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Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts

Posted on 24 August 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Special #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts and oh my god, the highs and lows. THE HIGHS AND LOWS. And adorable bear cub.

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Super Editions
5 comments
Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy

Posted on 10 August 202010 August 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Elizabeth the Spy, in which Elizabeth commits perjury in order to secure her supply of thick strawberry milkshakes.

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Sweet Valley Twins
2 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Posted on 3 August 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

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Sweet Valley Twins
9 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian

Posted on 27 July 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

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Sweet Valley Twins
One comment

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris

Posted on 13 July 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris, in which the twins run away, then run away again. Then run away again. And again.

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Super Editions
8 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica

Posted on 6 July 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica wherein Jessica AGAIN thinks she’s psychic, and this book just retreads the last psychic book. The Jamies are running on empty now, aren’t they?

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Sweet Valley Twins
10 comments

Another amend to the posting schedule

Posted on 8 June 20206 June 2020 by Dove

Another amend to the posting schedule: Raven is ill (not COVID). We’ll be back on Monday 6 July 2020. Apologies.

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General
2 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #92: Escape from Terror Island

Posted on 1 June 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #92: Escape from Terror Island, which is a frankly dire follow-up to the fun adventure of the previous book

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Nightmare at Sea
7 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Posted on 25 May 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage, in which there’s genuine, terrifying, nail-biting peril. And the best line EVER from Tamara Chase.

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Nightmare at Sea
7 comments

Minor Amend to Posting Schedule

Posted on 14 May 202018 May 2020 by Dove

Minor Amend to Posting Schedule: originally it was recap on 18 May, then week off. Now it’s week off, recap on 25 May. Simples.

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General
2 comments

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth

Posted on 11 May 202011 May 2020 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth where Elizabeth is evil, Steven is useful, Jessica is awesome and Ellen is in character #WINNING

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Super Chillers
7 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #90: The Cousin War

Posted on 4 May 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 90: The Cousin War and it is love octagon farce in the most delightful ways.

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Sweet Valley Twins
8 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Posted on 20 April 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster, in which Jessica could have poisoned an entire Home Ec class with a little more dedication.

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Sweet Valley Twins
9 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #88: Steven Gets Even

Posted on 13 April 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #88: Steven Gets Even, and between the girl power and a drive-by spagging, the Mercandy backyard theory becomes canon.

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Sweet Valley Twins
8 comments

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #8: The Secret of the Magic Pen

Posted on 6 April 20206 April 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #8: The Secret of the Magic Pen, wherein the twins go to summer camp (again) and Elizabeth finds a pen in a cave.

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Super Chillers
3 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #87: The Mother-Daughter Switch

Posted on 23 March 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #87: The Mother-Daughter Switch, in which the twins play Alice, Elizabeth plays Jessica, and Alice plays a bellend.

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Sweet Valley Twins
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Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Posted on 16 March 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

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Sweet Valley Twins
19 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader

Posted on 9 March 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader, and Raven is right: Sweet Valley Middle School has the worst teachers in the world. BURN. IT. DOWN.

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Sweet Valley Twins
11 comments

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Posted on 24 February 202023 February 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine, in which Lila falls for a bit of rough, and Todd Wilkins is completely insufferable.

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Super Editions
11 comments

Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets

Posted on 17 February 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets and it is filled with delightful Twin … what’s the opposite of Magic? That.

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Sweet Valley Twins
2 comments

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About

Evil twins, Wing and Dove, trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven, joining them for a dude’s point of view.

We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.

We will upload a recap every Monday for three weeks, and a podcast on the fourth.

Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.

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Raven’s Twinparisons

Elizabeth Wakefield is destined to rule America as a just and noble leader. Jessica Wakefield is destined to rule Cell Block J with an iron fist and a sharpened toothbrush handle.

In the West, there shines a star. It is bright and true. It is hope, and it is love. It is called… Elizabeth. In the East, there swirls a vortex. It is black as tar, powerful. It swells, and it devours. It is called… Jessica.

Liz is a whizz! Jess is a mess.

