Title: Jessica vs Elizabeth

Summary:

“Oh, Lizzie, isn’t it romantic?” Jessica squealed.

Elizabeth gaped at her twin. “They’re expecting us to kill each other.”

“Yes, but we get new clothes and we’re paired with a boy!”

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: I am going to post this, unbeta’d as it gets written for NaNoWriMo2017. I will post a clean, edited (hopefully coherent) version when it is finished, but if you want to see the raw, error-laden process of my word-vomit, here it is.

Chapters: 1 & 2, 3 & 4, 5 , 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 & 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 & 24, 25.

Twenty-Five

Beau Dillon had been dragged out of the way by Rosey, and they were due to be back on air any minute. Hank Patman and George Fowler were feigning delight that Lois had been rescued, and they were “shocked and dismayed” that somehow nobody had rescued her.

Wardrobe had told her that they had nothing in her size. Lois had lifted her chin and said, “Then stitch three dresses together like you did last time.” She thought a moment longer. “I don’t care which ones. Make me look as ugly as you like.”

Twenty minutes later, still shiny-faced and wearing three dresses, in orange, pink and yellow, badly sewn together, she was seated at the desk next to Johnny Buck, ready to be interviewed.

“Lois,” said Johnny. “Do you realise how many hearts you captured in the arena?”

“Well, Lila Fowler considered me a friend, so I suppose that’s a start,” Lois replied.

“It is indeed. And can I say that your last moments with Lila were very sad for all of us.”

Lois thought for a moment. “I think that Lila has – had – such a powerful personality, I think in some ways, it’s like she’s still with us.”

“That’s true,” Johnny nodded. “And now that you’re out of the arena, what are your plans?”

“To be honest, Johnny, I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to go home, take a hot bath, and then put on some clothes that are designed for someone of my size.”

Johnny smiled. “And when you’re done, would you be willing to star in the music video for my new song?”

Lois’ jaw dropped. “Really? What’s the song called?”

“It’s called ‘Buck the Odds (Holla Holla Lois Waller)’, and once we’re off air, we can play you a demo.”

“You really wrote a song about me?” Lois asked, a blush lighting up her face.

“Yes. The hotline for the Hunger Games has been ringing off the hook with messages of support for you. There are many girls and boys who idolise you. You’ve really changed things in Sweet Valley for a lot of people!”

Lois teared up a little at hearing that. She quite often felt like the only person in town who couldn’t go straight onto the cover of Seventeen or Ingénue without a single moment of preparation. She was simply astounded that so many people felt the same way as her.

“We have heaps of fanmail for you – very few people could afford the sponsorship gifts, but they penned letters, sent you gifts for when you get out of the arena – and there’s about a hundred invitations to the Valentine’s dance that’s coming up in a few weeks.”

They talked for a few more minutes, but the tiredness hit Lois hard, and she found it hard to give intelligent answers. Johnny noticed and covered for her – telling the audience about his favourite moments of hers in the arena.

She managed to perk up for the final question thought.

“Now,” said Johnny. “I’m sure that very few people know this because I like to keep my life private, but for the past three years, I have been dating the most amazing woman in the world – my PA and so much more, Rosey. Last week, just before the Hunger Games started, I proposed, and Rosey made me the happiest man in the world by saying yes. And now Rosey and I have something to ask you, Lois.”

“Ok,” Lois said. “What is it?”

“Lois, would you be our only bridesmaid?”

Lois thought for a moment. “Well, before I answer, can I ask one thing?”

Johnny smiled. “I think you’ve earned that.”

“Can I have a dress – just the one, that fits me?”

“Lois, on that day, two ladies are going to have beautiful dresses designed specifically for them – one is my wife-to-be, the other is you.”

Lois beamed at him, again feeling the tears prick her eyes. “In that case, I would love to!”

The twins had been separated, but they were still trying to fly at each other and were tossing insults across the room.

