Character: Ellen Riteman

Member of the Unicorn Club. Thick as two short planks. On the covers, she always looks like she’s been transplanted from the 1950s.

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage, in which there’s genuine, terrifying, nail-biting peril. And the best line EVER from Tamara Chase.

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Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster, in which Jessica could have poisoned an entire Home Ec class with a little more dedication.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine, in which Lila falls for a bit of rough, and Todd Wilkins is completely insufferable.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground AND DEAR GOD THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION BULLSHIT.

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Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War, wherein middle school is exactly like the Cold War, Ellen’s dad wears a funny hat, and Johnny Buck again fails to move to Sweet Valley

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller: The Curse of the Golden Heart. There are far too many dreams and far too little cursing.

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Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie, which is offensive to voodoo practitioners, the disabled, Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth specifically, and is literally the worst Sweet Valley book Dove has ever read. That includes ithig.

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Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day, and is way too charmed by a made-up holiday focused on pink romance.

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Sweet Valley Twins 75: Jessica and the Earthquake

Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake, which unfortunately does not have the same body count as the Sweet Valley High book called Earthquake.

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Magna Edition 2 - A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth, in which Elizabeth Lassos the Moon. Merry Chrismas, Sweet Valley!

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!

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SVMS Yearbook Cover 2018

Sweet Valley Middle School Yearbook Superlatives

Raven and Dove never did yearbooks. They never did superlatives. They felt like they missed out. Here are what they came up with…

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Sweet Valley Twins 67: Jessica the Thief by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief, and it’s fun enough for an overdone plot and subplot. Also: Jessica is a damn thief all the damn time. Except this time.

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Sweet Valley Twins 66: The Great Boyfriend Switch by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #66: The Great Boyfriend Switch

Raven recaps The Great Boyfriend Switch, and needs a spreadsheet to keep track on all the Twinny subterfuge.

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Sweet Valley Twins 63: Poor Lila by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #63: Poor Lila!

Dove recaps the best book in the series, Sweet Valley Twins 63: Poor Lila!, wherein Lila is poor, the twins are nearly absent and EVERYONE is sassy.

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Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley!

Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It’s ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4 The Unicorns Go Hawaiian by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian, and she braces herself for some horrible stereotypes and cultural appropriation. Did she go boom? Read to find out.

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