Character: Jessica Wakefield

Aspiring serial killer. Utterly selfish and ruthless, snobby and vapid.

Jessica vs Elizabeth (The Hunger Games) by Dove

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapter 5

Posted on 4 November 20174 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to #NaNoWriMo. The tributes have been picked. How is everyone dealing with this? You might guess “not well” is the answer. You’d be right.

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapters 3 & 4

Posted on 3 November 20172 November 2017 by Dove

Dove continues to word vomit for NaNoWriMo. The Hunger Games tributes are announced. Who will be on there? Do they have a hope in hell against Jessica? (No, they don’t. They need your sponsorship. Sponsorship = leave a comment, not money.)

NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapters 1 & 2

Posted on 2 November 20174 November 2017 by Dove

Dove desperately tries to complete NaNoWriMo. The twins will be entering into The Hunger Games. Who will survive? Will you sponsor a tribute? (Yes, you will. I need you to. Comments are the only currency required.)

Sweet Valley Twins #31: Jessica’s Bad Idea

Posted on 30 October 20176 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 31: Jessica’s Bad Idea, in which the most loathesome creature on the planet goes toe-to-toe with… Jessica? Yes. There is someone *worse* than Jess in Sweet Valley.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #3: The Big Camp Secret

Posted on 23 October 201728 June 2018 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #3: The Big Camp Secret, in which the Wakefield Twins attend a Sleepaway Camp, and ACTUALLY ENTER A CONTEST THEY DON’T WIN.

Sweet Valley Twins #30: Princess Elizabeth

Posted on 16 October 201728 June 2018 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 30: Princess Elizabeth, in which we learn that the Santa Doran monarchy have incredibly lax security, and that… DOVE LOATHES THE CONCEPT OF MONARCHY.

Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack

Posted on 9 October 201715 December 2018 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack, wherein Jess faces four children more evil and annoying than herself. And Wing has zero sympathy. It is beautiful.

Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool!

Posted on 25 September 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #28: April Fool! This book sees Elizabeth and Jessica join forces against their brother Stephen, who has become possessed by a giant squid. The fourteen-year-old sandwich chomper threatens to squirt his murky ink all over Sweet Valley, and the twins decree he Must Be Stopped. (Actually, that’s a big lie… April Fool!)

Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork

Posted on 18 September 201723 April 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #27: Teamwork, in which a dog gets a bad dye job and Ken Matthews doesn’t get paid for his hard work. Oh, and the twins exist.

Sweet Valley Twins #26: Taking Charge

Posted on 11 September 201723 April 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 26: Taking Charge, in which the b-plot is the most compelling thing, because it doesn’t require an iron grip on the idiot ball.

Sweet Valley Twins #25: Standing Out

Posted on 28 August 201723 April 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 25: Standing Out, in which Billie Layton has to deal with getting her period, liking boys, and having her shitbag parents steal her name and give it to their new child.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief

Posted on 21 August 201723 April 2023 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #2: Holiday Mischief, in which there are spies, disappearing ink, and the most inept choral leaders on the planet.

Sweet Valley Twins #24: Jumping to Conclusions

Posted on 14 August 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins 24: Jumping to Conclusions, wherein Alice might be sleeping around, and the Wakefield kids are going to SORT. THAT. OUT. Cue #BestJess and some wild and zany schemes.

Sweet Valley Twins #23: Claim to Fame

Posted on 31 July 201723 April 2023 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins 23: Claim to Fame, wherein the school inexplicably celebrates being 25 years old by burying a time capsule containing stuff from 25 years ago.

Sweet Valley Twins #22: Out of Place

Posted on 24 July 201723 April 2023 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 22: Out of Place. Once again the harpies of Sweet Valley decide to bully a new student to the point of suicide, and somehow that’s ok.