Character: Jessica Wakefield

Aspiring serial killer. Utterly selfish and ruthless, snobby and vapid.

Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets

Posted on 17 February 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #84: Romeo and Two Juliets and it is filled with delightful Twin … what’s the opposite of Magic? That.

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas

Posted on 10 February 202016 June 2020 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #3: BIG for Christmas wherein Jamie Suzanne rips off a well-known plot, gives Elizabeth a spine, and makes me question how slutty silk is.

Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister

Posted on 28 January 202028 January 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister, in which Amy v2.0 charms everyone in a thirty mile radius.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground

Posted on 20 January 202025 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #7: The Haunted Burial Ground AND DEAR GOD THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION BULLSHIT.

Sweet Valley Twins #82: Steven’s Enemy

Posted on 13 January 202018 January 2020 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #82: Steven’s Enemy in which she finds new levels of burning hatred for Steven Wakefield

Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall

Posted on 6 January 20206 January 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #81: Robbery At The Mall, in which Elizabeth Wakefield channels John McClane to bring down a crime ring.

Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War

Posted on 1 July 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War, wherein middle school is exactly like the Cold War, Ellen’s dad wears a funny hat, and Johnny Buck again fails to move to Sweet Valley

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #6: The Curse of the Golden Heart

Posted on 24 June 20196 November 2019 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller: The Curse of the Golden Heart. There are far too many dreams and far too little cursing.

Sweet Valley Twins #79: Jessica’s Blind Date

Posted on 10 June 201910 June 2019 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #79: Jessica’s Blind Date, in which all the kids in Sweet Valley Middle School throw their keys into the bowl…

Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie

Posted on 1 April 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie, which is offensive to voodoo practitioners, the disabled, Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth specifically, and is literally the worst Sweet Valley book Dove has ever read. That includes ithig.

Sweet Valley Twins #77: Todd Runs Away

Posted on 26 March 201926 March 2019 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #77: Todd Runs Away, and, shock of all shocks, REALLY LIKES TODD WILKINS. Who replaced her with some sort of Sweet Valley pod person?!

Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day

Posted on 13 March 201913 March 2019 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #76: Yours for a Day, and is way too charmed by a made-up holiday focused on pink romance.

Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake

Posted on 4 March 201919 June 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake, which unfortunately does not have the same body count as the Sweet Valley High book called Earthquake.

Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth

Posted on 27 February 201925 November 2021 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #2: A Christmas Without Elizabeth, in which Elizabeth Lassos the Moon. Merry Chrismas, Sweet Valley!

Sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero

Posted on 11 February 201913 December 2020 by Raven

Raven recaps sweet Valley Twins #74: Elizabeth the Hero, in which Elizabeth saves Denny Jacobson’s life over and over again, yet no one thinks to stab Steven in the face.

Sweet Valley Twins #73: Lila’s Music Video

Posted on 4 February 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #73: Lila’s Music Video wherein Lila eats off-brand ice cream and learns the value of friendship (again)

Sweet Valley Twins #72: The Love Potion

Posted on 28 January 201918 October 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #72: The Love Potion, wherein the Unicorns make a love potion. What, you thought it was a clever title?

Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees

Posted on 14 January 201925 February 2021 by Dove

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees wherein #BestJess attempts to save the trees, Elizabeth is genuinely useless, facts are a last resort.

Sweet Valley Twins #70: Psychic Sisters

Posted on 7 January 20197 January 2019 by Raven

Raven recaps Sweet Valley Twins #70: Psychic Sisters. If the twins COULD read minds, Steven would be in jail.

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace

Posted on 1 January 201921 February 2021 by Wing

Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #5: The Curse of the Ruby Necklace and it has everything wonderful! Vengeful ghosts! Murder mysteries! #bestjess everywhere!