Sweet Valley Twins #90: The Cousin War
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 90: The Cousin War and it is love octagon farce in the most delightful ways.
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Relationship: Jessica Wakefield/Juan Valencia
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About
Evil twins, Wing (she/her) and Dove (she/her), trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven (he/him), joining them for a dude’s point of view.
We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.
We will upload a recap every Monday for three weeks, and a podcast on the fourth.
Our next recap will be The Unicorn Club #21: Snow Bunnies recapped by Dove on 23 May 2022.
Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.
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Raven’s Twinparisons
Jessica and Elizabeth are identical twins. They look the same. However, they are also not the same. In fact, they are very different!
Jessica wears makeup. Elizabeth has slightly different hair.
Elizabeth thinks, reads and writes. Elizabeth is a genius. Jessica is distracted by colours, shapes and sounds. Jessica is a mollusc.
Jessica likes the mall, boys and giggling. Jessica is twelve. Elizabeth thinks that Jessica’s interests are pointless, and that Jessica’s friends should be loaded into catapults and fired into the sun. Elizabeth is an asshat.
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Tags
#BestJamieSuzanne
#TeamGrapplegate
A+ parenting
Always With the Incest
Bleak Valley aka Sweet Valley Low
Book-long soulmates
comments by Dove
comments by Raven
comments by Wing
Dance Baby Dance
Don't be a bully be a star
Double Dipping Plot
Dove goes BOOM!
Elizabeth Has A Spine!
Ewww poor people!
For the hundred and thirty-seventh time...
FUCK YOU TAMARA CHASE
Great Ghosties
I'm running away!
I'm scared of Jessica
I HATE STEVEN
Jessica's New Fave Hobby
lo! a haunted house
Needs More Werewolves
No means no - unless you're Jessica
Plucky girl detectives
Poor little Jessica
Raven disapproves of the faculty
Raven goes BOOM
Shame you're not a perfect size 6
sketchy student-teacher relationships
Something Must Be Done
SUPERNATURAL OOOOH
Sweet Valley Time
THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH
That brand new tradition we've always had
The new girl/boy
The tears of a saint
The twins CANNOT sing
The twins CAN sing
too many Peters
TWIN MAGIC
Wakefields Must Win
Wing's heart grew 10 sizes
Wing goes BOOM
Characters
Aaron Dallas
Alice Wakefield
Amy Sutton
Belinda "Billie" Layton
Betsy Gordon
Brooke Dennis
Bruce Patman
Caroline Pearce
Cathy Connors
Charlie Cashman
Denny Jacobson
Elizabeth Wakefield
Ellen Riteman
Evie Kim
George Fowler
Grace Oliver
Janet Howell
Jerry McAllister
Jessica Wakefield
Joe (aka "Sam") Howell
Julie Porter
Ken Matthews
Kimberly Haver
Lila Fowler
Lois Waller
Mandy Miller
Maria Slater
Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace
Melissa McCormick
Mr Bowman
Mr Clark
Mr Nydick
Mrs Arnette
Ms Wyler
Ned Wakefield
Nora Mercandy
Olivia Davidson
Patrick Morris
Rick Hunter
Sarah Thomas
Sophia Rizzo
Steven Wakefield
Tamara Chase
Todd Wilkins
Winston Egbert
Elizabeth’s BFF
Amy Sutton (5)
Anna Barrett (1)
Arthur Castle aka Castillo (1)
Belinda "Billie" Layton (1)
Betsy Martin (1)
Brian Boyd (1)
Brooke Dennis (3)
Cammi Adams (1)
Chrissy Steele (1)
Christoph Bachmann (1)
Danny Jackson (1)
Denny Jacobson (but not through choice) (1)
Dylan McKay (1)
George Henkel (1)
Ginny Lu Culpepper (1)
Grace Oliver (1)
Joe Carrey (1)
Kala (1)
Ken Matthews (2)
Leslie Forsythe (1)
Lila Fowler (2)
Lois Waller (2)
Lucy Benson (1)
Mandy Miller (1)
Maria Slater (3)
Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace (3)
Melissa McCormick (1)
Miranda Page (1)
Nora Mercandy (1)
Pamela Jacobson (1)
Pamela McDonald (1)
Patrick Morris (1)
Poor disabled and homeless Benjamin (1)
Robin (Wakefield?) (3)
Samantha Williams (1)
Sam Sloane (1)
Sandra Ferris (1)
Sarah Thomas (1)
Sophia Rizzo (1)
Starr Johnson (1)
The (homeless) Glass family (1)
Winston Egbert (1)
Jessica’s Hobby
Acting (10)
Animals (1)
Baby-Sitting (5)
Ballet (1)
Basketball (2)
Being a Big Sister (1)
Being Charming (1)
Being Jailbait (2)
Being psychic (4)
Being treated like a grownup (3)
Caring about the disabled (2)
Catching Criminals (2)
Ceramics (1)
Cheerleading (2)
Comedy (1)
Cookery (1)
Dogs (yes really) (1)
Fashion Designer (1)
France (1)
Gymnastics (1)
Having her picture taken (1)
Horse Riding (1)
House-Sitting (1)
Hypnosis (1)
Intellectual Property Theft (1)
Ithig (1)
Lying (1)
Modelling (1)
Pranks (1)
Predicting Earthquakes (1)
Re-living Days (1)
Rollerblading (1)
Running a Student Paper (1)
Saving the Environment (2)
Scuba Diving (1)
Seals (1)
Singing (6)
Softball (1)
Solving Mysteries (1)
Student Council (1)
Treasure Hunting (1)
Unabashed EEEVIL (1)
Using her evil powers of scheming for good (3)
Voodoo (1)
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