Sweet Valley Online

Evil twins snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

comments by Raven

[Maroon is Raven’s colour.]

Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! by Dove
Dove recaps the most offensive book in the series to date, Sweet Valley Twins #60: Ciao, Sweet Valley! wherein Jamie Suzanne wants us to really hate Italy. It's ok though, we just hate the Jamie Suzanne instead.

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Sweet Valley Twins Super Edition #4: The Ghost in the Bell Tower by Jamie Suzanne Super Chillers: Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #4: The Ghost in the Bell Tower by Wing
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins Super Chiller #4: The Ghost in the Bell Tower by Francine Pascal and it's great, creepy fun ... except the point is to make Elizabeth believe in ghosts AND SHE ALREADY SHOULD.

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Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans by Dove
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it's actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom by Dove
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom wherein Coco, the newest hottest star, is a genuinely awful parent, allows her employee to abuse her daughter, and actively teaches her daughter to keep secrets from her father.

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Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley by Dove
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley wherein she over-identifies with a nerd, keeps saying Smooze instead of "the Slime" and Jessica's first kiss gets revoked.

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Sweet Valley Twins 52: Booster Boycott by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott by Wing
Wing recaps Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott and burns everything to the fucking ground. Fuck gender essentialism. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck Wakefields Must Win.

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Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne Sweet Valley Twins: Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Dove
Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book's about.

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