Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.
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Character: Jessica Wakefield
Aspiring serial killer. Utterly selfish and ruthless, snobby and vapid.
Sweet Valley High #11: Too Good To Be True
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #11: Too Good To Be True, in which we meet a girl who makes Jessica look like Mother Theresa.
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Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #10: Wrong Kind of Girl, where Jessica AGAIN bullies a perfectly nice girl. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide
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Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Junior High #2: One 2 Many and is so. fucking. charmed. Friendships! Sisterhood! Emotional character growth! How is this series so damn cute?!
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Sweet Valley High #8: Heart Breaker
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #8: Heart Breaker, in which Bill Chase’s depressing backstory gets him an X Factor audition.
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Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #7: Dear Sister, wherein Elizabeth is Jessica, Jessica is Elizabeth and the Wakefield parents are literally the worst parents in the world.
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Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #5: All Night Long, in which Jessica is “romanced” by a man with a mustache, and Elizabeth… fails… a… TEST!
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Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #4: Power Play and goes BOOM every few paragraphs. Also Liz doesn’t understand sarcasm or metaphors. Seriously.
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Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real
Dove recaps the absolute best book in the entire Sweet Valley franchise and is shocked to find out that it’s Sweet Valley Junior High #1: Get Real
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Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire
Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #3: Playing With Fire and three books in, she’s burning Sweet Valley to the ground.
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Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets
Dove recaps Sweet Valley High #2: Secrets in which Enid Rollins is the only decent human being
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Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love
Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love, the first book in the new series… and we’re not in Kansas anymore.
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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #14: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High
Title: Jessica: Next Stop: Jr High Summary: Sunscreen alert! Jessica and the Unicorns are headed for the balmy, boy-filled beaches
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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School
Dove does her last reacap of Sweet Valley Twins, Super Edition #12: Good-Bye Middle School, which has no plot, the characters suck, nothing is resolved and Magical Native Americans die for the Wakefields’ sins. So a fitting cap to the series, all things considered.
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The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall
Wing recaps The Unicorn Club #23: Trapped in the Mall and goes boom. Fuck Sweet Valley parents. Fuck the Unicorn Club. Mostly, fuck Kimberly Haver.
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The Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date
Raven recaps the Unicorn Club #22: Jessica’s Dream Date, in which I’d happily take a cricket bat and bludgeon Johnny Buck into a marmalade pulp.
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The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies
Dove recaps The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies, a book so infuriating that even a mountain loses patience it.
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The Unicorn Club #20: In Love with Mandy
Wing recaps The Unicorn Club 20: In Love with Mandy and it is horrible, boring, repetitive, obnoxious, and she is just done.
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