Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.
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Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #79: Jessica’s Blind Date, in which all the kids in Sweet Valley Middle School throw their keys into the bowl…
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #77: Todd Runs Away, and, shock of all shocks, REALLY LIKES TODD WILKINS. Who replaced her with some sort of Sweet Valley pod person?!
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake, which unfortunately does not have the same body count as the Sweet Valley High book called Earthquake.
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #72: The Love Potion, wherein the Unicorns make a love potion. What, you thought it was a clever title?
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees wherein #BestJess attempts to save the trees, Elizabeth is genuinely useless, facts are a last resort.
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #65: Patty’s Last Dance and the book dances its way into her heart.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas wherein the emphasis is on the Magic rather than the Christmas, dolls can move, creatures die, and gosh, this summary sounds dark.
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Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It’s ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #4: The Ghost in the Bell Tower by Francine Pascal and it’s great, creepy fun … except the point is to make Elizabeth believe in ghosts AND SHE ALREADY SHOULD.
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Raven recaps Barnyard Battle, in which Elizabeth nearly dies in a lightning storm and no one gives a tiny rat’s ass.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it’s actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley wherein she over-identifies with a nerd, keeps saying Smooze instead of “the Slime” and Jessica’s first kiss gets revoked.
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Dove recaps Lucy Takes the Reins, wherein Dove doesn’t care in the slightest about Lucy, but ADORES WHOLEHEARTEDLY the b-plot, which features #BestJess
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Raven recaps the totally forgettable… erm… huh… what was it again? Something to do with a fire? Oh yeah, Sweet Valley Twins #44: Amy Moves In.
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Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret, wherein we find people both stupider and bitchier than the Unicorns, and Elizabeth wants to know: HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD?
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Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #41: The Twins Get Caught and resorts to bullet points really damn early because it is not a good time.
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Dove slugs her way through another Very Special Episode during which she wants to murder Elizabeth. More than usual.
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Wing recaps Jessica and the Money Mix-Up and has to resort to bullet points to get through. (WHY DID IT TALK ABOUT BILLABLE HOURS? WHY?)
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