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Evil twins snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life

Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible

4
Jun 2018
Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 51: Elizabeth the Impossible by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Elizabeth the Impossible

Tagline: Has Jessica created a monster? [Dove: Well, evil begets evil, I suppose.]

Summary: Jessica Wakefield is convinced that her sister, Elizabeth, is perfect. Who else is as smart, friendly, and creative as her identical twin? So when Sweet Valley Middle School announces it will be choosing a Model Student, Jessica launches a secret campaign to make sure Elizabeth wins.

But Jessica doesn’t count on what happens. As soon as word gets out about the contest, Elizabeth takes becoming a Model Student a bit too seriously. She starts telling everyone what to wear, what to eat, and how to act. Elizabeth’s become positively bossy! Jessica would do anything to get the old Elizabeth back. What will it take to turn Elizabeth the Impossible back into the girl everyone knows and loves.

Initial Thoughts:

I deliberately swapped for this one. This is a book I love. I think it’s a joy to poke fun at Elizabeth, and this book really delivers.

Also, if you read it with a cynical eye, it’s actually a story of dysfunctional relationships, and someone with no power socially using one single pressure point to take over another person entirely, to the point where they drop their friends and change their life to appease this one person. Basically, Elizabeth/Pamela is one fucked up ship. And it’s hella interesting. And once I get to a certain point in the story, I will go into that a bit more in depth.

Warning: As above, I’m going to liken the Pamela/Elizabeth friendship to an abusive relationship. While it’s going to be light, I will use phrases used by emotional abusers that may act as triggers. It’s light, but exercise good judgement.

Note: I’m going to quote a metric fucktonne of this book.

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 Category: Sweet Valley Twins

 Elizabeth’s book-long soulmate: 

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Sweet Valley Twins #34: Jessica the Rock Star

4
Dec 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 34: Jessica the Rock Star by Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 34: Jessica the Rock Star by Jamie Suzanne

Title: Jessica the Rock Star

Summary: An unforgettable performance…

After seeing singer Melody Power in concert, Jessica is more convinced than ever that she too can become a rock star. And when she finds out that four of the cutest boys at Sweet Valley Middle School are forming a band and need a girl singer, she grabs the opportunity to launch her new career.

When Jessica starts rehearsing with the band, Elizabeth Wakefield thinks the whole thing is a nightmare! The more Jessica tries to sing like Melody Power, the worse she sounds. What can Elizabeth do to save her sister from total embarrassment? Jessica’s singing debut is about to become a rock ‘n’ roll disaster!

[Wing: I have so many questions, starting with why the boys need a girl singer, why the band can’t be made up of girls, and why Jessica is trying to sing like someone else instead of her own amazing self. She sure was confident last time we saw her singing.]

Tagline: Can Elizabeth keep her twin from putting on a terrible performance? [Wing: … why would it be terrible? The twins can sing.] [Raven: Singing’s only half the story.]

Initial Thoughts

On the one hand, I love when Jessica is on stage and performing. On the other hand, I loved it when it was acting and hated it when it was singing last time. This very well could be a mess.

[Wing: My schedule is really fucking thrown off right now. This will go up without Dove and Raven’s comments, because I didn’t realise I was up this week until late Sunday night. Check back later for their delightful snark.]

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 Category: Sweet Valley Twins

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NaNoWriMo2017: Jessica vs Elizabeth – Chapters 3 & 4

3
Nov 2017
Jessica vs Elizabeth NaNoWriMo2017

Jessica vs Elizabeth NaNoWriMo2017

Title: Jessica vs Elizabeth

Summary:

“Oh, Lizzie, isn’t it romantic?” Jessica squealed.

Elizabeth gaped at her twin. “They’re expecting us to kill each other.”

“Yes, but we get new clothes and we’re paired with a boy!”

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: I am going to post this, unbeta’d as it gets written for NaNoWriMo2017. I will post a clean, edited (hopefully coherent) version when it is finished, but if you want to see the raw, error-laden process of my word-vomit, here it is.

Read Chapters 1 & 2 here.

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 Category: Fanfiction, NaNoWriMo

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Sweet Valley Twins #21: Left Behind

18
Jul 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 21: Left Behind - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 21: Left Behind – Jamie Suzanne

Title: Left Behind by Francine Pascal

Summary: Out in the cold…

Elizabeth Wakefield’s good friend, Sarah Thomas, is miserable. [Wing: Good friend? I don’t remember hearing a damn thing about her.] Her father is spending most of his time with his fiancée, Annie – a woman Sarah doesn’t like at all. She thinks Annie is just after her father’s money, but doesn’t know how to prove it without sounding like a jealous brat.

Some of Sarah’s friends begin to notice the change in her, and when Elizabeth asks her what’s wrong, Sarah just starts to cry. She desperately wants to tell Elizabeth the truth, but Annie has made her swear never to talk to anyone about her. If Annie is really as awful as Sarah thinks, can Elizabeth help her to come forward with the truth before it’s too late?

Tagline: How can Sarah win back her father’s attention? [Wing: Based on that cover, in a terrible, illegal way.]

Initial Thoughts

There is literally nothing about this book that makes me think this is going to go well. Is Annie abusing her? Because all that talk about Annie making Sarah promise not to talk to anyone about her sort of leans that way.

[Dove: I actually love this book. So much more than the one I recapped. Also, as pointed out on Shannon’s Sweet Valley blog, what the fuck has happened to Sarah’s left arm? What is seen cannot be unseen.] [Raven: That’s some creepy Samara shit right there.[Wing: Well fuck, I hadn’t noticed it at first, but now I can’t stop looking at it. I hate you.]

