Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #103: Big Brother’s In Love Again

Sweet Valley Twins #104: Big Brother's In Love Again by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #104: Big Brother’s In Love Again by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Big Brother’s In Love Again

Tagline: So many girls, so little time…

Summary: Steven Wakefield can’t believe it: beautiful, popular Jill Hale wants to go out with him! He knows that his girlfriend, Cathy Connors, will be heartbroken, but a guy’s got to play the field. After all, he once had a killer crush on Jill, and going out with her would be a dream come true.

And it is… until Steven starts missing Cathy. Jill may be pretty, but she can’t recite basketball statistics or tell gross jokes the way Cathy can. So just in time for Valentine’s Day, Steven decides to mend Cathy’s broken heart—he’ll take her back.

Cathy does want him back, doesn’t she?

Initial Thoughts:

Oh great. Another Steven Wakefield book.

Given the demographic this series courts, I don’t know who books that centre on Steven are written for. Would any pre-teen girl, who’s a fan of a series centring on a set of female pre-teen twins, really give a rat’s ass to read a book that centred on their obnoxious brother? Or is it that now, after 100 books, they realise that they only need release something in order to get the completionists buying their product?

Oh, and didn’t Steven already deduce that Jill was a big dud, in the very book in which he got together with Cathy? Yawn.

Also, in this recap, I use the word “bellend” forty times (forty-one if you include this one: bellend).

[Dove: Yeah, I’m already out. I’m never forgiving the lawnmower debacle, so Steven can absolutely get fucked. If he dumps Cathy, good for Cathy. If he ends up with the vapid tit with shiny hair instead, even better. That’s two morons out of the dating pool. I can only hope they’re too stupid to eventually breed.]

[Wing: I can’t. I can’t do another Steven’s in love book. I cannot.]

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Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #101: Twins In Love

Sweet Valley Twins #101: Twins in Love by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Twins in Love

Tagline: Are the Wakefield twins seeing double?

Summary: Identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield can’t believe their eyes. While on holiday at the Triple Z ranch, they meet two perfect guys—who happen to be thirteen-year-old twins! Elizabeth hits it off immediately with Nick Handel and his brother, Chris, is the boy of Jessica’s dreams. At first.

After one double date, the twins think that maybe they each picked the wrong twin. So, on their second double date, they pull a secret twin switch. Jessica pretends to be Elizabeth… and Elizabeth pretends to be Jessica. Now they are each with the right boy. Or are they?

Initial Thoughts:

To be honest, I’m still reeling from the Haunted Mansion shitshow. Boy, was that a holy calamafuck, amiright?

Twins. In love. With, it seems, other twins. Pretty sure I’ve seen the movie of this… definitely wasn’t for a preteen audience, mind.

I’m excited to be entering the non-Riccoli-Mansion parts of Sweet Valley again. Maybe we’ll get some Unicorns! That’d be nice. And here’s hoping there’s much less Steven, and absolutely zero instances of fucking lawnmower japery.

ONWARD!

[Dove: Urgh.]

[Wing: The second I finished this book, I texted Dove and Raven because I knew Dove would have some choice words to say about the horse parts of this book. I can’t wait to read them.]

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Posted in Nightmare Mansion

Sweet Valley Twins #98 – The Beast Is Watching You

Sweet Valley Twins #98: The Beast Is Watching You by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #98: The Beast Is Watching You by Jamie Suzanne

Title: The Beast is Watching You

Tagline: On a hill on the outskirts of Sweet Valley sits a beautiful old Victorian house—empty until a big family move in… the perfect clients for Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield’s new babysitting service…

Summary: Little by little, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield’s dream job of baby-sitting for the Riccoli kids is turning into a nightmare. Andrew Riccoli dreams that someone tried to set fire to his room—and then wakes up in a cloud of smoke. Then Gretchen Riccoli dreams she’s falling—and wakes up at the bottom of the mansion’s dark, winding staircase. The twins are getting scared… too scared to close their eyes in the Riccoli mansion.

Don’t go to sleep, Sweet Valley… you may never wake up!

Initial Thoughts:

The first book in this series is hardly a zinger. For a spooky book with an action-packed premise, not a lot happened.

Here’s hoping the second swings a little harder for the fences.

[Dove: This is where I really lost my patience with this mini-series. The b-plot is my personal bugbear and I will never forgive or forget. I hate this mini-series.]

[Wing: I did not have high expectations. I was partially correct.]

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Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy

Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #96: Elizabeth the Spy by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Elizabeth the Spy

Tagline: Hands up! It’s a robbery!

Summary: Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield are witnesses to an armed robbery! Though the crook was disguised as a clown, all the evidence points to Joe Carrey as the culprit. Elizabeth can’t believe it! Joe is the ice cream scooper at Casey’s, and he’s one of the nicest people she’s ever met.

Then Elizabeth investigates more deeply and finds a clue that just doesn’t fit. It’s enough to convince her that Joe Carrey is innocent. But can Elizabeth convince the jury?

