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Evil twins snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

18
Jun 2018
Sweet Valley Twins 52: Booster Boycott by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 52: Booster Boycott by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Sweet Valley Twins #52: Booster Boycott

Summary: No boys allowed.

Winston Egbert wants to join the Boosters, Sweet Valley Middle School’s cheering squad. No way, the girls say! A boy as a cheerleader? So what if Winston happens to be a terrific gymnast? So what if he makes up fantastic cheers? Jessica Wakefield and the other Boosters vow they’ll do anything to keep Winston off the squad.

At first Winston endures the girls’ nasty pranks, Charlie Cashman’s bullying, and his classmates’ giggles. But something happens to make Winston give up for good!

When the state cheering competition arrives, the Boosters are surprised to see that almost every other squad has a boy as a member. Without Winston, they’re sure to lose! Is there any way the Boosters can get Winston back?

Tagline: Winston Egbert wants to join the Boosters! [Wing: We get it, book. WE GET IT.]

Initial Thoughts

Oh, good, I bet this book is filled with gender essentialism. Y’all know how much I love that. BOYS? In CHEERLEADING? Heaven forbid.

[Dove: I really enjoy this book. It’s good fun, and the Unicorns are hilariously ridiculous.]

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Sweet Valley Twins #20: Playing Hooky

3
Jul 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 20: Playing Hooky - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 20: Playing Hooky – Jamie Suzanne

Title: Playing Hooky

Tagline: How far will Elizabeth go to save her sister? [Raven: Not as far as Jessica, I’m sure.]

[Wing: Not sure Jessica would go any sort of distance to save anyone else but herself.]

Summary: Kent Kellerman, soap opera star, is coming to town. One whole episode of his show is being filmed downtown and Jessica and Lila have passes to get on the set. There’s one small problem. The filming is to take place during school hours. They’d only have to skip one little class…

Now both girls must face up to their punishment. For Jessica, that means no extracurricular activities, no Booster club, and worst of all, no playing in the basketball championship playoffs. Without Jessica, the team is sure to lose and she’ll become Sweet Valley’s most unpopular girl. That is, unless her twin sister, Elizabeth, agrees to save the day – and the game!

Initial Thoughts:

The cover is nothing more than a Circle of Predatory Grooming. Seriously, I thought the Adult Torso was actually handing the nameless twin a condom.

[Dove: To be fair, that’s what it looks like in the thumbnail.]

It’s actually a slip of paper or some sort. Perhaps our American Correspondent can shed some light on this arcane school tradition.

[Wing: American schools are truly bastions of safe sex education. Or really, he’s giving her a detention slip or something similar.]

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Sweet Valley Twins #4: Choosing Sides

30
Jan 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 4: Choosing Sides

Sweet Valley Twins 4: Choosing Sides (image from Calibre data scrape – think it’s from Shannon’s Sweet Valley site)

Title: Choosing Sides

Summary: Amy wants to be on The Boosters, but Elizabeth learns the Unicorns will do anything to keep her off the squad, including Jessica! Whose side should she take? Answer: Jesus fuck, she should take Amy’s side! She dislikes the entire point of the Unicorns and knows how mean and terrible they are. Why would she support more bullying and exclusivity from them?

Tagline: Is Elizabeth’s best friend more important than her own twin sister? Answer: According to the previous three books, her best friend is her twin sister, but pretty much everyone should be more important than Jessica. Jessica is horrible.

Initial Thoughts:

I hate everything about this series, these main characters, these books, this writing — everything. The only good thing is waiting for Raven or Dove to go boom.

Also, Dove made me do this for my birthday, because she hates me. *drinks* [Dove: Yeah, but on our other site I gave you a month of werewolves for your birthday.] [Wing: I am as yet undecided whether that makes up for this fiasco. The month of werewolves will end, but I’m scheduled to do these recaps until 20-fucking-21.]

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