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Sweet Valley Twins #16: Second Best

22
May 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 16: Second Best - Jamie Suzanne

Sweet Valley Twins 16: Second Best – Jamie Suzanne

Title: Second Best [Wing: Why does the boy on the left — Tom? — look like a male Wakefield twin? What is going on with the genetics in Sweet Valley?] [Raven: Really? You wanna pull at THAT thread?] [Dove: Or it’s all very simple, and Alice has mothered more than three children.]

Summary: Things are happening fast for the Wakefield twins. The biggest party of the year is coming up. If Jessica can get “un-grounded” in time, she’ll be able to go. Elizabeth is entering a state-wide essay contest, hoping to win the $100 prize. And both twins are putting in extra time on their special school projects.

Cute, smart and popular Tom McKay is in Jessica’s work group. His anti-social brother, Dylan, is in Elizabeth’s. Dylan feels that he will never be as good as his brother. So why should he even bother to try? Elizabeth really wants to prove to Dylan that he can be the best at something, too. But can she help him without coming between the two brothers?

Tagline: Is the boys’ problem too tough for even Elizabeth to handle… [Wing: EVEN ELIZABETH WTF]

Initial Thoughts

Oh, god. I’m not ready. What if I like another book? What am I going to do?!

[Dove: Not a fan of this book – the story itself is good, but like Tug of War, there’s a lot of Elizabeth smugness in it.]

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Sweet Valley Twins #13: Stretching the Truth

24
Apr 2017

Sweet Valley Twins 13: Stretching the Truth (Image from Calibre data scrape – assumed Shannon’s Sweet Valley Page)

Title: Stretching the Truth

Summary: What’s wrong with Mary Robinson? That’s what Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield want to know. She has a rich new stepfather who has a fabulous yacht and is going to build them a huge house. So why has Mary been acting so strange?

Jessica is confident Mary will be herself again, just as soon as she finds out about the surprise birthday party for her on her father’s yacht! But Jessica is wrong – a party on the yacht is the last thing Mary wants. It could give away her whole secret. In fact, all of Mary’s little white lies would get her into big trouble with her friends! Will anyone want to help poor Mary when they learn the terrible truth?

Tagline: Little white lies…

Initial Thoughts:

Wait just one minute here. Didn’t we have a birthday party for Mary Robinson last time she was the main plot of a book? Oh, wait, no, that was Sophia Rizzo. All these temporary Wakefield BFFs are starting to blur together, even though I really like both Mary and Sophia. Last time, in Three’s a Crowd, Mary (Giaccio at the time) was going to be adopted by her foster family and then shipped off when she decided not to be adopted and then SURPRISE her birth mother showed up and everything was wrapped up neatly.

Super excited that this book sounds like it’s going to be based on ridiculous lies yet again. MUCH EXCITE.

[Dove: I actually really like this book. It’s super dramatic, but still one of the better earlier entries. But then again, I like Mary and her step-dad. Also, that girl on the front cover? The one that is clearly Jessica? That’s Mary. And again I say: WHAT THE FUCK WENT ON IN THE GENETICS OF SWEET VALLEY?]

[Wing: Note from the future. Y’ALL. THIS BOOK. I CAN’T DEAL WITH WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ME.]

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Sweet Valley Twins #11: Buried Treasure

3
Apr 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 11: Buried Treasure (Image from Calibre data

Sweet Valley Twins 11: Buried Treasure (Image from Calibre data scrape – assumed Shannon’s Sweet Valley Page)

Title: Buried Treasure

Summary: Jessica Wakefield and her friend Ellen Riteman keep it a secret when they find some money in an old metal box buried in Ellen’s backyard. But then some money disappears from school and suspicion falls on Jessica and Ellen. Can they prove their innocence?

Tagline: Has Jessica’s good luck run out? [Wing: I can only hope.]

Initial Thoughts

So, on the surface, this could be an entertaining story. Secrets, buried treasure, Jessica finally getting accused of something … and yet, this is Sweet Valley, and I know a book that sounds interesting isn’t actually going to live up to its potential. Also, it will probably make me go boom.

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Sweet Valley Twins #1: Best Friends

2
Jan 2017
Sweet Valley Twins 1 - Best Friends

Sweet Valley Twins 1 – Best Friends

Title: Best Friends

Summary: Growing apart…

The twins’ close friendship in threatened when Jessica is admitted to an exclusive girls’ club.

Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield feel special because they’re identical twins. For twelve years they’ve dressed alike, shared a room, and done everything together. But when they start Sweet Valley Middle School, everything begins to change.

Elizabeth wants to work on the class newspaper, but Jessica doesn’t. Jessica would rather join the Unicorns, a snobby all-girls club. Even though Elizabeth isn’t interested in the same things as her twin, she tries to tag along. But is she losing her best friend?

Tagline: Elizabeth is afraid she’s losing her best friend — her twin sister!

Initial Thoughts:

Dude, your twin sister/BFF will always be there, if Dove is any example. (She is, after all, the good twin.) Also, I was so, so annoyed when it felt like my siblings were always trying to do the same activities I did, even though looking back on it now, I can see we just have similar taste in what is fun, and I should have enjoyed it more.

I find the cover of this book extremely creepy; all that pink, yes, but also how pastel the world is: their shirts, their hair, their skin, their house, their yard, their sky — everything is washed out and terrifying. Suburban horror at its best. [Dove: It’s red. The cover is red, not pink.] [Raven: The cover is red, but the picture of the twins is indeed majorly pink. Got your back, Wing. *fist bump*]

[Wing: *fist bump* Dove is going to regret letting Raven join us.]

[2 Feb 2017 update: Wing: For another take on this book, though one that hits on a lot of the things that made us go boom as well, check out the Super Serials podcast episode.]

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