Initial Thoughts:

Oooooh! Exciting!

Criminals and intrigue and trials and shit.

Looks like there’s been a robbery at a store committed by a clown, not to be confused with a Robbery at the Mall committed by a chicken. Excellent work there, plot manatees!

I’ve enjoyed a fair few of the Plucky Girl Detectives books, so I hope this one doesn’t disappoint.

[Dove: At this point, I am so over the Plucky Girl Detectives books. I think no crime gets solved in Sweet Valley without Elizabeth being involved.] [Wing: Wasn’t the very first Plucky Girl Detective story driven by Jessica?]

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Posted in Super Editions

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #6: The Twins Take Paris by Jamie Suzanne

Title: The Twins Take Paris

Tagline: On the run in Paris…

Summary: Identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield are ready for the trip of their lives. They’ve been selected to participate in their school’s Bonjour Paris! project, and they get to live with a real French family in the City of Lights for two whole weeks!

But on the plane, Jessica makes a startling discovery about their French mother, Madame du Noir. And when the twins meet her in the Paris airport, Jessica is absolutely convinced: Madame du Noir is wanted for murder, and Jessica and Elizabeth are her next victims!

The twins are determined to escape from Madame du Noir’s clutches—even if it means running all over Paris!

Initial Thoughts:

I’m sure the title of this is a play on the title of another film or sone, but all I have at the moment is “The Cars That Ate Paris” and my Google-Fu feels weak today. Sound off in the comments if you’re feeling in an enlightening mood.

So… this book! The title is exciting at least. Two weeks in Paris with the Wakefield Twins? What could be better?

Polio.

Polio could be better.

[Dove: I was sure the twins weren’t allowed to go to Paris after the whole Mademoiselle Jessica thing…]

[Wing: This book. This. book.]

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Posted in Nightmare at Sea

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage

Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #91: Deadly Voyage by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Deadly Voyage

Tagline: Hijacked!

Summary: It’s the best field trip of the year: identical twins Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield and their classmates from Sweet Valley Middle School are taking a ferry to a Pacific island, where they’ll get to see porpoises and unusual birds. But soon after they set sail, the twins discover that their teachers have been left behind!

Desperate to get back to shore, the girls search for the captain—and find him bound and gagged! The boat is in the hands of thieves, and the twins and their friends are in serious danger!

Initial Thoughts:

Well, the premise sounds interesting, at least. The twins, hijacked on a school trip! Gotta beat Ithig, or books about one of the countless School Dances.

The premise also promises the Sweet Valley Twins cast at war with “thieves” … perhaps this could be Jamie Suzanne’s version of Die Hard?

Yippie-Kai-Ay, mofos!

[Wing: Yup.

 

via GIPHY

 

Every time Die Hard comes up, I hear this now. Every. Time.]

One point: This is the first part in a two-part series (or, as it says on the cover, a “sequence”) . As the second part of the sequence is called Escape from Terror Island, I’m presuming Part One ends with the SVT Crew marooned on the aforementioned Island of Terror…

Maybe the voyage won’t be as deadly as advertised. Or maybe Ellen Riteman will get killed. Who knows?!

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Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica's Cookie Disaster by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #89: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Jessica’s Cookie Disaster

Tagline: What’s the secret ingredient?

Summary: Jessica Wakefield, baker to the stars…

Jessica Wakefield is a wonderful baker! At least, that’s what her home economics teacher thinks when she tastes the cookies Jessica baked at school. They’re so good, the teacher submits a batch to the producer of the television talk show, Lifestyles of the French and Famous. And now the producer has invited Jessica to appear on the show with four hundred of her delicious cookies for the studio audience!

Jessica is thrilled. She and her friends in the exclusive Unicorn Club get to work baking cookies. But there’s one big problem: Jessica can’t remember the secret ingredient that made her recipe so amazing! And the harder the Unicorns try to follow the recipe, the worse the cookies taste. Will Jessica have to appear on national television with four hundred of the worst cookies ever baked?

Initial Thoughts:

“Okay, time to write another recap! Let’s check out what books I have coming up…”

*checks upcoming schedule*

“Next month I have Deadly Voyage! Wow, that sounds great! After that, there’s The Twins Take Paris… how cool! Then there’s Elizabeth the Spy. Exciting! Then we have The Beast Must Die! Amazing, a great set of cool-sounding yarns on the horizon… … … So, what do we have this week?”

*reads book title*

“Jessica’s. Cookie. Disaster.”

*gets up, leaves house, drives to coast, throws book in the fucking sea*

[Dove: I would like to disclaim that Raven did not physically leave the house. He has not left the house for over two weeks. We are taking lockdown seriously. Though I’m pretty sure he imagined it heavily. And the alternative covers will be back, as soon as I get creative again. At the moment I’m managing my anxiety with digital filing (I’m Konmari-ing my Sims 2 downloads folder), and creativity is not an option. Apologies. I hate these crappy covers as much as you guys do. More. Definitely more.]

