Character: Janet Howell

President of the Unicorn Club and Lila’s cousin. Kind of a moron and a dickhead. Possibly the only girl in seventh grade. Apparently very popular, despite the fact that nobody likes her. It’s a conundrum.

Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley!

Posted on 17 September 20186 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It’s ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.

Sweet Valley Twins #57: Big Brother’s in Love!

Posted on 13 August 201825 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #57: Big Brother’s in Love! and we learn the truth about Pea Pong. PEA PONG.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian

Posted on 16 July 201821 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian, and she braces herself for some horrible stereotypes and cultural appropriation. Did she go boom? Read to find out.

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Posted on 18 June 201821 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible

Posted on 4 June 201828 June 2018 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book’s about.

Sweet Valley Twins #48: Mandy Miller Fights Back

Posted on 8 May 201815 December 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #49: Mandy Miller Fights Back, in which we meet the best Sweet Valley peripheral character yet!

Sweet Valley Twins #47: Jessica’s New Look

Posted on 30 April 201821 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 47: Jessica’s New Look, wherein Jessica is a boring, self-centred twat who whines a lot about how wearing glasses is LITERALLY THE WORST. No. This book is the worst.

Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica

Posted on 23 April 201815 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica, wherein Brooke becomes Brookette (trés French) and Jessica’s family use humiliation to teach her a lesson.

Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins

Posted on 8 January 201815 December 2018 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins, in which Jessica launches a rival newspaper, many lies are told and Amy Sutton can just get in the f***ing sea.

Sweet Valley Twins #35: Amy’s Pen Pal

Posted on 11 December 201728 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins 35: Amy’s Pen Pal, in which Amy Sutton loses a new friend to siren call of the Unigibbons. Will they steal her friend forever?

Jessica vs Elizabeth (The Hunger Games) by Dove

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 26

Posted on 26 November 201726 November 2017 by Dove

Dove finishes NaNo. This is the final chapter of #JessicaVsElizabeth. Hope you enjoy.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 17

Posted on 16 November 201716 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. There’s a tsunami, a toothbrush and some superglue.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 16

Posted on 15 November 201715 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. Earthquakes, deaths, hockey sticks, fat shaming and more hockey sticks.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 15

Posted on 14 November 201714 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. She resolves one cliffhanger and creates a new one. #Stine

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 14

Posted on 13 November 201712 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. Dove attempts to write action scenes. People die. Enjoy.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 12

Posted on 10 November 20179 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. The tributes separate in an attempt to save themselves.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 10 & 11

Posted on 9 November 20179 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. The Hunger Games start. There are deaths.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 9

Posted on 8 November 20177 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo, this time with a really long chapter of pre-Hunger Games interviews, hosted by Beau Dillon and Johnny Buck!

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 6

Posted on 5 November 20175 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to NaNo. The tributes go to a training day, cunning plans are suggested and ignored.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapters 1 & 2

Posted on 2 November 20174 November 2017 by Dove

Dove desperately tries to complete NaNoWriMo. The twins will be entering into The Hunger Games. Who will survive? Will you sponsor a tribute? (Yes, you will. I need you to. Comments are the only currency required.)