Sweet Valley Twins #23: Claim to Fame

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Recent Comments

  • Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies – Sweet Valley Online on Sweet Valley Twins #15: The Older Boy
  • Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard – Sweet Valley Online on Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House
  • Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard – Sweet Valley Online on Sweet Valley Twins #22: Out of Place
  • Dove on Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas
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Tags

#BestJamieSuzanne #TeamGrapplegate A+ parenting Always With the Incest Bleak Valley aka Sweet Valley Low Book-long soulmates comments by Dove comments by Raven comments by Wing Dance Baby Dance Don't be a bully be a star Double Dipping Plot Dove goes BOOM! Elizabeth Has A Spine! Ewww poor people! For the hundred and thirty-seventh time... FUCK YOU TAMARA CHASE Great Ghosties I'm running away! I'm scared of Jessica I HATE STEVEN Jessica's New Fave Hobby lo! a haunted house MOAR IDENTICAL TWINS Needs More Werewolves No means no - unless you're Jessica Plucky girl detectives Poor little Jessica Raven disapproves of the faculty Raven goes BOOM Shame you're not a perfect size 6 sketchy student-teacher relationships Something Must Be Done SUPERNATURAL OOOOH Sweet Valley Time THANK GOD FOR ELIZABETH That brand new tradition we've always had The new girl/boy The tears of a saint The twins CAN sing too many Peters TWIN MAGIC Wakefields Must Win Wing's heart grew 10 sizes Wing goes BOOM

Characters

Aaron Dallas Alice Wakefield Amy Sutton Belinda "Billie" Layton Betsy Gordon Brooke Dennis Bruce Patman Caroline Pearce Cathy Connors Charlie Cashman Denny Jacobson Elizabeth Wakefield Ellen Riteman Grace Oliver Janet Howell Jerry McAllister Jessica Wakefield Joe (aka "Sam") Howell Johnny Buck Julie Porter Ken Matthews Kimberly Haver Lila Fowler Lois Waller Mandy Miller Maria Slater Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace Melissa McCormick Mr Bowman Mr Nydick Mrs Arnette Ms Wyler Ned Wakefield Nora Mercandy Olivia Davidson Randy Mason Rick Hunter Robin (Wakefield?) Sandra Ferris Sarah Thomas Sophia Rizzo Steven Wakefield Tamara Chase Todd Wilkins Winston Egbert

Elizabeth’s BFF

Amy Sutton (5) Anna Barrett (1) Arthur Castle aka Castillo (1) Belinda "Billie" Layton (1) Betsy Martin (1) Brian Boyd (1) Brooke Dennis (3) Cammi Adams (1) Chrissy Steele (1) Christoph Bachmann (1) Danny Jackson (1) Denny Jacobson (but not through choice) (1) Dylan McKay (1) George Henkel (1) Ginny Lu Culpepper (1) Grace Oliver (1) Joe Carrey (1) Kala (1) Ken Matthews (2) Leslie Forsythe (1) Lila Fowler (2) Lois Waller (1) Lucy Benson (1) Mandy Miller (1) Maria Slater (3) Mary Giaccio-Robinson-Wallace (3) Melissa McCormick (1) Miranda Page (1) Nora Mercandy (1) Pamela Jacobson (1) Pamela McDonald (1) Patrick Morris (1) Poor disabled and homeless Benjamin (1) Robin (Wakefield?) (3) Samantha Williams (1) Sam Sloane (1) Sandra Ferris (1) Sarah Thomas (1) Sophia Rizzo (1) Starr Johnson (1) The (homeless) Glass family (1) Winston Egbert (1)

Jessica’s Hobby

Acting (9) Animals (1) Baby-Sitting (5) Ballet (1) Basketball (2) Being a Big Sister (1) Being Charming (1) Being Jailbait (2) Being psychic (4) Being treated like a grownup (3) Caring about the disabled (2) Catching Criminals (2) Ceramics (1) Cheerleading (2) Comedy (1) Cookery (1) Dogs (yes really) (1) Fashion Designer (1) France (1) Having her picture taken (1) House-Sitting (1) Hypnosis (1) Intellectual Property Theft (1) Ithig (1) Pranks (1) predicting earthquakes (1) re-living days (1) Rollerblading (1) Running a Student Paper (1) Saving the Environment (2) scuba diving (1) Seals (1) Singing (6) Softball (1) Solving Mysteries (1) Student Council (1) Treasure Hunting (1) Unabashed EEEVIL (1) Using her evil powers of scheming for good (3) Voodoo (1)
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