Character: Alice Wakefield

The twins’ mother, often mistaken for the twins’ older sister. Works part time as an interior designer, cooks excellent meals and keep the Wakefields’ “attractive split-level house” spotlessly clean. Sucks at being a parent.

Sweet Valley Twins 62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mom by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum

Posted on 8 October 201813 December 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #62: Sarah’s Dad and Sophia’s Mum and is both annoyed and bored. How? How is that even possible? All these great tropes and yet the story is terrible.

Sweet Valley Twins #49: The Twins’ Little Sister

Posted on 21 May 201816 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins 49: The Twins’ Little Sister by Jamie Suzanne, and no, the twins are not ready to be big sisters. They will never be ready.

Sweet Valley Twins #47: Jessica’s New Look

Posted on 30 April 201821 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 47: Jessica’s New Look, wherein Jessica is a boring, self-centred twat who whines a lot about how wearing glasses is LITERALLY THE WORST. No. This book is the worst.

Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica

Posted on 23 April 201815 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #46: Mademoiselle Jessica, wherein Brooke becomes Brookette (trés French) and Jessica’s family use humiliation to teach her a lesson.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #3: The Carnival Ghost by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #3: The Carnival Ghost

Posted on 26 March 20181 April 2023 by Wing

Wing forgot to fill this in, so Dove will summarise: Wing falls hopelessly in love with this awesome story, wherein Liz makes BFFs with a ghost, Lila is sass personified, Jessica is a true believer, and DOVE WAS RIGHT THAT THIS IS THE BEST SWEET VALLEY BOOK EVER.

Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret

Posted on 5 March 201821 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret, wherein we find people both stupider and bitchier than the Unicorns, and Elizabeth wants to know: HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD?

Sweet Valley Twins #41: The Twins Get Caught

Posted on 26 February 201815 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #41: The Twins Get Caught and resorts to bullet points really damn early because it is not a good time.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #2: The Ghost in the Graveyard

Posted on 12 February 201810 April 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet VAlley Twins Super Chiller 2: The Ghost in the Graveyard. There’s a ghost… but is it in a graveyard? Enquiring minds want to know!

Sweet Valley Twins #40: Danny Means Trouble

Posted on 5 February 201828 June 2018 by Dove

Dove slugs her way through another Very Special Episode during which she wants to murder Elizabeth. More than usual.

Sweet Valley Twins #39: Jessica and the Money Mix-Up

Posted on 29 January 201821 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Jessica and the Money Mix-Up and has to resort to bullet points to get through. (WHY DID IT TALK ABOUT BILLABLE HOURS? WHY?)

Sweet Valley Twins #36: Mary is Missing

Posted on 1 January 201826 May 2020 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #36: Mary is Missing and though everybody’s a sleuth no one wears a dramatic trench coat.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost

Posted on 18 December 201710 December 2020 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #1: The Christmas Ghost, which is a Sweet Valley retelling of A Christmas Carol, with pop stars and talking unicorns (not the girl gang), and loads of versions of Jessica… all of which she takes a few minutes to identify as being herself (or Liz).

Sweet Valley Twins #34: Jessica the Rock Star

Posted on 4 December 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #34 Jessica the Rock Star, in which Jessica both CANNOT and CAN sing, and the Unicorns host a billion parties.

Sweet Valley Twins #32: Jessica on Stage

Posted on 15 November 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing Recaps Sweet Valley Twins #32: Jessica on Stage, wherein Jessica gets mentored by the Sweet Valley equivalent of Doris Day. Because why not?

Jessica vs Elizabeth (The Hunger Games) by Dove

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 5

Posted on 4 November 20174 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to #NaNoWriMo. The tributes have been picked. How is everyone dealing with this? You might guess “not well” is the answer. You’d be right.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapters 3 & 4

Posted on 3 November 20172 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to word vomit for NaNoWriMo. The Hunger Games tributes are announced. Who will be on there? Do they have a hope in hell against Jessica? (No, they don’t. They need your sponsorship. Sponsorship = leave a comment, not money.)

Sweet Valley Twins #31: Jessica’s Bad Idea

Posted on 30 October 20176 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 31: Jessica’s Bad Idea, in which the most loathesome creature on the planet goes toe-to-toe with… Jessica? Yes. There is someone *worse* than Jess in Sweet Valley.

Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack

Posted on 9 October 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack, wherein Jess faces four children more evil and annoying than herself. And Wing has zero sympathy. It is beautiful.

Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool!

Posted on 25 September 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool! This book sees Elizabeth and Jessica join forces against their brother Stephen, who has become possessed by a giant squid. The fourteen-year-old sandwich chomper threatens to squirt his murky ink all over Sweet Valley, and the twins decree he Must Be Stopped. (Actually, that’s a big lie… April Fool!)

Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork

Posted on 18 September 201723 April 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork, in which a dog gets a bad dye job and Ken Matthews doesn’t get paid for his hard work. Oh, and the twins exist.