[Wing: I really want to bake cookies now.]

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Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #87: The Mother-Daughter Switch

Sweet Valley Twins #87: The Mother-Daughter Switch by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #87: The Mother-Daughter Switch by Jamie Suzanne

Title: The Mother-Daughter Switch

Tagline: Jessica and Elizabeth trade places—with their mother!

Summary: Which is easier—to be a mother… or a daughter?

After a big fight with their mother, identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield come up with a brilliant way to show her that being a kid is no piece of cake: they decide that she should give it a try. To their shock and delight, their mother agrees! The twins will get to be their own mother, while Mrs. Wakefield will be a kid.

But the twins soon discover that parenthood is exhausting—who would have guessed Mrs. Wakefield would be such a messy, mischievous kid? Jessica and Elizabeth decide to trade places again—but their mother says no! Are the twins stuck being their mother’s mother forever?

Initial Thoughts:

The Mother Daughter Switch (cover by Dove)

Okay, so this is a role-swap rather than a body-swap. Gotcha. [Dove: After BIG for Christmas, it would’ve been too soon, surely?]

Sounds interesting, from the blurb. The twins get to be Alice, while Alice gets to be the twins. And it sounds like Alice is a right scamp while she’s doing it! Should be a fun romp.

Promising. So, undoubtedly, it’ll be atrocious.

Also, great cover by Dove!

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Posted in Super Editions

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila's Secret Valentine by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #5: Lila’s Secret Valentine by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Lila’s Secret Valentine

Tagline: Where is Lila’s valentine?

Summary: Caught in a lie…

Lila Fowler is dreading Valentine’s Day. She has no valentine, and she’s determined not to let her friends in the exclusive Unicorn Club know. So she tells everyone that she does have a boyfriend and sends herself flowers and candy to prove it. Her valentine’s name is Gray Williams, and he’s rich, cute and completely made up.

The Unicorns are totally impressed, and Lila is thrilled—until her friends pressure her into bringing Gray to the Valentine’s dance. How can she bring a date that doesn’t exist.

Initial Thoughts:

Today is Dove and I’s anniversary, so it should be a perfect time to recap a loved-up Valentine-themed book.

However, we’ve just had an argument, so the level of dewey-eyed gushiness this recap with entail remains to be seen. (Don’t worry, we rarely argue, and it’s all a storm in a teacup anyway.)

It’s a book about Lila, on the face of it, which is great. But I suspect there’ll be a lot of pre-teen mushiness, which I’m pretty meh about. We’ll see.

Also, I hate the new covers. I do like Dove’s rework, which I’m sure is displayed below.

Lila’s Secret Valentine (cover by Dove)

[Dove: I’m here for anything Lila, although we’ve reached the point where I kind of don’t remember what’s going on. I didn’t read it as a kid, and if I’ve read it since, it was a few years before we started recapping, so it’s all mush. On the other hand, I did enjoy making a Super Edition cover for this, which you can see here:]

[Wing: Ridiculously adorable cover. I’m guessing this book will have far too many misunderstandings that would be resolved if people would just talk to each other, but since most of them are twelve, I suppose I believe it.]

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Posted in Sweet Valley Twins

Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister

Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy's Secret Sister by Jamie Suzanne
Sweet Valley Twins #83: Amy’s Secret Sister by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Amy’s Secret Sister

Tagline: Amy has always wanted a sister…

Summary: The surprise of her life…

Amy Sutton has just made a discovery that will change her life forever: before her father married her mother, he was married to someone else. And not only that—he and his former wife had a baby. Amy has a sister!

Amy’s sister, Ashley, is only a year and a half older than Amy, and she’s coming to Sweet Valley to spend Thanksgiving with the Suttons. What will Ashley be like? How will she feel about Amy?

Amy is frantic with excitement and worry. Can an only child ever get used to having a sister?

Initial Thoughts:

Nice! Amy does Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Let’s hope that Ashley is a little less annoying than Dawn. [Wing: HDU. Dawn is wonderful.]

Actually, that’d be a great crossover. Amy is activated as a Slayer, and both the Wakefield twins are devastated that neither of them are the Chosen Ones. It’d be sweet to see a lank-haired spunkwaffle become a kickass baton-twirling bringer of demonic destruction. [Wing: …I may be writing this as soon as I finish my comments here. Which are late, because I got swept up in work and completely forget. Sorry, all!]

Quick note on the cover: I’m presuming Ashley is in the middle (wearing a HIDEOUS dress), hugginh Amy on the left. That makes the red nodad-waistcoated atrocity on the right Elizabeth. Loving the way she’s slightly out of shot, as if the Sutton Sisters are tired of her meddling. There’s a little of the “I’m important too!” in her overly-wide eyes. [Dove: There was much mirth on a skype call when Wing and I realised that Liz isn’t wearing a really long pink tie. That is, in fact, a candle.] [Wing: I still see a tie whenever I look at it. Takes a second for the candle truth to click. Every. Single. Time.]

To battle!

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