Nazi rally,
Sieg Heil to the Wakefields. Welcome to Sweet Valley.
Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard
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Tags
#BestJamieSuzanne
#TeamGrapplegate
A+ parenting
Always With the Incest
Bleak Valley aka Sweet Valley Low
Book-long soulmates
comments by Dove
comments by Raven
comments by Wing
Dance Baby Dance
Don't be a bully be a star
Double Dipping Plot
Dove goes BOOM!
Elizabeth Has A Spine!
Ewww poor people!
For the hundred and thirty-seventh time...
FUCK YOU TAMARA CHASE
Great Ghosties
I'm running away!
I'm scared of Jessica
I HATE STEVEN
Jessica's New Fave Hobby
lo! a haunted house
MOAR IDENTICAL TWINS
Needs More Werewolves
No means no - unless you're Jessica
Plucky girl detectives
Poor little Jessica
Raven disapproves of the faculty
Raven goes BOOM
Shame you're not a perfect size 6
sketchy student-teacher relationships
Something Must Be Done
SUPERNATURAL OOOOH
Sweet Valley Time
THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH
That brand new tradition we've always had
The new girl/boy
The tears of a saint
The twins CAN sing
too many Peters
TWIN MAGIC
Wakefields Must Win
Wing's heart grew 10 sizes
Wing goes BOOM
Characters
Aaron Dallas
Alice Wakefield
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Belinda "Billie" Layton
Betsy Gordon
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Cathy Connors
Charlie Cashman
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Elizabeth Wakefield
Ellen Riteman
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Jessica Wakefield
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Johnny Buck
Julie Porter
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Kimberly Haver
Lila Fowler
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Mandy Miller
Maria Slater
Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace
Melissa McCormick
Mr Bowman
Mr Clark
Mr Nydick
Mrs Arnette
Ms Wyler
Ned Wakefield
Nora Mercandy
Olivia Davidson
Patrick Morris
Rick Hunter
Sandra Ferris
Sarah Thomas
Sophia Rizzo
Steven Wakefield
Tamara Chase
Todd Wilkins
Winston Egbert
Elizabeth’s BFF
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Jessica’s Hobby
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Student Council (1)
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Using her evil powers of scheming for good (3)
Voodoo (1)
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