Character: Janet Howell

President of the Unicorn Club and Lila’s cousin. Kind of a moron and a dickhead. Possibly the only girl in seventh grade. Apparently very popular, despite the fact that nobody likes her. It’s a conundrum.

Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet!

Posted on 14 June 202127 June 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet, in which Janet Howell does a very passible impersonation of Kyle’s Mom.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #11: Jessica’s No Angel

Posted on 10 May 20215 September 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #11: Jessica’s No Angel, wherein – for the second time ever – Elizabeth is the greatest character ever.

Sweet Valley Twins #114: The Boyfriend Mess

Posted on 4 May 20213 May 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #114: The Boyfriend Mess and there are love triangles, miscommunications, and dating shenanigans everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game

Posted on 19 April 202119 April 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #113: The Boyfriend Game, which pays homage to a legendary Eighties television gameshow, in a frankly incomprehensible way.

Sweet Valley Twins #112: If Looks Could Kill

Posted on 12 April 202112 April 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 112 If Looks Could Kill and a boring set of love triangles becomes an entertaining KILL THEM ALL game. Metaphorically, alas.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas

Posted on 5 April 20215 April 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #10: The Year Without Christmas wherein Jessica relives Christmas Eve over and over and over… and contemplates murdering Amy Sutton

Sweet Valley Twins #110: Pumpkin Fever

Posted on 15 March 202115 March 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 110: Pumpkin Fever in which Jessica wants to be crowned Halloween Queen, and will stop at nothing to achieve it, including murdering a fictional squirrel!

Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies

Posted on 25 January 202110 April 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #106: Breakfast of Enemies, in which the sass is electric, the cereal is inedible, and Jessica needs to have a word with herself.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #8: Jessica’s First Kiss

Posted on 11 January 202111 January 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #8: Jessica’s First Kiss, which is pointless because Jessica was kissed in book 15, which was 110 books ago. But this book contains camping! Bears! Vomit! EXCITING, YES?

Sweet Valley Twins #103: Big Brother’s In Love Again

Posted on 23 November 20204 September 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #103: Big Brother’s In Love Again, in which Steven Wakefield is a Class A copper-plated bobby-dazzling bellend.

Sweet Valley Twins #103: Elizabeth Solves It All

Posted on 16 November 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #103: Elizabeth Solves It All, where this Jamie appears to hate Elizabeth as much as Dove does, and Amy Sutton is surprisingly awesome. Yeah, no, really.

Sweet Valley Twins #102: The Mysterious Dr Q

Posted on 2 November 20201 November 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps The Mysterious Dr. Q and no. just no. no to the infinite power.

Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders

Posted on 3 August 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #95: Battle of the Cheerleaders, and accidentally enjoys it. Note: it’s not about cheerleading. It’s about basketball. And Dove doesn’t understand that at all.

Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica

Posted on 6 July 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: The Incredible Madame Jessica wherein Jessica AGAIN thinks she’s psychic, and this book just retreads the last psychic book. The Jamies are running on empty now, aren’t they?

Sweet Valley Twins #92: Escape from Terror Island

Posted on 1 June 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #92: Escape from Terror Island, which is a frankly dire follow-up to the fun adventure of the previous book

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Posted on 25 May 202025 February 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage, in which there’s genuine, terrifying, nail-biting peril. And the best line EVER from Tamara Chase.

Sweet Valley Twins #88: Steven Gets Even

Posted on 13 April 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #88: Steven Gets Even, and between the girl power and a drive-by spagging, the Mercandy backyard theory becomes canon.

Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Posted on 16 March 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader

Posted on 9 March 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader, and Raven is right: Sweet Valley Middle School has the worst teachers in the world. BURN. IT. DOWN.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Posted on 24 February 202023 February 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine, in which Lila falls for a bit of rough, and Todd Wilkins is completely insufferable.