Sweet Valley Online

Evil twins snarkily recap Sweet Valley Twins, High, University, Confidential & Sweet Life
I am Dove. I am: Team Jessica (Sweet Valley); Team Bad Guy (Point Horror);  Team Geiger (Making Out); Team Nina/Lucas (Making Out); and I am the voice of a claymation cow named Daisy, and I was in an advert for Fairy Liquid in the 80s.

Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans (20 Aug 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #58: Elizabeth and the Orphans wherein Melissa and Andy McCormick lose their mother and it’s actually quite sad, and Elizabeth does very little, except show up every few pages to remind us that she exists.

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Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom (23 Jul 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #55: Brooke and her Rock-Star Mom wherein Coco, the newest hottest star, is a genuinely awful parent, allows her employee to abuse her daughter, and actively teaches her daughter to keep secrets from her father.

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Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley (25 Jun 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #53: The Slime That Ate Sweet Valley wherein she over-identifies with a nerd, keeps saying Smooze instead of “the Slime” and Jessica’s first kiss gets revoked.

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Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible (4 Jun 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #51: Elizabeth the Impossible wherein Elizabeth enters an abusive relationship and changes everything about herself to appease her abuser. Or she gets too big for her boots after winning a few awards. You decide what you think the book’s about.

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Sweet Valley Twins #47: Jessica’s New Look (30 Apr 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins 47: Jessica’s New Look, wherein Jessica is a boring, self-centred twat who whines a lot about how wearing glasses is LITERALLY THE WORST. No. This book is the worst.

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Sweet Valley Twins #45: Lucy Takes the Reins (9 Apr 2018)

Dove recaps Lucy Takes the Reins, wherein Dove doesn’t care in the slightest about Lucy, but ADORES WHOLEHEARTEDLY the b-plot, which features #BestJess

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Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret (5 Mar 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #42: Jessica’s Secret, wherein we find people both stupider and bitchier than the Unicorns, and Elizabeth wants to know: HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD?

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Sweet Valley Twins #40: Danny Means Trouble (5 Feb 2018)

Dove slugs her way through another Very Special Episode during which she wants to murder Elizabeth. More than usual.

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Fanfic: Five Days to Change the World (12 Jan 2018)

Fanfic: The Unicorns say Ellen can’t talk to Amy at their party. Ellen can only talk to her date. The solution is obvious. To Ellen, at least. // Set after Mary is Missing

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Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins (8 Jan 2018)

Dove recaps Sweet Valley Twins #37: The War Between the Twins, in which Jessica launches a rival newspaper, many lies are told and Amy Sutton can just get in the f***ing sea.

 Category: Sweet Valley Twins
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