Sweet Valley Online

Evil triplets snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

recaps by Dove


Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War (1 Jul 2019)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #80: The Gossip War, wherein middle school is exactly like the Cold War, Ellen's dad wears a funny hat, and Johnny Buck again fails to move to Sweet Valley

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Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie (1 Apr 2019)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #78: Steven the Zombie, which is offensive to voodoo practitioners, the disabled, Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth specifically, and is literally the worst Sweet Valley book Dove has ever read. That includes ithig.

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Sweet Valley Twins 75: Jessica and the EarthquakeSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake (4 Mar 2019)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #75: Jessica and the Earthquake, which unfortunately does not have the same body count as the Sweet Valley High book called Earthquake.

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Sweet Valley Twins #73: Lila's Music Video by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #73: Lila’s Music Video (4 Feb 2019)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #73: Lila's Music Video wherein Lila eats off-brand ice cream and learns the value of friendship (again)

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Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees (14 Jan 2019)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #71: Jessica Saves the Trees wherein #BestJess attempts to save the trees, Elizabeth is genuinely useless, facts are a last resort.

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Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married (10 Dec 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #68: The Middle School Gets Married, wherein each twin gets paired with an even worse version of themself and wacky hi-jinks ensue with bonus baby (egg) death! #RIPStevenFidos #NeverForget

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Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas by Jamie SuzanneMagna Editions: Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas (5 Nov 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins Magna Edition #1: The Magic Christmas wherein the emphasis is on the Magic rather than the Christmas, dolls can move, creatures die, and gosh, this summary sounds dark.

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Sweet Valley Twins 63: Poor Lila by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #63: Poor Lila! (15 Oct 2018)
Dove recaps the best book in the series, Sweet Valley Twins 63: Poor Lila!, wherein Lila is poor, the twins are nearly absent and EVERYONE is sassy.

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Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! (17 Sep 2018)
Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It's ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie SuzanneSweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans (20 Aug 2018)
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it's actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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