Tag: Ewww poor people!

Aside from fatties, poor people are the WORST.

Sweet Valley High #24: Memories

Posted on 17 April 202317 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley High #24, in which Steven Wakefield grapples with love, grief, and loss, all of which are better than grappling with a bloody lawnmower.

The cover is blueish grey with orange text - a particularly horrible combination and the text is harder to read because each colour is very muted, so they don't pop against each other. Standard porthole cover, with Trisha Martin standing in the foreground visible from the ribs up, she has short chestnut hair and dark eyes. She's wearing an oversized blue shirt with a white collar that makes her look like a maid (not sure how we're supposed to infer this is a hard-drinking slut from such prissy attire). No pose, arms at sides. Behind her, one of the twins stands with her hand on her chin, looking somewhere between thoughtful and murderous. The hair implies it's Liz, but the vicious look in her eye says Jessica. She's wearing an orange tank top.

Sweet Valley High #15: Promises

Posted on 16 January 202316 January 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #15: Promises and hates every goddamn second of this hypocritical Jessica and death by cancer fucking book.

Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies

Posted on 12 December 202212 December 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #12: When Love Dies, and it’s probably a mistake to spend so much time talking about a character dying from cancer. Ah well.

Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Posted on 21 November 202221 November 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley High #9: Racing Hearts

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #13: Elizabeth: Next Stop: Jr High

Posted on 11 July 202211 July 2022 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #13: Elizabeth: Next Stop: Jr High, in which Elizabeth Wakefield spends five weeks in Costa Rica, snogging a boy in a forest.

The Unicorn Club #20: In Love with Mandy

Posted on 18 May 202218 May 2022 by Wing

Wing recaps The Unicorn Club 20: In Love with Mandy and it is horrible, boring, repetitive, obnoxious, and she is just done.

Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for Gold

Posted on 5 July 20215 July 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for the Gold and it fails completely at being a sports book BUT ROCKS AT BEING AN ENEMIES TO FRIENDS (TO LOVERS) BOOK.

Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet!

Posted on 14 June 202127 June 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #117: Down With Queen Janet, in which Janet Howell does a very passible impersonation of Kyle’s Mom.

Sweet Valley Twins #116: Jessica Takes Charge

Posted on 7 June 20214 September 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #116 Jessica Takes Charge and is shocked when the book touches on racist institutions and social injustice without completely handwaving it off.

Sweet Valley Twins #115: Happy Mother’s Day, Lila

Posted on 24 May 202124 May 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #115: Happy Mother’s Day, Lila, in which Jessica does something UNFORGIVEABLE amidst the tears, tantrums and sass.

Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here

Posted on 16 March 202025 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #86: It Can’t Happen Here wherein Sweet Valley tackles the Holocaust and the dead rise from the grave. Not hyperbole. #DoveGoesBOOM!

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground

Posted on 20 January 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground AND DEAR GOD THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION BULLSHIT.

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Posted on 27 February 201925 November 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth, in which Elizabeth Lassos the Moon. Merry Chrismas, Sweet Valley!

Sweet Valley Twins 62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mom by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum

Posted on 8 October 201813 December 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum and is both annoyed and bored. How? How is that even possible? All these great tropes and yet the story is terrible.

Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley!

Posted on 17 September 20186 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It’s ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.

Sweet Valley Twins #22: Out of Place

Posted on 24 July 201723 April 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 22: Out of Place. Once again the harpies of Sweet Valley decide to bully a new student to the point of suicide, and somehow that’s ok.

Sweet Valley Twins #13: Stretching the Truth

Posted on 24 April 201723 April 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #13: Stretching the Truth, wherein Mary is on her second of three surnames and is feeling very out of sorts, and no adult appears to have noticed.

Sweet Valley Twins #9: Against the Rules

Posted on 13 March 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #9: Against the Rules, wherein Elizabeth befriends a poor person. And her parents don’t like it. Can you blame them? You don’t live in Sweet Valley to bump into poor people.

Sweet Valley Twins #8: First Place

Posted on 6 March 201723 April 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #8: First Place, wherein Lila Fowler gets a horse, and Elizabeth feels she is the one who “deserves” it.

Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House

Posted on 16 January 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #3: The Haunted House, where the entire school mistakes an orphan for a witch, and bullies her accordingly.