Raven and Dove never did yearbooks. They never did superlatives. They felt like they missed out.
Here are what they came up with…
Best…
Best Hair: Mandy Miller (post chemo)
Best Comebacks: Lila Fowler
Best Bromance: Amy Sutton/Ken Matthews
Best Beard: Amy Sutton (for Ken Matthews)
Best Accent: Ginny-Lu Culpepper – “I say ‘hey y’all’ and ‘yee-haw’!”
Best person to be stranded with on a desert island: Winston Egbert – “I guess that’s why Jessica keeps ending up on desert islands with me, amiright?”
Best (and worst) Singer…
Best Singer: Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield
Worst Singer: Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield
Most likely to…
Most likely to Win the Lottery and lose the ticket: Ellen Riteman
Most likely to Win an Olympic Medal: Belinda Layton
Most likely to Win a Pulitzer: Saint Elizabeth Wakefield
Most likely to Win a Nobel Prize: Mandy Miller
Most likely to Trip at Graduation: Amy Sutton
Most likely to Travel the World: Lila Fowler – “Even Europe, you plebs.”
Most likely to survive The Hunger Games: Lois Waller – “Fuck the two-dress!”
Most likely to Invent the Next iPhone: Lloyd Benson
Most likely to Become Internet Famous: Caroline Pearce – “You know you love me, xoxo, CP”
Most likely to become a teacher: Mr Davis
Most likely to Become a Farmer: Ginny-Lu Culpepper
Most likely to Be Your Boss: Janet Howell – “Unless it reflects badly on the Unicorns.”
Most likely to Be President: Randy Mason
Most likely to be on Catfish: Ellen Riteman – “You mean I’ve not been chatting with Johnny Buck? We’re not getting married? Are you even allowed to lie on the internet?”
Most likely to Be on a Reality Show: Lila Fowler
Most likely to Be Late to Graduation: Jessica Wakefield – “Nothing starts until I get there. It’s why I never wear a watch, bitches.”
Most likely to be Found Studying in the Library: Elizabeth Wakefield
Most likely to be caught sleeping in class: Sarah Thomas – “It was ONE TIME!”
Most likely to be BFF: Elizabeth Wakefield/Kid with a Problem
Most likely to Write the next Harry Potter: Sophia Rizzo
The Rest…
Biggest Gossip: Caroline Pearce
Biggest Drama Queen: Maria Slater
Teacher’s Pet: Elizabeth Wakefield – “It’s not showing off if you’re actually a Wakefield.”
I am Dove. I am: Team Jessica (Sweet Valley); Team Bad Guy (Point Horror); Team Geiger (Making Out); Team Nina/Lucas (Making Out); and I am the voice of a claymation cow named Daisy, and I was in an advert for Fairy Liquid in the 80s.
3 thoughts on “Sweet Valley Middle School Yearbook Superlatives”
Just finished reading the SVT miniseries where they were shipwrecked
I was really hoping it would go a bit Lost and there’d be some kind of monster they had to fight. Or that they were all in purgatory – that was a pretty solid Lost theory for a long time.
Evil twins, Wing and Dove, trade Point Horror for Sweet Valley. And they have a secret triplet, Raven, joining them for a dude’s point of view.
We will be recapping Sweet Valley Twins (and all the special editions, including The Unicorn Club) to start with, and if Wing survives that, we may try other Sweet Valley series.
We will upload a recap every Monday for three weeks, and a podcast on the fourth.
Our Podcast music is provided by Stuart Taylor of Legacy Breakfast.
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Raven’s Twinparisons
Jessica longs to buy purple sneakers. Elizabeth, however, thinks sports lead to impure thoughts, and spends her money on scripture and flagellation. Jessica is a slut.
This little twinny likes the market. This little twinny stays at home.
Elizabeth likes horses. Jessica likes Unicorns, which are like horses, only hornier.
Just finished reading the SVT miniseries where they were shipwrecked
I was really hoping it would go a bit Lost and there’d be some kind of monster they had to fight. Or that they were all in purgatory – that was a pretty solid Lost theory for a long time.
Best Bromance made me cackle.
Best Beard will be a recurring award.
Ellen’s quote had me rolling.