Janet sidled up to the Director, and asked, “So, what happened up there? You know, in the real world. Did Lois really win?”

The Director checked his screen. After a few moments, he spoke. “Lois Waller is about to star in a music video for Johnny Buck, and she’s going to be his bridesmaid.”

Janet’s jaw hit the floor. “No way! Who’s he marrying?”

“His PA, she’s called Rosey, they’ve been dating for three years,” the Director replied. Janet sensed he didn’t have a lot of experience talking to teenage girls. He was probably not a Johnny Buck fan.

“Rosey?” Elizabeth asked in an acid tone.

“Rosey?” Belinda echoed. “She sent me my baseball. It looks a lot like you.”

“Fat Lois is going to be in a music video?” Jessica snapped. “Oh, that is it. We’re going back to Sweet Valley. There’s no way that chubber is getting the attention I deserve!”

It seemed to Janet that the Director looked slightly relieved at this turn of events. “Belladonna, could you arrange an exit path for everyone please?”

Even if they were going back, it was a good idea to keep abreast of the gossip. “So, she’s not famous this person who’s marrying Johnny Buck?”

The Director sighed and checked his screen once more. “No. She’s his PA.” He seemed to realise this was not enough information for her. “Belladonna is my PA, she organises my schedule, weeds out time wasters, books my travel, alerts me to people who are not generating enough evil and those that are going above and beyond who need recognition for their hard work.”

Janet pulled a face. “That sounds boring. Why would he marry someone who wasn’t famous, like an actress or something?”

The Director looked confused. “I do not deal in marriage. What I deal in cannot be discussed with you until you are over the age of consent. Excuse me.” The Director stepped forward and held his hands up. “Now I want everyone to listen to me very clearly. When you leave Hell it is very important that you do not leave the door open. The last person must make sure it’s closed, otherwise residents of Hell that did not arrive with VIP guests may end up leaving without permission.”

“I’m going to kill Rosey!” Elizabeth yelled.

“I’m going to kill Lois!” Jessica yelled back.

“Yeah, yeah, close the door,” Janet said. “Can we go now?”

Buck the Odds (Holla Holla Lois Waller)

Switch on my television, looking for that list of names,
Those still alive in the Sweet Valley Middle Hunger Games.
Watching the action but I’m dreading every cannon boom,
Wait for the confirmation, building tension in the room
Oh how my heart stands still
Sky writing claims the kill,
A stranger’s name across the sky sky sky

They say that you’re too fat, you’ll never win like that,
But you will make them see, this is your destiny,
You’ll beat them at their game, the world will know your name,
We shout for victory, cry holla holla…
We raise our voices for Lois Waller.

Go Lois Waller, with your agile mind and sturdy thighs,
Hunt down those matchstick kids and see the terror in their eyes,
I ship my chosen tribute battle gear and paraphernalia,
Go Lois Waller, may the odds be ever in your favour.
Track down those wastes of space,
Use rocks to smash their face,
Just keep on pummelling, die die die,

And for the greater good, she’s gonna spill their blood,
She’s gonna tear out tongues, smash knees and puncture lungs,
Those pretty teens must die, no need to ask her why,
She’ll rip their hearts right out for a dollar…
So raise a clenched fist for Lois Waller.

So keep your Jessicas, your Lilas and your Amy Suttons,
Your Liz, your Kens, your Brookes, your Winstons won’t amount to nothin’.
Their bodies may be thin, you know their souls are so much thinner,
Go Lois Waller, you’re my winner winner chicken dinner.
That girl, she makes me quiver,
I stand when she delivers,
A potent chemistry, my my my,

The Wakefields always win, ‘cause they are blonde and thin,
But you are strong and smart, and you have won my heart,
Oh Lois, fan my flame, I hunger for your game,
You’re getting me hot under the collar…
I raise my flagpole for Lois Waller

(Written by Raven. Thank you.)