Character: Alice Wakefield

The twins’ mother, often mistaken for the twins’ older sister. Works part time as an interior designer, cooks excellent meals and keep the Wakefields’ “attractive split-level house” spotlessly clean. Sucks at being a parent.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Special #7: Jessica’s Animal Instincts and oh my god, the highs and lows. THE HIGHS AND LOWS. And adorable bear cub.

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Sweet Valley Twins #94: Don’t Talk to Brian

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #93: Don’t Talk to Brian wherein Brian the Nazi is redeemed. Wing takes this about as well as you’d think.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #9: Evil Elizabeth where Elizabeth is evil, Steven is useful, Jessica is awesome and Ellen is in character #WINNING

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Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster, in which Jessica could have poisoned an entire Home Ec class with a little more dedication.

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Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #85: Elizabeth the Seventh-Grader, and Raven is right: Sweet Valley Middle School has the worst teachers in the world. BURN. IT. DOWN.

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Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets and it is filled with delightful Twin … what’s the opposite of Magic? That.

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Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.

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Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War, wherein middle school is exactly like the Cold War, Ellen’s dad wears a funny hat, and Johnny Buck again fails to move to Sweet Valley

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller: The Curse of the Golden Heart. There are far too many dreams and far too little cursing.

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Sweet Valley Twins 75: Jessica and the Earthquake

Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake, which unfortunately does not have the same body count as the Sweet Valley High book called Earthquake.

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Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees wherein #BestJess attempts to save the trees, Elizabeth is genuinely useless, facts are a last resort.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!

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Sweet Valley Twins 67: Jessica the Thief by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #67: Jessica the Thief, and it’s fun enough for an overdone plot and subplot. Also: Jessica is a damn thief all the damn time. Except this time.

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Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #64: The Charm School Mystery, which abounds with mystery and a little schooling, but has infinite charm.

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